Help! This darn tooth!
Hello! So my stepson just lost his first tooth at school the other day. I had plans to put it in his kindergarten scrapbook i have been creating for him. He lives with us full time. He sees his biomom sometimes once a week Friday after school till Saturday when I get off work. I am the main caregiver, and I do everything for him. She texted me today right after I dropped him off with her and said "I want his tooth" it sort of upset me because I was the one who played tooth fairy and had plans to put it in the scrapbook. I asked my friend (she is not a stepparent and has no kids) if I was wrong for wanting to keep the tooth and she said yes that it's his biological mom so she should get it. Am i wrong for feeling frustrated and bummed. I can't help but feel deflated and angry sometimes when i do everything and then it's just oh well she's the mom. Well she doesn't act like one. Can anyone please help me with how they would feel. Please be honest and let me know if I am being silly!!! I don't know any other stepparents who might understand my feelings! Thanks.
Ugh, I hate the tooth issue,
Ugh, I hate the tooth issue, DH and BM share 50/50 both of them hope that SD will lose their tooth at their home,And really the kid is going to the dentist because of me.
If it were me, I wouldn't care. Just take a picture of him with his tooth and put that in your scrapbook, much nicer than him finding a disgusting old tooth in there (BTDT - I had parents that kept everything) and give BM the tooth.
Hahahaha!! I'll tell her I'm
Hahahaha!! I'll tell her I'm mailing it to her sold. Hopefully he will loose another one soon and she can have that one. Not sure why I didn't think of that!
This is amazing.
This is amazing.
Wouldn't bother me at all.
Wouldn't bother me at all.
I'm with tommar - I think they're gross and I always had my kids toss them.
Unfortunately she's more
Unfortunately she's more interested in the tooth. Confusing really
Give me the tooth,but keep
Give me the tooth,but keep the kid.LOL
I kept my son's teeth. I wrote down the date eat one came out. The teeth and paper are tucked away with a copy of the book Authur's Tooth. I read that damn book every night for 3 months. He didn't lose his first tooth until the end of 1st grade.
Maybe he doesn't want it and
Maybe he doesn't want it and think both women are being a bit crazy/petty about the whole thing.
The bm made the decision
The bm made the decision herself to have pretty much nothing to do with him besides a fun play date here and there. She has absolutely nothing to do with day to day life etc. all his friends at school his teacher and everyone else at the school assume I'm his mom because they've never even seen his mom and never will. She just wants what she feels like she deserves for being "mom". Even on Mother's Day she yelled at him for doing something for me because and I quote "I birthed you you came out of me you have one mom" however she refuses to do anything mom related at all. I suppose I'm just very sentimental and my parents keeps everything of mine for me. Pretty much she wants the tooth and every possible milestone without having to do anything or spend a penny. Brilliant!! Mostly it is soooooo refreshing to hear someone say what you said so thank you!!! Also he is definitely going to turn into an angry teen who hates the world. I can see it coming :/
I dont normally comment on
I dont normally comment on forum posts... but here goes.
I lived w/ dad and sm. Mom came around occasionally. She misses/missed so much she longs for those milestones.... my mom did.
Im not close to either side as an adult...
Take a pic, let the bm have a small piece of her kid. And move on.... u do ur share cuz u want to. Dont deprive bm, keep moments for urself too as u have the best of motives. But find a middle ground u can live with and still treasure.
I hope this is not too
I hope this is not too prying, but did your mom at the time make the decision to not be involved?
Yes. She did the family thing
Yes. She did the family thing cuz u were supposed to at that age. But she hadnt grown up herself.
She had custody to start with but knew dad was much more stable and reliable so we went to live w/ him. They didnt fight or argue abiut it or hold anything over eachothers heads. They both did what was truly in the kids (our) best interest.
But she missed alot. And occasionally dad and sm would throw her a bone... and shes told me, as adults now, how much she treasured that, however undeserving....
There are a looot of shitty
There are a looot of shitty bm's. Mine wwas one of them. She knew that without having salt rubbed in the wound ...
Even at bro's wedding she approached dad an mom(sm) and thanked them for raising such an incredible young man.
She knew she was a shitty mom. An years later still treasures the crumbs she was thrown....
I wish his bm was like that.
I wish his bm was like that. She has severe bipolar disorder and refuses to take her medication (based on preference to drink). She is under the impression based on mania episodes that somehow she is mother of the year. We have invited her to everything and although she never shows she still constantly puts us down and tells us we "doing this that and the other thing wrong etc". It just really bums me out that we try to include her in everything I bend over backwards times a million as to never upset her even in the slightest and the she says "I want that tooth" but I suppose it is just a tooth and I have all the memories. it just strikes me the nerve of her and how she asked.
If its not a hill to die on,
If its not a hill to die on, toss her a crumb. Or tooth lol! Karma will catch up to both you and bm.
Send her crumbs if you wish
Send her crumbs if you wish to. Do for her only what you want to do and feel comfortable doing. You are already raising her kid, which is IMO the hardest job in the world.
She is not entitled to that tooth. If you don't want to send it, don't.
Yep, you are wrong for
Yep, you are wrong for feeling frustrated and bummed. But likely not for the reason that you think. You are wrong for giving a crap about what BM wants. Tell BM it has already been put in his childhood book and that is where it will stay. Then she can STFU.
End of discussion. Period. Dot.
As for your friend.... she gave her opinion. Remember, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and some are one. Your friend shared hers, why let it bother you? She does not live your blended family situation. You do. Those that ascribe status to a person based only on their breeding status are not at the peak of mental giantism. So, nod, give her a half smile, and move on to another topic more appropriate to your friend's mental capabilities.
I treat people as they earn to be treated. So does my son (Formerly SS-23 now adopted). He understands clearly that the idiots in the shallow and polluted SpermClan end of his gene pool get no consideration, over anything, ever, unless HE chooses to consider then entirely at his discretion. They have earned nothing but guardedly polite marginalized tolerance primarily made up of being ignored but are eternally on the edge of complete detestation.
That is how anyone should be treated who earns that treatment by their intollerable behaviors.
IMHO of course.