I have zero degrees in psychology or psychiatry. So anything offered it's just a thought, not any sort of expert advice. I do have a family member diagnosed as BPD, and when I've talked to therapist myself, the way I describe my mother sounds like BPD to them. So I've had people in my life with it, and that's where this is coming from.

usually people with personality disorders can't see that in themselves. My family member was diagnosed, and when it was revealed to her what her diagnosis was, she said that's not what was wrong and listed the four other things that were wrong with her. But she would not accept a diagnosis of BPD. This is true of narcissists as well. So it is possible you're high functioning and self-aware and have BPD. However, there are also other things that present very much like BPD. For instance, bipolar 2 often looks a lot like BPD, so it's treated with medication, and BPD can usually only make progress through cognitive behavioral therapy. Again, this is just based on what I know for people with these diagnoses.

I know from your past post that you're probably struggling financially, but in order to get a diagnosis, you really need to see a psychiatrist. It would take several sessions at least to get a diagnosis on something that's as hefty as a BPD or bipolar diagnosis. in the meantime, if you wanted to read books on cognitive behavioral therapy, which could just be helpful regardless of a diagnosis, maybe that's a good next step. But also if you are worried about your mental health, please find a way to see someone and get the appropriate support structures in place,

Nobody is perfect when it comes to mental health, and i think a lot of people have some aspects of various disorders. I don't read BPD from you, OP, but you never know.

You seem very self-critical. I sometimes struggle with fears of abandonment by my partners. That didn't start until my early 30s, though, after leaving a stressful marriage and then my next 2 partners cheated. I tend to be self-critical too, and when i read about a disorder there's that moment where i'm like "omg is that me?" That usually goes away, though, and i know i'm not perfect and have things i need to work on with myself. We all do.

Why don't you go to a therapist and ask if they think you have a disorder? I've been to 2 and they told me i need better self esteem and need to set better boundaries. I also have anxiety. From your last post, it sounds like maybe you have similar issues but you can't tell from one post. Cut yourself some slack, and take steps to improve your mental health. You are likely no more f'd up than most of us. We all struggle.

People can have traits of ‘insert label’ but not serious enough to be diagnosed with ‘again insert label’.  It partially depends on how these things affect that persons life and people around them. 

My daughters educational psychologist said that eg it is quite common for parents of a child diagnosed with something to recognise ‘a few of those traits’ in themselves. 

Not much help but I thought I would share it. 

That you are able to ask this question of yourself and are seeking input in all liklihood indicates that you do not have a major issue.

Your self awareness is extremely healthy and sadly is significantly rare in the blended family world.

IMHO.

When I look at myself objectively, it's crossed .y mind. Then I'm reminded that everytime I go into a rage, it's been provoked by antagonizing behaviour from both SS and DH.... and usually when SS is here. Other times I'm happy as a clam.... and my mood shifts when they walk through the door.

Rationally, while my "mood swings" can be intense, they can generally be rationalized if not justified by specific triggers.... so no. I don't actually think it applies to me.

Pretty certain my ex has BPD. Had to leave her because of it. 

Now DS 9 seem to have the same "I love you / I hate you",  "go away / don't leave me", blame / berate behavior. It's a real worry for me. (Thankfully though so far no 45 min rage fits like the ex would have)

While still married (trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my wife) I delved deep into research about BPD. Dilectic Behaviour Therapy is one of the only cures for it and it takes years. 

I understand it's rare for people with it to recognise it in themselves. A big part of it is denial of any problem. Many with it won't seek help. 

This woman is a total saint - she is a recovered bpd sufferer turned therapist. 

https://ajmahari.ca/tag/borderline-personality-disorder/

I reccomend paying for a Skype session with her. (I did) 

Watch her youtube videos too. Amazing human being. 

My ex will never seek help. Denial dot com.