Hi there,

I'm new to this forum, so please excuse me if I don't have all the acronyms down yet. I am an unofficial stepmom to four skids with no bio kids of my own. I have been with my SO for nearly 5 years, and his children have lived with us full time, with him as custodian, for 3.5 years. Lots of background here, but I'll try to keep it brief. BM is undiagnosed NPD and in 2016, right after SO and I met, it came to light that she was abusing and neglecting the children, and had been for years while my SO was out of the house all the time working and she was a stay-at-home mom. She was also abusive my SO. Multiple CPS reports were filed and then closed, she manipulated the kids into recanting things they had reported outside the home when CPS came to talk to them because she threatened to harm them if they told the truth. She never allowed CPS to speak with them alone and obstructed interviews alone with the children even at their schools when CPS tried to visit them there. It then came out that her live-in boyfriend at the time had solicited one of the older girls for inappropriate photos and inappropriately touched one of the younger girls on multiple occasions. Police reports were filed and my SO was granted custody while BM stood by her boyfriend (who we took out a restraining order against) and continued to live with him. She only saw the children a handful of times over the following 9 months even though she was allotted every other weekend visitation because she could not have them at the home due to the restraining order. BM and boyfriend continued to abuse substances and the parenting plan stated that she must remain clean and sober in order to continue to have visitation with her children. Visitation at her home resumed briefly in 2018 until we heard from the girls that the boyfriend, who was still living at her home, showed up in the middle of the night two of the nights they were there knocking on the front window of the room they were sleeping in. Visitation was pulled and she was told she needed to complete a substance abuse evaluation and comply with recommended treatment as a result of the evaluation. She then weeks later was coincidentally "diagnosed" with MS which she said was preventing her from getting the evaluations done. When it was made clear by SO's attorney that her MS would not get her out of the evals, she then attempted to complete two evals, unable to pee clean and without collateral contacts, and was recommended for treatment both times, the second time a higher level of treatment than the first. She never completed any treatment. She then went out and acquired a medical marijuana card for her MS and presented that at a third evaluation, at which time they did not recommend her for treatment. At this point, she had not had visitation with the children for the better part of two years. She got a new attorney this past summer and tried to present the third eval to get her visitation back. We fought against the eval results, stating that she had manipulated the eval system. She then filed a contempt motion with the court in early December and the court bought her MS story and that she is using drugs for treatment (not standard MS drugs, just lots and lots of marijuana, which has always been her drug of choice). They gave her back her unsupervised visitation plus makeup time and held my SO in contempt. So far the children have had three visits with her and all she does is badmouth my SO and share with them very inappropriate details about the legal case, etc. She keeps telling them she is going to fight to get custody of them back and has even asked the younger two children to choose who they want to live with. The parenting plan states that no badmouthing of either parent is to occur and that no details of the legal case are to be shared with the children. She is in clear violation of this, but we have no way to prove it since we are hearing this from the kids and the court will likely just deem it hearsay. What can we do about this? I am so concerned about the lasting psychological effects unsupervised time with this person is going to have on these children, ages 17, 14, 13, and 9. The court didn't seem to care at all about the 180 pages of CPS records we presented and stated that we should have filed for a modification of the parenting plan at the time we received them (which wasn't possible due to financial limitations of my SO created by HER debt that he had incurred during the marriage).

Looking for any and all help/advice on this situation, it is wreaking havoc on our previously peaceful household and I worry it will only continue to escalate because BM's MO is to disupt. Thanks in advance.