Trouble with SC
Im new to this web site as i registered 2 days ago.
I have been with my partner for 1 & 1/2 years, we have been living together for nearly 1 year.
Most of the problems i had with my step children are being sorted out & slowly improving.
What would you say if your step child gets aggressive & every thing you have tried to sort out the situation, it fails. My step son rubs me up the wrong way & though i try not to react to it in a negative way, i do.
Before me my partner & her 2 children used to live on the own for about 6 years & during that time she rarely had relationship so the kids were used to getting there mother all to there selves.
He is 9.
She is 14.
The big qiustion is what do i do about disiplane? As they dont listen to me often, my ss tends to not listen to me more even thouh he is starting to.
Would do you think?
Well, its definitely a HUGE
Well, its definitely a HUGE asjustment for them, and since they are older children, you cannot successfully be the primary disciplinarian. She needs to be. Yes, they need to respect you & obey the rules (which their mother needs to set & give the consequences when they're broken) If you are the only one to enforce the rules, they will just end up disliking you. You and your wife should present a united front, she should always back you up (at least in front of the kids) and they will learn to respect you. With you not being their real father, anything that comes from you is going to seem much harsher to them than if it comes from their biological parent, so if you feel your frustration levels rising, step back and calm down. If they see you getting angry or upset, they will thrive off it. So try to set a good example & earn their respect, your house will be a much happier one if you can do that.
thanks
when you say taking a step back, it can also implay walkking out the room.
continued
you say abotu setting the rules, is it not a good idea that i set any rules my self then or just my partner set the rules.
What we do in my house is my
What we do in my house is my husband & I discuss rules we want the kids to follow and we present them together, but since they are my kids I am usually the one to enforce them. If he is alone with them, then he enforces them the same way I would if I was there. Like if my son does something that he would normally get a time out for by me, then thats the same consequence my husband will give if I'm not there. But I have to be the main enforcer. We were told this my a professional counselor & I think it helps my son & my husband's relationship tremedously!
Adults rule
You and your partner should make a list of basic rules: no talking back, do certain chores, no hitting, homework every day, etc., whatever it is. Then you and your partner should both be able to enforce the rules.
You should not touch the kids, but that doesn't mean, to me, that you can't say stuff to them. It is too hard and asking too much of you to wait for the other parent to 'decide' what they will do re. discipline.
If I were you I would take control in my own house. You are the adult and if the kids don't like it too bad. I know people want the kids to like them but what they need are parents.
If your SS starts to see that you will treat him fairly, he will most likely grow to love and respect you, because he will see that you want what is best for him.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin