When is enough, enough?
Forums:
My fiance and I have been together for 6 years. We both come from a divorce. He has an eleven year old daughter who refuses to make a relationship with me. So much so, that she will not come to our house. He has to go over to his ex-wifes house to see her. He spends 5-6 hours at a time over there. I was coping with it but now we have a baby together. The baby is several weeks old now and his daughter still hasn't seen him. I asked to meet in a neutral location and he refused. He said she would come when she is ready. Isn't 6 years long enough. Help! I don't know what to do. Its like he really has two families.
The problem isn't necessarily with the daughter....
... If this has been going on for 6 years... that would have made her...5 years old at the time that she "refused" to come to your house when it was dad's weekend... Are you KIDDING me!!! She's a CHILD for crying out loud! Children can't make decisions, and should NEVER be allowed to make decisions (nor possess control) like that. Her brain isn't even through growing yet. We're talking about a creature that eats their own buggers! At 11 years old, they still slobber when they sleep! It's true! I've seen it!
Seriously, do the math. In kid-years her life-span has DOUBLED. Your husband needs to "grow a set." And "Princess" needs to get the chip off her shoulder and GET OVER IT ... whatever "IT" is. Toughen up soldier! Time to take the next step... called...LIFE.
Besides, how is she ever going to learn to deal with LIFE if daddy protects her from being upset all the time. (And at this point, I'll have to actually use the word "hindering" because he's actually "hurting" her - doing more harm than good.) Plus, he's actually "encouraging" her to be more standoffish and resentful. Then again... why stop NOW??? She's successfully avoided you for MORE than HALF HER LIFE!
Does he do this because he truly feels like he's doing the right thing? Or does he do it because he wants to avoid the drama because "it's just easier???" (And I don't mean what he TELLS you his reasons are.... What do YOU THINK his reasons REALLY are???)
Seriously, it's time to move on. And it needs to start with dad.
Let us know how it works out. Good luck!!
Tootsie
"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"
yes, good luck with this.
yes, good luck with this. my wife is the same with her spoiled brat princess 13 year old kid. this kid does nothing for me and won't help around the house, won't talk to me, and i do everything for them. the wife won't reprimand her daughter and gets after me if i try to. i can't win. the bitch knows she can get away with anything. we have been together for 8 years, married for 2 of those years. i have no kids of my own. you would think, to have kids, AND SOMEONE WILLING TO HELP YOU WITH THEM....and pay most of the bills, you would at least back them or support them. yeah right. i'm thinking of leaving.
Sounds like my life!
I am battling the exact same problem...except I don't have a baby with my fiance'.....but the skids not wanting to come to our house and him visiting at BM's house is what I'm going through as well...I've just received some advice on a couple of my blogs, which I am going to implement immediately....it hurts, I know...and it's hard to tell someone something about their child...they only see it one way.....but if BM I think could nip the situation in the bud but she is manipulating the situation instead...she gets joy from him visiting there even if there's nothing going on....if she had someone in her life, they wouldn't allow him to visit there...but she or the the skid is not going to move on if he keeps visiting there.
This needs to stop
I can't believe this has been going on for 6 years! I have to say that this makes your "family" not a family and I'd be worried about HIS intentions of allowing this. It's time for you to set up some tough love of your own. So if you were to ever split with him, how's he going to manage going to two exes houses to see his kids??? This should never had happened in the beginning and it's now much more so HIS issue than his child's if it's been going on for 6 years!!!! Wow! I'm sorry, but it's time to look at whose at fault here. I think the child needs to grow up, btu why should she when all she can recall is daddy coming to visit her and mommy for the day???
This is insane. 6 YEARS??!!
This is insane. 6 YEARS??!! Who's the parent? It sounds like "princess" has never been given boundaries, and placating her just makes it worse. I agree with the crew here...that's not a family. It's his and yours....where's the "we". If he wanted to be married, then why in the world would he live two separate lives? And honestly, it's completely unfair to your baby to not have the chance to know her sibling. That's just wrong...and daddy's just feeding into this tantrum-like behaviour. JMO
Wow
I am with Tootsie on this one. I think it is DH's fault not insisting his child comes over. Who is the parent here?