suggestions to deal with crazy ex?? and raise a good SD
my hubby's exwife is controlling, crazy and probably has the worst case of jealously i've ever seen. Each time we try to do something as a family at our house, she finds a way to cancel plans or destroy any relationship I have tried to build with my step daughter. they divorced 12 years ago. she has moved on before we even met. we have been married x 6 years. she has managed to try to make every holiday, most weekends, birthdays and vacations..either try to cancel, make up reasons why my SD can't come or some crazy fight she starts with my husband. he has tried so hard over the years to develop a "truce" but she has no need for it and doesn't want to be on the same page. My SD is 13 and is feeling put in the middle...as she really is. For years we chose not to respond to her mother's acusations and now we feel the need to help her understand why we do what we do..not tell her htat her mother is wrong but help her understand why families to different things.
at this point..we are beside ourselves...and have no idea how to handle the next 5 years other than always be thinking "okay she may not come over or go on the trip with us". it's a hard way to live and we appreciate the time with her. However, we have a 4 year old and live our own life too. How do we provide the best life we can for a 13 yr old with emotional problems and help her see "right from wrong".?
Enforce your court order to
Enforce your court order to the letter. Anytime she refuses access, document it, and get a civil assist so there is an incident number on file. Don't try to deal with her. Tell her that the only communication between your family and hers will be email from now on.
Stop telling her your
Stop telling her your plans!!! and I agree go by the order period and document it all and take her to court when she doesn;t follow the order!
And if you don't have a court
And if you don't have a court order, please get one. Seriously, you may think you are benefitting by doing everything all nicey nice and keeping it out of court, but that sometimes backfires in your face, and it's best to get a court order for everyone's protection. We're dealing with this now. We have been nice at my house, and all the 2 of the BMs are being pilly, and we have to go to court and modify things on paper to keep them from getting out of hand. It royally sucks.
You get a court order of
You get a court order of visitation spelling out every last minute of when and where. Or maybe you already have one.
Once you have it you enforce it to the letter. If for any reason short of a loss of limb the bio-mother refuses to release the kid you document your attempts to pick up the kid, video and/or witness, and you charge her in court with a violation of the court order.
If you want to be nice you can have your attorney write a letter right now putting her on notice that the order will be enforced, criminally if necessary.
When I say "you" I mean the custodial parent of course. Stop playing games the court is on your side and takes a very dim view of its orders being ignored.