I know this form is mainly for step parent talk and struggles and not for BM input but I see a lot of blended families and many of us are step parents and BM as well on here. This is just my experience from being with a husband who has a bio son with another women and myself being a BM and having two so s with another man.

I came from a broken home where my parents were teenagers when they had me and never made it together therefore I was raised by a single mother who struggled and by my maternal AND paternal grandparents . My father was involved but I seen him every other weekend . I grew up with 'step parent' images but never called my dad's gf step mom or my moms bf stepdad . Infact I didn't really care for them I because they wernt my real parents . I was confused,angry , bitter at 5 years old .
I always told myself later on life I would have children with someone I was married to and going to be with until
Old age. That was hopeful thinking and good intentions but life did not go as I planned . Maybe because I ended up having poor judgment somewhere down the line.

My ex spouse and I have been broken up for well over six years. Honestly we were together for about 4-5 years and just enough to have two sons and we fostered two other boys at the time (a family member on my spouses side kids) and we were in the process of adopting them at the time if our breakup. We raised the one boy since he was a baby and at that time he was 5. Needless to say we had a lot on our shoulders in such a short amount of time being together having my own first baby and family pressure from both sides.

Regardless breakups are hard. Some are meant to be and some are not as one partner is just hanging on doing everything they can to keep the relationship. In my case my ex and I breakup was difficult but more so for me because it ended up with him being unfaithful with another women who happened to be our mutual friend. I don't know what was worse the cheating behind my back or the fact the two of them lied that anything was going on and denied it to everyone we knew. The fact I showed up on their date to find them kissing, and the text messages I read between them I think says it all but somehow i was this 'crazy' person. I actually never got upset when I seen my now ex spouse and this women together. I felt angry but more saddened and I was not going to fight with any women over a man even if that man was suppose to be 'my' spouse, father of my kids. I also didn't want to give him any satisfaction of two women fighting over him as he didn't deserve it one bit. I made my presence known by walking up to them and the other women immediately was rude to me. Her response to me was 'do you not like it when I sit on his lap?'' I honestly was more shocked. I told her a few words of my own like I hope it makes your ego feel good knowing you broke up a family . However in the end it wasn't her, it was him and I soley blame him for his actions as he was the one who betrayed me with her betrayed all of our family and something he has to now live with forever.

Needless to say life changed for everyone. I moved out about two three weeks later with our sons. The foster children resided with him temporary then his family became involved and were not pleased. I took in one of the boys and the other went to grandparents. Children's ministry was very disappointed in us who could blame them. Both boys were going to be relocated and adopted by another family member. That year was devastating and brutal from my break up to losing two kids I raised for a long time. I hates my ex each passing day. I hates him more when I would find out through the grapevine he continued to see 'the other women' after I moved out. I did not speak to him for months. We exchanged the kids quickly or through a family member. Honestly he wasn't seeing them much with his new relationship taking off and all the things they were doing together he was quite busy. I on the other hand lost all our mutual friends, which ended up being a blessing in dusguise as I had no need for friends like that in my life. Also I ended up dating someone about 8months later.

My ex gf made things complicated in the beginning. I don't know if it was the high ego thing or what. She would see me and try talking to me about my ex and the kids but would come off rude and I didn't care for it and told her to leave me alone. She even called me a name once when she had a few if her friends around and I had just myself, my kids and my bf and I were just started to date at the time. My ex didn't care at the time when I told him the conflict. He was to consumed with her to believe anything I said plus all her friends backed her up. I even had a threat from her best friend (an old friend if mine) and I became the main focus for all their laughter. The feeling was uneasy for quite some time. I didn't go to baseball anymore, which sucked because my bf I was dating played on the team and I would see my ex and his gf and her friends. I avoided certain places I just wanted to get rid of that part of my life however it was impossible because my ex and I had kids together

After years things did calm down and I seen things unravel. I seen certain people get pay back or karma done to them in certain ways and I honestly felt sorry for some. I had nothing to do with any of the people but in the community we live in I would hear . My ex and his gf are still together but I can honestly say the grass is not greener on the other side. I don't pay much attention to them but from what I hear my ex has not changed much in the loyalty faithful department. At one point I felt some pity for his gf because she has no clue. However he is a good dad and we have a decent co parenting relationship. I create boundaries I don't like him knowing my business and I don't care to know his. I do know that his gf has reacted jealous over me. She would never show it to me but I've heard three different incidents. I also know my ex regrets a lot of mistakes he has made and had tried to tell me that two years ago but I stopped him and kindly told him that I had moved on I was happy and what is done is done . Even if I was single I would never ever go back to him. I only talk to him because we have kids but I don't even respect him I just show it cuz I need to for my kids. I don't respect her. If I see her I'm kind but I don't say much or try to start up conversations because I don't want any connection like that.

Our kids spend two days a week at their dad's house with him and his gf. Honestly at first I cringed at the thought of my kids being around a women with such evilness but in the long run it wasn't up to me who my ex chooses to be with. If problems became serious then I would worry about it. I knew what she was like, and I made it clear that I was mom and my ex seems to respect that.however I get the impression his gf tries really hard to be the mother when my kids there. I've seen her in action and once at my sons baseball tournament that my ex and gf took him to a few others thought she was my sons mom. My spouse and i came for an afternoon game and I was a bit displeased but I just calmly said I actually am his mother.
Left it alone and only told my spouse about it who thought that was typical of her to do. She has no kids if her own I don't think there planning in having kids and it obviously makes her feel good to always be involved with my kids with my ex. I can tell it gives her great pleasure. I still am not sure if it's sincere or if she does it in front of me to bug me like things she did before. One thing I have learned is that if I don't give it attention it kind if eases up, where before I said something and she would it more. I don't want to give her the satisfaction that she may be over stepping her place with me as mom or stepping on my toes. If it becomes really big deal I will go about it but I choose my battles carefully. It's just about being civil for the kids as I seen 6 years ago the hell we went through because of her and my ex and the conflict confrontation and I don't want my kids to go through that again either. I just stay clear of her when I can and even of my ex

In the end things somewhat worked out . The foster kids are back with their bio parents btw. It took about three years and I seen them regularily even after my breakup. Now I've stepped back and let their bio parent raise them .also my ex and his gf are super close with them and the parents now, so my place is not there anymore and that's totally fine. I found out who my real friends are and that's ok. I still see the boys on their birthdays but everyone's moved on and happy. My sons are close with my spouse and respect him as boys would do an uncle and I'm greatful for that.my ex well he's a good dad but just not a good boyfriend and I lived and learned. We both just didn't fit right together. His gf I wish her happiness but just don't ever want to be friends with her again. I've realized in the past few years I'm thankful that my ex and his gf did what they did and it caused me to leave. It took me awhile to come to terms but I see now that I deserved a lot better. I also see how he still is and I think God everyday I'm not with him because he would if continued to betray me in many ways.
There is hope after separation, loss, breakups .. It's just how we react and deal with it that makes the outcome successful or not