Not narissistic or poorly raised. Which is the foundation of my Skid being a success story.  He won the mom lottery while the Spermidiot end of his gene pool is fully failed, shallow, and polluted.

DW was 16 when my SS-31 was born.  The Spermidiot was 23.   As a single teen mom DW had full physical and legal custody from day one.  When SS was 1yo DW engaged a lawyer to go after paternity and CS.  The Spermidiot was assigned paternity and CS was set at $110/mo.  Not long after that DW and SS left the State of SpermLand for DW to attend university.  We met there when SS was 15mos old.  We married the week before he turned 2yo.

DW and I rased SS as equity parents.  He had an intact home in a collaborative marriage between equity life partners. We raised him with standards of behavior and standards of performance. He was pretty much a good kid. Nothing more than the occassional teen boy brain farts. We required that he behave and interface respectfully with us and as much as we could gave him the message to interface and behave respectfully his SpermClan and behave when he was in SpermLand for visitation.

Sadly, their lies, manipulations, and odd attempts to PAS SS against his mom and me during their intermittent long distance visitations (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring) stood out to SS and bothered him.  As he grew up, he learned to trust his smell test instincts regarding their lies, manipulations, and PAS.  We answered his questions with the facts in an age appropriate manner. He would often be in our home office in his Custody/Visitation/Support files reading the CO, listening to the court recordings from hearings, reading the call logs, journals, and listening to the recorded telephone calls, and raging profane answering machine messages when SpermGrandHag would call to rant.  We lived in a single party concent state for recording conversations and recorded every conversation had with the SpermClan.  As we were in a single party concent State, we were not required to nor did we ever inform them that the conversations were being recorded. They hated when after they lied to the Judge we rolled out their recorded voices saying what they had just told the Judge they did not say.

The sadest thing about people like this is that they victimize the kids then don't stop their bullshit when the kid ages out from under the CO. Rarely do the lies, manipulations, and PAS end when a kid reaches the age of majority.  Ultimately this is what drove my SS to write off the shallow and pollutend of his gene pool.  

Once he turned 18 the SpermClan immediately ended CS. They pre-filed to end CS on his B-day.  Nearly immediately they started trying to guilt him into sending money for the support of his three younger spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.  When SS started his airforce career, the pressure increased with demands that he re-pay the CS that the SpermClan had paid for SS.  That was pretty much the point where he wrote them off and put them in the collective POS box that they built for themselves in his mind and heart.

SS-31 is the only one in the entire spermclan who is a quality person.  The Spermidiot is a serial statutory rapist failed gangbanger wannabe, spermidiot spawn #2 is on the dole, spawn #3 is in prison, spawn #4 is not far behind spawn #3.  Sadly, #3 and #4 are succeeding in living up to the Opie Cunningham looking SPermidiot's fantasy of Crip or Blood notoriety.  #3 and #4 are biracial and have gangbanger cred that their idiot father does not.

It breaks our hearts and SS's heart that the three younger half sibs had no chance of escaping the shallow and polluted end of SS's gene pool.  SS is the only one of the 3 not raised primarily by the SpermGrandHag who created the Spermidiot.  When the Hag was complaining about how SS had opportunities that the three younger ones didn't have and had nice things, good schools, a nice home, etc... we called her bluster and offered to assume custody of the three younger onces. You would have thought we pissed on her leg.  They were all in on lying, manipulating, and PASing SS but when we gave them the opportunty provide his three younger half sibs exactly the same life, 

Full physical and legal custody with a long distance visitation schedule where the CP never lives near a toxic NCP is the magic secret sauce for success.  At least  in our experience.

SS-31 is a viable adult and a man of character, accomplishment, and standing in his career, life, and community.

I'm 79 and I've seen a lot.  My observation is that however people are as children, they become more and more like themselves as they age   I do think that people pick up some social graces and conformity behavior in order to get along in life so I guess that could constitute a change.  But basic personalities don't change, imo.

Ah yes, the whole Nature vs. Nurture debate. You can be predisposed to a certain temperment. How you are raised can either make it worse or try to minimize certain things. Ex. quick to anger, rigidness, manipulative, etc. Someone's CORE personality doesn't change as they get older though. Read into Emotional Intelligence too in your spare time... super intersting! 

I would consider my SK's to be spoiled rotten, OSD was parentified, YSD was infantized and both were used as BM's emotional support dogs, BM is very emotionally violatile. SD's were permissively parented. In these respects they are what I would consider poorly raised.

On the other hand they never wanted for anything, their education was treated as the most important thing in the universe and both parents volunteered at their schools and after school activities. BM didn't work so she was able to spend massive amounts of time with them during the day. She actually went to school with SD's and bitched at the teacher's if her precious diablas weren't getting special treatment. DH would take over after work and on weekends when BM needed time to do her journaling, "me time" or whatever BS. BM was "too busy" to care for her own children.

SDiablas26&24 are successful enough by outside standards. They graduated from college. OSD found a well-paying job right out of college. YSD can't find a job in her field of study but she recently did get a restaurant job, moved out of BM's house into an appartment with roommates and appears to be paying her own way now. Compared to these "failure to launch" kids that sit and watch YouTube all day or play video games, I guess they're doing pretty good.

As far as decent human beings? They are still narcissistic as*hats. I am very grateful that DH is no longer has them on the payroll. To me that is good enough.

But being disengaged, you will never see it.