HOW to deal with my husbands X-Wife!
Being a medical professional I am usually the one giving advice, now I NEED it! I have been married a year to the love of my life. I was single for 14 yrs and had no desire/want to remarry, till I met my husband. He is the most wonderful loving individual I have ever met. He is SO patient and kind, hence the quality that enabled him to tolerate his CRAZY x-wife for 15 years. She is an alcoholic and has definite personality D/O, likely bipolar. She has kicked down his door (at his old home) because he would not let her in, ran around naked, came to my house drunk at 3am threatening me, got so drunk at her home that she demanded her then 14 year old son drive her somewhere (he did not even have a permit. These are just a few of the lovely events that my SS and husband and I have had to endure. She refuses to stop texting and calling him. He is in a high position in local government and never has called the police on her mainly due to embarrassment despite the threats, destruction of property ECT. I am NOT an insecure person but I want her to stop contacting him. Their son is 18 and there is absolutely no need to contact my husband. The bio son lives with us full time and is graduating from HS this year. She causes stress in an otherwise wonderful marriage. Does anyone have suggestions? I have tried texting her, calling her even falling short of telling her we would file harassment charges on her. My husband wants to avoid this due to his position and also feels it would upset his son, even though the son knows that his mother has SERIOUS issues! Please offer me some advice! My husband almost never returns her calls, texts or emails, but when she calls his office phone (no caller ID, often they end up talking) she has also waited outside of his work to corner him! I trust my husband and know he only stayed with her for so many years for their child, till he realized having an alcoholic mother around was not good for the kid either! :jawdrop:
I think you're on the right
I think you're on the right track by ignorning her texts, calls, emails etc. Responding to her nonsense only adds fuel to the fire. In my case when we ignore the crazy BM, she turns her sights elsewhere for her entertainment. I swear they just like the drama and if she can't get it from you, she'll have to get in somewhere else. I would assume your husband has a secretary... can't he have her screen his calls so he doesn't have to speak to her at work?
she should be made aware that she is only allowed to speak to her son, given he is 18 there really should be no need for her to go through your husband. I am assuming that your SS has a cell phone, so it should be easy enough for her to keep in contact with him without driving you nuts!
I would file a restraining
I would file a restraining order. That is something my DH and I will probably have to do once SD#2 turns 18 in 6mos, as BM is BPD and Bipolar. There will be no reason for us to talk to her, yet she will still want to invoke her drama on us. Sometimes that is the only thing you can do with those PEW's (Psycho Ex-Wives).
I totally agree something
I totally agree something needs to be done! I am unknowledgeable about the "cease and desist"? Is that something that an attorney will have to draw up and have a judge sign? I doubt me husband will want to take any legal action. As I stated he refused to notify police when she literally bashed in his front door with an iron bench. I am not a passive person, I would have called the police and have her arrested then made her pay for the repairs!
WE DID IT. BLOCK THE CALL.
WE DID IT. BLOCK THE CALL. Cell carriers allow it, and so does your land-line service. SD's 18/21 were FLAT OUT TOLD by daddy ~~mommy doesn't need to call me anymore, I am no longer married to her and my vows to her no longer exist. You two are old enough, you can talk to me.
They POUTED and told him I was insecure. Whatever. Your mother is a NUTCASE and I don't need her "virtually in bed with us every night" (didn't really say that to them
If your DH isn't willing to do that, there is something wrong.
I gave him the ultimatium ~~she is DISRUPTING our lives every week, cut her off now, or I am done with the drama nonsense in your life.
I have a 10-yr-old bio daughter and me and my ex RARELY speak to each other. When she's with him, it's his rules, and visversa. She's OLD ENOUGH to communicate to both of us. And unless it's a switch up we need to do w/ her or an emergency, we both live our own lives and stay out of each others.
My SS understands and is
My SS understands and is willing to be the only communication with his BM, problem is she refuses to speak through her son!! She uses ANY excuse to contact my husband, even though he ignores most of her tesxts and pages. I hate to give my husband the ultimatum but it is clear something has to change. She has no problem telling me that her son hates my cooking, says I am a neat freak and boring... if shit is so bad, then maybe he should live with her! I recently discovered that they had texted back and forth about an issues with thier son's SS card. My husband never told me about their conversation because he felt it would upset me. In reality I was more upset that he did NOT share with me he had that conversation with her. He agreed that the son could have handled it, but just wanted to respond to her and resolve the issue. Am I just WAY to sensitive or do I have such a jaded mistrust of this woman that even a short conversation that is "non-mandatory" sets me off????
You are not being too
You are not being too sensitive! Your husband keeping something from you (even if he feels it is trivial) because he is afraid it would upset you is way off base! My hubby did that ONCE and I told him that I was more angry than if he would have just been up front with me. In my book, being sneaky and keeping secrets is just as bad as outright lieing and that is one thing that I would walk out the door over. Also by him talking to her about the issue and keeping it from you as to not upset you, was putting BM's feelings first and THAT is wrong!
IMO you are validated in your frustration here.
He needs to block, screen, or
He needs to block, screen, or otherwise ignore every last piece of communication. If she accosts him on the street then he should return to the buildings security people immediately and sic them on her.
By accepting even one piece of communication he continues to encourage her.
Well if your husband won't
Well if your husband won't call the police or get a restraining order on her because of fear of embarresment then you should do it for yourself. Or take matters into your own hands. You will have get down to her level, because she's crazy and an alcoholic there is no reasoning with her. From now on carry your husbands cell phone when she calls or text you answer her calls & reply to her texts. She is reaching out to your husband & if everytime she gets you instead then she'll eventually tire out. Piss her off have her come to your house or anywhere point is get her face to face & call the cops on her drunk ass when she gets physical with you. Bottom line is take matters into your own hands get intouch with your inner bitch & protect what is yours & that is your husband.
BM would call DH for no good reason, it was often just cause she felt lonely or felt like she could speak to him whenever she pleased, I told DH that I didn't like it & told him if he didn't handle it I would. Well I took matters into my own hands, everytime she would call I would answer his phone:
Me: hello
BM: put babydaddy on the phone
Me: DH can't come to the phone right now, he's to busy eating my p&@$y
BM: put him on the phone b&@$c!!
Me: moawn & groan oh that feels good!!!
BM: click.................
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! It is low class and not my style of handling things but I got tired of her none sense!! Being the bigger person and the mature adult got me no where with the psycho BM. She would call and wake us up at 3 am when me & DH both worked in the morning. I hated doing her like that but I had to do what I had to do. The low class trashy catty fighting between me & BM lasted like 6 months. She finally got tired of hearing from me & never being able to reach DH that she quite! We live in peace & quite...
Good luck though...
Look honey take matters into
Look honey take matters into your own hands tell your DH that he is no longer allowed to text or speak with her again!!!! EVER!!!!! Tell him that you will handle her from now on. Your husband will sence that you are some what jealouse & that you will fight for him. It will actually turn him on that you are jealouse & will find it rather sexy that you will defend your man like a wild lioness.
Well it worked for me DH didn't think I had it in me because I am so sweet & kind to him, he said it was a turn on & now has a new found respect for me:-)
Sorry to hear abbout the
Sorry to hear abbout the situation you find yourself in, I am in a similar situation with my boyfriends ex, she is mentally ill and there is constant contact from her and I think she ultimately would like to see us broken up. Their son who is only 9 has been really badly affected.
I have been speaking to a family therapist about the situation and she feels it is really up to the partner to sort the issue out with their ex and for me to try and remain on the outside as far as I can. Its really difficult as they made the choice to leave.
She said what happens is they don't want them when they are alone but when they are with a new partner, they become desirable.
I hope it all works out for you.
Ava