Verbally Abusive Ex
My DH ex wife is disprespectful, and verbally abusive to my DH. I think that he is just used to it because she would fly off the handle all the time while they were married. He hasn't established healthy boundaries with her. Whenever she doesn't get her way, she goes crazy cussing at him, yelling at him, waiving her arms around, etc. He is a soft spoken man, and before I met him, would usually just go along with what she wanted to avoid these outbursts. She often won't even give him the opportunity to speak at all. She is also very controlling, attmepting to control the rules within my home with our kids.
He pays quite a lot in child support to her and she still expects him to come up with all this additional money for other things and when we say that it's not in our budget, she goes crazy. She doens't buy the kids much, I am the one who buys their shoes, clothes, and many of thier activities which is so frustrating because child support should be covering many of their needs. We recently bought central air, and she became irate that we bought that and didnt have it in our budget to provide more money to something else she wanted for the kids. As long as our financial obligation in child support is met, it is none of her business what we spend our money on.
I am beyond frustrated at this, and want to tell her off myself, but I know that wouldn't solve anything.
Yes, she is. I told him that
Yes, she is. I told him that by setting boundaries, it will anger her further at first, but if he is consistent eventually she will learn that he wont tolerate it anymore.
Okay, thank you, I will look
Okay, thank you, I will look into that. When I divorced my verbally abusive ex I found a book called "Co-Parenting with a Jerk" and it has very useful tips for communicating & setting appropriate boundries. It would be a good idea for him to read it as well. I think that when you initially start setting boundaries that you havent had before, it is really hard to be consistent and it takes practice.
Thanks for the useful info,
Thanks for the useful info, beaccountable!!! I love the quote btw..."I'd rather be alone then to spend one second being unhealthy with you."
I've told him all those things that you state, he is meeting his obligation and he doenst have to do a thing more. He agrees, he just isnt used to setting boundaries. I wasn't either...until I divorced my DD BD. I read so many books on verbal abuse, communication, and boundaries. I had to practice and re-learn how to communicate with him all over. It's hard to keep from falling back into unhealthy patterns from your marriage, even though you are divorced.
I just keep telling my DH these things, he just has to put it in practice.
Personally though, I am just sick and tired of her telling us how to run our house and how to spend our money. And at what point should I step in and say something!?