First real disengagement "test"
I have pulled away from my Skids (16 & 15) for the past year or so - still being cordial and doing what needs to be done, but really nothing more. My SD15 is in competition cheer over the winter. Last year we told them I was pregnant with my second child just before cheer started. They both acted horrible to me about it and it has led to a lot of bad feelings between all of us. I told them then that if their schedules interfered with my boys' schedules I WOULD NOT put their needs in front of my bio-boys.
Here we are again - comp cheer time. She told me last night that they have practice starting at 7:30 several nights a week (she's just guessing at this point - we don't have a schedule). I said let's wait and see what the times are and she of course knows better and said that would be it & kept pushing it - I right away came back with "you know that's going to be a problem, right? BS5Mos goes to bed just before then". She kind of huffed and walked away.
FF to this morning, we have cameras outside of our house. I can hear her complaining to her brother as they leave for school about what I said and that "It was never a problem last year. It's called having teenagers and babies. What is her problem?". And her brother of course agreed and said things are now becoming a problem...blah, blah, blah.
SERIOUSLY!?!? Yes it's a problem! When you shoved me aside, told me what I want doesn't matter, and I had done everything I possibly could up to that point to NOT let me having my own kids affect them AT ALL and they STILL tell me I don't matter - YES it's a problem to put my kids aside for them. They actually expected that nothing would change around the house and I should still do all of the same things I did before. Ha! Not after the way they treated me and telling me I shouldn't have had kids! They have no flippin' clue.
Thankfully when I told my husband about it he agreed with me that I already have crazy nights trying to get 2 young kids fed, bathed, and ready for bed within 2.5 hours that I'm home after work and don't have time to driver an ungrateful teenager.
Sorry, but I wouldn't offer
Sorry, but I wouldn't offer to give her a ride ANYWHERE. Daddy can do it or they can find another way to and from. Uber, bicycle, roller blades, WALK...
I second this
I second this
Good for you for sticking to
Good for you for sticking to disengagement and it only further proves your point that it was the right decision. They only USE you when its CONVENIENT for them. Oh well I guess they will have to figure a way to go to practice during the week. Their BM can do the footwork or even your H.
I wouldn't waste my breath, time or energy even explaining anything to them. Direct them to their father and tend to your kids. They need you and they are you're priority, not these ungrateful brats.
LOL! BM... Last year after
LOL! BM... Last year after the second pregnancy announcement SS16 moved out, but SD15 stayed. She ACTUALLY told my husband and I that she only stayed becuase she was starting cheer and knew her mom wouldn't pay for it or get her to practices.
Wow - thanks for staying!!
Honestly. Why do they think
Honestly. Why do they think its YOUR job to do for them? Why did she even bring it up to you instead of her dad?
I'd suggest she arrange a
I'd suggest she arrange a ride with other cheerleaders. That would really stoke her bitching! Let her fend for herself. What a little snot.
That's exactly what I have
That's exactly what I have told her to do SOOO many times! We live about 10 minutes outside of town so she says no one wants to come pick her up. Even when we offer to pay them... Really? I can't imagine a bunch of kids who just got their licenses don't want to drive for some extra cash. And we over pay them bc we know it's not "right down the street" from the school.
Well, you know, it's never
Well, you know, it's never cool to be the kid getting the ride -- it's only cool to be the kid giving the ride! Yea, I'm sure she could find someone, especially if she appealed to a parent driver. Most parents would be happy to help out, especially knowing you have your hands full. And after all, the squad isn't complete without all the girls there, right?
Ha, ha...cheerleading...so patriarchal...when will we women learn?
Trying with disrespectful
Trying with disrespectful ungrateful people aint worth it. I spoke to my partner's kids' cousin the other day and SHE has had her fill of my partner's kids too. She wont even TELL them where she lives and they are first cousins....... through disengagement my partner's son cannot knock MY door. He was desperate to go to the loo the other day and knocked the neighbour's house...the neighbour asked him why cant you knock where your father lives?......... (silence.....sound of crickets..) The fool could not answer as he KNOWS why I banned him from my home and have totally disengaged...additionally the neighbour is fed up of my partner's daughter and she knocks on their door, does NOT say good evening, goes into their house and SHOUTS for her daughter THE BRAT to come downstairs......some people have no basic manners...my partner's manners are good but his kids (in the UK) have NO MANNERS to me...I HAD TO CUT THEM OFF FOR MY OWN SANITY..... they are now realising that they have bit the hand that fed them and there is no comeback.......
Just re-watched the video
Just re-watched the video because I wanted to make sure I wasn't hearing things. The SD15 actually says "it's called having teenagers and F$%#ING babies". Even better...
Yeah well its called getting
Yeah well its called getting her stink little @ss to walking and finding her own way to practice. I'd make it very uncomfortable for her to live in my house. I'd want her to go with her brother and live with her no good mother.
"I'd make it very
"I'd make it very uncomfortable for her to live in my house. I'd want her to go with her brother and live with her no good mother". Me too! In fact, now that OP is not going to be getting her to practice/competitions she will probably volunteer to go back to her BM.
I'd make it very
I'd make it very uncomfortable for her to live in my house
That could backfire and start a 'war' between the spouses. Tread carefully!
And to top it ALL off...
And to top it ALL off... Apparently SS16 must have been busy after school today because SD15 got a RIDE HOME FROM SCHOOL?!?!? Can't get rides for cheer, but to avoid taking the bus she was able to find a ride home from school today...
Not.Your.Problem.
Not.Your.Problem.
Strangely, I can believe how entitled and inconsiderate these teenagers are! You need to revolve your life around theirs and they will still disrepect and disregard you. It is mind blowingly self-interested and rude. (Your post actually sent chills down my spine as it was so reminiscent of my ex-SD.)
Please continue to disengage from these children. If they are mouthy enough to smack talk your priorities about your own children, then they are mouthy enough to find their own transport. I personally don't have time for ingrate users.
It sounds like some things
It sounds like some things were said mutually in the past that were a bit cutting. I mean, you literally told them that even if they had needs that the new baby would take precedence... basically always. Now, I understand what you were saying but the kids hear "we are being replaced and don't matter". The truth is that it's their father's responsibility to make sure that all his kids NEEDs are taken care of or prioritized.
What does he say about the fact that you are no longer able to give the kids rides after school as you used to? Where is he and why can't he take his turn at the wheel? What are SS16's plans for a car and if one is provided perhaps a condition of that priviledge is that he has to take a share of helping to drive his younger sister when things fall past the baby's bed time?
I understand your point about
I understand your point about what they heard - everyone hears what they want. That was after SEVERAL comments they made to me and my husband about us having a second child, then going back about how they are mad about our first one - then to continue on to say that we are horrible, inconsiderate, should have asked their permission, they don't want anything to do with me or the two boys. They also moved out for a week and one moved back in (we allowed them to have their space to digest the news). And several comments now on a regular basis about how we can't do certain things 'because we have kids'. For example, we told SS16 to stop sleeping around because if he gets someone pregnant we wouldn't be responsible for it - his response? "I know, you already have 2 kids of your own to take care of". That is definitely NOT the reason...which was of course explained, but I'm sure not understood.
My husband drives a truck for a living and although he is local, he usually works very long hours. He will probably be home to be able to take her maybe 50% of the time. SS16 has a car which we gave him and he does help out with rides when he isn't working. I would only have to take SD15 a few times here and there which is why I said to her THOSE times would be a problem and she would need a ride those few times I couldn't take her. She only heard that I'm not doing it...
And her comment about it working last year - well, it did. She started earlier because she was on both JV & Varsity so she had to stay for both practices. She was at the school between 5:30-6 usually, not 7:30. And I only had one small child - big difference to have 2 this winter.
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Let BM schlep the 16 & 15yo
Let BM schlep the 16 & 15yo around. You have young kids that consume your time.
Punt to the womb donor!
Good luck.