Transportation question.
So I have a quick question about transporting the children for visitation.
We are looking ahead to the summer which starts the same weekend as memorial weekend. This year BM gets he kids till 8 PM Monday. If she keeps them till then it will be difficult for my boyfriend to pick then up because of his work. I am willing to pick them up for him and he's ok with that.
I've transported the children back one time when BM requested we keep them later. Boyfriend had work and I was ok doing it.
Problem is BM is typically hostile towards me unless it suits her to be nice like in the before example.
The agreement states she gets the kids till 8PM Monday. As far as I understand he is responsible for transportation and can allow me to pick them up or drop them off for him. Ontop of that she has allowed me to transport before when it suited her.
We're afraid she will try saying no to me picking them up. What can we do if she does?
Before anyone ask. I know it's not my responsibility. Boyfriend has taken care of all other transportation and is responsible for his kids but we do share an apartment and have future plans. I am not against helping. This is the first time we will have the children for an extended time and will allow me to see if this is something I'm ok with.
If push comes to shove he can talk to his boss about coming in late but it's easier if I it and allows us to function the way we want to rather than letting BM have control which is why she would refuse to let me pick them up.
Thank you. He has already
Thank you. He has already messages her but she has an issue replying back unless she needs something. Thankful it's through a parenting app so he does have proof. They have an working CO. This isn't just for a weekend visitation. He gets them for 6 weeks during the summer and it starts that date. He has off weekends so he is always home when the kids visit but during this block of course he will still have to work but it's no different then any other parent.
Funny how some BMs do this.
Funny how some BMs do this. She has no problems asking for them back a bit early or for Dad to keep them a bit later....but H8ll no when it's for Dad and not for herself.
With a four and six year old coming for six weeks, unless you have all the usual kid clothes and stuff , expecting them to load up themselves into the vehicle might be hard for them. Yeah, I know some say 'oh, sure at three my kid was doing blah blah', meh, whatever. You know these kids, *we* here do not, so you know their abilities best.
I totally agree if ignoring anything BM says to rattle your chain. Quickly get kids in vehicle and keep moving. Eight is kinda late unless the trip isn't far for little ones. Be sure your vehicle is in good working condition (you mentioned car issues the other day) and that she knows you are coming.
If she squeals and resist you being the one coming, Dad will just have to do it the next day himself. As long as there is documentation showing he tried to work with her on the date/time , she'll look the *ss if she tries saying he can't have them Tuesday if needed. Especially when he can show she does ask herself for early/late drop-off-pick-ups.
Six weeks with a four and six year old. Lol. You and Dad will have your hands full, but it's a fun time to have them when you all can get outside and play, do parks, zoos, swimming and just watching butterflies.
They are 4 and 7 and he's
They are 4 and 7 and he's slowly made sure they have everything they need because we can't depend on BM to send a thing.
The Jeep is being fixed tonight. He bought the parts and one of his coworkers who is in auto has the tools he needs. We'll have a few weeks till then too to make sure it's good to go.
Yeah this will be a crash course to see if I really can handle it. I mean we've had them every other weekend and there's been no problems but alot can hide when it's such a short time.
We've been working out a plan of how handle things while they are with us. I know one week they will be doing a day camp. I have some flexibility in my hours so I'll be able to get them breakfast so he can sleep a little before he needs to be up.
Our apartment has a pool and the city we are in has alot of parks and a really nice library they enjoy. My mom's also offered to watch them for a few hours if we run into any issues though we're not depending on that at all.
It's about an hour drive so well get home right around bed time so it will be ok. They'll most likly fall asleep in the jeep and be out of it by the time we get home.
We've been working with them on a rewards chart for good behavior and helping with chores so they can earn trips to the movies, local arcade, bowling, and skating. Really I'm not to afraid. Boyfriend knows if it comes down to it it's his job to take care of stuff.
We don't expect her to give
We don't expect her to give them up early. He works nights so that he can support the kids and is assured he will have weekends off to be with his kids. If he has to he can go in late so he can pick them up but it would be easier if I pick them up.
There's some factors that make it impossible for him to use his PTO to just take off.
Normally he picks up the kids on Fridays at 5 PM. Because of it being Memorial weekend she gets to keep the kids till Monday at 8PM which is what's throwing things off some. He suppose to be at work by 9:30 and it's an hour drive to and from to pick them up.
He gone as far as agreeing to be responsible for all transportation to help keep things easy since she changed her work to be 16 hours on Sunday and it's impossible for her to pick up the kids so they can be to school on time Monday.
There's not a question of will he see the kids. It's a question of will she throw a fit that he has someone else picks up the kids so he doesn't have to miss work.
This is a high conflict BM who refuses to even answer a question unless it goes through the lawers until she needs something then heave forbid he not respond right away.
They have a working CO
They have a working CO through the lawyers. There are some different things that they are working on settling but when it comes to the visitation they've both been following it and repeatly she refers back to it.
The transportation part states that transportation is to be through a responsible adult. Nothing saying it has to be him or her. I have my DL and insurance as well as no negative marks. We'd rather he get the kids on time then wait till the next day since it's just as easy to make a big deal if he doesn't pick them up on time.
Again he could be late to work but why do that when I am just as capable of picking them up and brining them home. I'm not new and I've dropped them off before. I've also driven other times with him in the vehical and she's let them go knowing that.
Her boyfriend and family can transport them and there would no issue.
Longer than she and the
Longer than she and the boyfriend she recently moved herself and her children in with have been together and I would like to leave it at that.
Im refering to CO as a
Im refering to CO as a custody order not court order.
They are working with lawyers to finalize the divorce. They are trying to work through stuff and come to an agreement so there is no fighting infront of a judge. Yes he could push for a court date but so far it's been a slow process that HAS been moving forward. I say working because the CO is through the lawyers. She has so far respected that agreement. Yes she could stop following it at which point he could push for the court.
They both respect it and plan on it being the agreement that goes to the judge. It is the standard visitation order that is used for the city where the court will take place (yes city not state.)
There are other factors more concerning marital assets that they disagree on which is why they haven't gone to a judge yet.
Yes they could get temporary orders for some parts but this has worked for them since January.
He has documentation of these agreements through the lawyers as well as a parenting app that they use for communcation.
No problem. For the most part
No problem. For the most part he deals with her alone.
She doesn't contact me. She tried once to do so through Facebook and I didn't even notice till a week after. She refuses to speak to me the few times we are near each other which is fine with me.
The order says he is
The order says he is responsible so BM is within her rights to tell you "no" and withhold the kids until dad is capable of picking them up as he's suppose to. I know you keep mentioning she let you do it before but with high conflict BM's the rules and regulations change every day so don't hold on to anything. If she wants to be difficult she can and she probably will if she isn't expecting you. I would suggest your SO tell BM "I have to work, OP will be picking up the kids at 8 on Monday" and if she throws a fit then he has time to arrange getting off work to take care of his own transportation, if she says okay then changes her mind once you get there then document it all for court later on. I personally would record BM during pick up just in case.
Since this isn't an every
Since this isn't an every other weekend type of situation.. but a 6 week stay, I think dad needs to really try to be there for the exchange.
The options are
1. Ask BM if he can pick them up early so he won't miss work.
2. Ask work if he can come in late that one day.
3. Offer to let BM keep them till the next morning when he gets off work.
He "can" approach BM about the possibility of you doing the pickup, but he needs to be prepared to pick one of the other options if she says no.
Maybe bm can pick them UP
Maybe bm can pick them UP when it is her time to have visitation?
And dad can pick them up when it is his time for visitation?
Your the girlfriend.
Its time for YOU to let your boyfriend figure this out. He should be doing to driving not you.
JMO of course
"what did dad do last year at
"what did dad do last year at this time?
how did he pick them up on memorial day at 8pm?
was there issues then?"
You're forgetting the timeline on this one. There was no "what did Dad do last year at this time".
Yeah I was going to say that.
Yeah I was going to say that. Last year he had just gotten his own place after having lived with a friend since their separation and she had COMPLETE control over when and if he saw the kids. Because he was working nights and only had a one bedroom he played by her rules and for the most part he got them at least every other weekend but he never got holidays.
In December she filed the initial paperwork for divorce and custody. They have been working through lawyers since trying to come to a settlement so that the final orders are what they want and not just what a judge blindly decides not knowing their circumstances.
For example standard visitation states Noncustodal - Dad is responsible for visitation at the start while custodial - mom is responsible at the end. Now he could stick to that or be reasonable. She works 16 hours on Sunday and there is NO way she can pick them up. Her boyfriend wont do it (and doesn't have to) and none of her family can either. So they agreed that the child support will be reduced by x amount and he will return the kids. Basically she is paying the gas for the return trip.
This year has been a process of figuring stuff out with a lot of first. I wanted to know what other peoples agreements said because his is vague. It simply stated that "a responsible adult will provide transportation". To us that reads that I can transport the children if he wishes and I agree. Just like her boyfriend or family could pick them up if she agreed.
Though the order says 5pm on
Though the order says 5pm on Friday BM has requested he just pick them up at school which he has. Even when she keeps the kids home for some reason she'll message him and say to come get them whenever. She only follows the CO to a T when it's something she wants which is her right. We don't expect her to adjust the pick up time and we know she would throw a fit trying to say he doesn't want them if he doesn't get them till the next day.
Getting them the next day would also mess with his sleep cycle more since he wouldn't be able to go straight after work in sure. She wouldn't want him to get them till atleast noon I would guess and really why should the kids have to be ready by 7.
There are reasons why he can't take off the whole day or else he would. We're hoping she will just agree to let me pick them up. If not he can be late. We're starting the process early. He sent her a message about it yesterday but of course she hasn't responded yet. He may have to send the request or information through the lawyer.
We had to get this clarified
We had to get this clarified in our CO when the SpermClan tried to play games with the travel schedule.
The clarified transportation section of our CO made each party responsible for transport of the child to their location. In other words the SpermClan was responsible for SS's transportation to SpermLand for visitation and we were responsible to transport him home. The clarification also provided for pick up and drop off schedules and basically said that my wife was to receive the kid back on the last day of visitation at or before the time the kid began his travel to SpermLand on the first day of visitation. This was to clarify that travel was on the NCPs time to ensure the kid would not miss school. The Judge also clarified that each party was to facilitate the travel of the child including putting the kid on the plane for visitation and return travel and that each party could delegate child transport to others (Grand Parents, Step Parents, friends, family, etc....).
If your CO does not provide this level of detail I suggest that your SO get back to court pronto for a clarification. One thing he should ask for is establishment of transport responsibility for each party to be responsible to get the kid(s) to their location. This forces half of the responsibility of transport onto the BM.
If it would be of any help the relevant sections of our CO are included below:
e. Times for beginning and ending visits shall be flexible to accommodate transportation arrangements. Visits shall end after an amount of time less than or equal to the period provided in this order. Thus, for example, a visit from September 25 through October 8 is a visit for two weeks, and petitioner shall be entitled to the return of the child after 336 hours (24x14) has passed since the petitioner released the child to the care of the respondent. Said differently, petitioner shall be entitled to return of the child on the final day of the visit, at or before the time at which she released the child to the respondent’s care on the first day of the visitation.
3. The cost of transportation for all visitations shall be handled by the parties as follows: Each party shall be responsible to provide transportation to bring the minor child from the child’s location to the party’s location. For example, Mr. "DickHead" shall arrange and be responsible for the child’s transportation to Mr. "Dickhead’s" residence for visitations. Petitioner shall arrange and be responsible to provide transportation back to her residence. This may include any acceptable transportation including transportation by grandparents or other designated responsible adult. Each party shall cooperate in making travel arrangements for the child’s return, including driving the child to the airport, if necessary.