The saying is true....when you give an inch they take a mile. Issues going on with sd13. Both parents kinda just hope they go away but they do the minimal. Get her into counseling. Start an anti anxiety med but then that's it. I found some crap (pocket knives) in her room after some other issues going on. I was genuinely concerned and figured it was nothing. She isn't cutting (this time) but she spewed out a ton of lies of why she had them. Come to find out she got them from bms house. She's just a sneaky kid that is afraid to tell the truth about anything. (She ate three chocolate bars in one sitting the other night in our house after we were in bed but she's lying about it. Nobody else would have eaten them).  I laid it all out to her that I feel like she's ignored. She agreed. Her, my husband and myself talked and I said a lot. How I feel like she wants things but won't ask for them or if I ask if she wants something it's always no. Come to find out she wants those things....some makeup, drawing books, new pencils. It's basic stuff. I decided I would try harder with her. She's very backwards, doesn't know if she is wants to be straight or gay (she knows I'm supportive of whatever) and she wants to be labeled....cis, trans, poly.... I think if you know you know but whatever. So we all went to the mall and she stuck to me like glue....looking for earrings.  
 

here we are today. The kids go back to BMs today. DH is working until 8 pm. BM worked last night so can't come get the kids. I offered to take them to her this evening. It's either that or keep them until Wednesday. DH is teaching and has an adult class he teaches in the evenings. He won't be home until 9. I would rather be in my house alone than the skids alone with me. So I said I'll take them to BM. 
 

Now I get a text asking if I can take sd13 to pick up her new glasses bc DH is working and can't leave and BM won't drive the 25 minutes to pick her up and take her to the eye doctor which is 5 minutes from my house because she's sleeping since she worked last night. So I took her. She needs her glasses. I haven't offered any help since I disengaged over a year ago and I offered a little help and this is what happens. What a quick lesson learning you can't really do that at all. Next time DH can schedule the eye appointment sooner and be off for the summer to be able to also take her to get the new glasses. He has a teacher schedule and is off a lot in the summer. Plan better because I took my lunch hour to do this. Literally can't even give an inch.