My spouse actually works for a large company in our city that is the construction industry. They pave roads, build houses, resorts, everything from roofing, road work to irrigation. My spouse is on a crew that does a lot of the prep work for road maintenance and highway construction. There is about 150 employees if not more. ANYHOW, BM called the companies main office and spoke to the receptionist,and said she had a complaint about an employee and wanted to speak to the manager or person in charge- there fore the receptionist transferred her over to the boss and the boss explained he did not know the situation and she requested my spouse have time off for four days to attend their sons school event. The boss transferred the call to the super attendant in charge of my spouses crew ( the boss got upset at the super attendant for denying an employee time off work for a family event) saying that he could take the time off and the super attendant got to the bottom of the situation which was explained that DH could take the time off for the four days BUT he had a previous event he was already taking time off for the 3 days before- therefore he would of been taking over a week off of work and he could not financially afford to do, and the super attendant told BM it was not his business in personal matters that it was between DH and BM,but BM wanted to know what was going on and if DH could take the time off or not and wanted to hear it from the boss that he was allowed, BM was completely aware that DH had previous time off for something else- his daughter who had her grade 12 grad ceremony which is out of town he was attending- BM wanted DH to not go to the grad ceremony but to attend SS13 on his camp trip instead- that was the hole issue to begin with.

I agree. My spouse wont go through court unless its the last resort, court did not help before,and also SS is a teenager and makes up his own mind if he wants to visit. BM AND SSe are very close. SS does have a cell of his own, he just does not text dad back often or calls from BM phone. At this point BM AND DH have only been texting which still complicated- a lot of demands from BM.

My spouse was pretty angry when BM referred herself as "ex girlfriend" to his boss, in fact when he called BM he made it very clear to her, probably was seen as a rude remark but he exactly said" Listen, you have never been my ex girlfriend, you and I had have never had anything and never will " she was actually silent for about 10 seconds before she told him to screw himself.

My spouse is trying to do the right thing, and that SS needs a father. Therefore my spouse feels this is his responsibility and I honestly think he would have not met SS a year ago knowing what would happen, but because he already has established a relationship with SS and SS was excited to meet his dad- my spouse NOW feels its his duty but I have thought about this. I was thinking the other day ... I know five people who have had a child out of a "one night" stand or just happen to be a short fling- . four of them never went after CS, and one did but does not speak to the dad and none of the children know. it does happen. One of the guys I know pays child support for a "daughter" who is 14 now, but he met her once when she was 2 months old and told the mother he would pay child support each month until she was 18 and will keep a separate account for a college fund he will give the mom once she is 19.He is married with his own son. His wife didn't even know this girl existed. It was a short fling before her- and he just had no intentions of being with the mother in a relationship or co parenting.IT does happen, I just don't think my spouse will look at it this way especially with his family always telling him he has to take care of his son no matter what.

I think you are automatically on the hook for college when your paying child support until their 18.Legally in our area that is mandatory- you just keep paying child support until their finished school.

My spouse has told her that and said it was her fault for 'taking off' and she goes on a rant about the fact he had a girlfriend at that time and he was helping her take care of her kids and that it is his fault because he should of made his son a top priority and therefore she had to leave with him. Something like that. Bottom line is -BM wanted to be with my DH from the very beginning. It was basically a hidden comment in her part that either DH be with her and their son, or he doesn't see his son at all. DH did not want to be with her and chose his girlfriend at that time, and BM lost her marbles and tried to cause havoc and succeeded actually -they broke up for a short while and DH felt he had to literally choose. The courts would not help him much. The lawyer advices my DH to pay the CS first get caught up on payments and a bunch of other demands expectations. Honestly he's not even on the birth certificate, therefore BM really just played this out really good.

My DH did contact the police and a record has been filed. The police told my DH that what BM did was harassment. That has been established. Second my DH will not get a DNA test, it is far to late into the child's life and my DH doesn't want to go down that road.

Your suggesting full custody of SS? well that is not an option at this point-
1. SS just met DH last year and SS wants to be with BM
2. BM has her rights too. no judge is going to automatically grant custody to my DH because he is in his sons life for 11 months. and Realistically we don't have the money to go to court for that right now. My DH already pays child support and has for several years, and it is calculated through his income each tax year that has all been done. BM just wants full access and control to my DH, and uses SS as her golden ticket into his life. SS is very close with BM, and tries to manipulate the situation as best as he can, and goes along with BM realistic ideas. Having SS lives with us would probably cause more problems that we do not need (my opinion)