We've decided to Live Apart Together but I get no say in anything
Hi,
I really hope someone can help me here or at least just listen to my vent LOL. I am so resentful in almost every aspect possible within my relationship. I have 2 daughters full time, SO had his 3 on a 50/50 arrangement. BM showed hate towards my girls and I the day my SO and I moved in together. Long story short my SO other pushed me into the house wife role immediately and demanded his kids to respect me as their SM. I'd had multiple discussions with him about the kids resenting me as they needed their Dad and not me, he picked up more hours at work and just expected me to run the household. School runs to 2 different schools, showers, dinners, bedtimes all on me while he worked. I never had a say as he would put back on me "if my kids are too hard, why did we move in together", that was never my point, I wanted him to be there for his kids not me. The house turned to chaos and within a few months I wanted to run with my girls. His kids were not happy, yelling at me and disrespecting me horribly, this was also re enforced by BM letting SK know they don't need to listen to me and tell me to "shut up". 4 no this ago he decided to take his kids on fulltime and casually said "Ill work away and provide for our family". Not happening, I stood my ground and left. His kids, his responsibility, don't take your kids if you can't even keep up a house for them on your own.
Since being apart he has had to care for his children on his own. He's become aware they're damaged from their BM (something I've been telling him for years but I was never heard)., he's said his kids are happier without my 2 DDs and I. "OMG!!!!! Yes, because they have Dad finally. Don't misinterpret that into me making them unhappy". He's allowing his kids now to call the shots on when we see each other or not (hasn't been allowed since Easter on his kids terms) he's now letting BM do 50/50 as she's attended 1 psych session and he thinks she's "better". She's better because she sees him alone and I look to be out of the picture to her. He doesn't get it.
Im so resentful that he has backed away from me to "please" his kids rather than continue to see me most days and be there for his own kids which is all I ever asked. He doesn't see that he and BM were the problem by not spending time with them. I'm just made to look like the villain because when we lived together it did suck as he wasn't around, so I look like I was the issue.
I don't know if I should just end it now or wait it out and see if he remembers we have a relationship too.
I'm sorry that you are going
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
Personally, this is not a relationship I would want to be in.
Thank you. Me either. Reading
Thank you. Me either. Reading back over the basics I've included in my post has made me realise I and my daughters were nobodies unless I was doing something for him lol what a waste of 4 years *fool*
Cut and run. Focus on your
Cut and run. Focus on your kids. OR if you want to work on this relationship---give kids to bio dad. THEN you can take all your engery to figure this out. Kids are kids...they deserve a parent who is not house hopping for some dude.
JMO
GoodLuck
Clearly he hoped to find a
Clearly he hoped to find a woman who would take care of his kids for him, which in my opinion, is not a realistic expectation.
I'd chalk this up to a mistake and move on.
I think you know the answer
I think you know the answer to your situation. Just read your own post. Almost nothing works with you. He was a problem.. his kids were a problem. his EX was a problem. For a variety of reasons... the relationship was just not workable..not for you.. and to be honest.. he is probably not a great candidate for anyone with his current limitations and responsibilities.
It's ok to tell yourself you have learned something from this experience and move on wiser.
Of course he is going to
Of course he is going to gaslight you and make you think everything is now wonderful that you are gone, he's lying!
If things were so wonderful he wouldn't be stringing you along keeping you on the line. Cut and run, don't be this man's fall back plan while he seeks out a new victim.
Oh Wow. What a horrible dad.
Oh Wow. What a horrible dad.
Did I read that right? He said to you that the "kids are happier without you and your kids?" Is this for real?
I would throw any man to the curb, including my DH, if that is said t me.
Makes me so mad, I think your partner can go f himself. Sorry you have to deal with this.
I personally would end it.
I personally would end it. The fact that he asked you why you moved in together if not for you to watch his kids shows that he's not looking for a true partner. The fact that he told you they're happier without you and your kids shows that he's hurtful. It sounds like he's looking for a nanny and it doesn't seem like much has changed. Dump him so you can find someone who wants to be a real partner to you.
You call him your SO so I'm
You call him your SO so I'm assuming you are not married.
He has made it abundantly clear that all he cared about was having someone who took on all his responsabilities in the home. In fact, waht he was looking for was an unpaid maid, cook, and nanny that he could f***. He is not worth your time and never was. Turn the page on that episode in your life and chalk it up to experience.
Your bio and your username give me the impression that you are a happy-go-lucky person but your SO seems to have sucked all of your joy from you. It's time to take it back. Don't pay any attention to him or what he's doing because he doesn't matter. He is utterly insignificant in your life. You deserve so much better and you know that.
Walk away from this scum and never look back. Your daughters will thank you for it.
This man has treated you as nothing but his maid, slave
to obey him and then gaslights you... he isn’t worth your time
They are all completely
They are all completely unappreciative of the time you have invested whilst he was busy at work.
He has a) allowed himself to be manipulated by his kids and b) will not allow himself to believe that any of their situation is his fault. It’s more convenient for him to blame you. Do you really want to be with someone that hasn’t ‘grown emotionally enough’ throughout his adult life, as chances are he never will. Or he will but put you through ten to twenty years misery first and then have a profound moment of clarity when something happens like if he were to get ill.
The boys father and I never parented out of guilt. We broke up 17 years ago. We were young, It wasn’t going to work. We just got on with it. We didn’t feel sorry for our kids. That wasn’t going to solve anything. My kids like their dads partner (she’s way too good for him lol).
I find it difficult to understand ‘guilty dad parenting’,
Walk away from this man and
Walk away from this man and all the issues that come with him. Live your best life with you and your daughters. In time karma will roll around and when his kids are grown and gone and he is alone, that's on him.
If you're
Not working, then yes, you should be watching his kids. Your dh should be working with you.
I'm so sorry you are going
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Honestly, I've told my bf that if he ever wants to live apart, we aren't going to be together anymore. If you can't act like an adult and deal with issues rather than running away, then this relationship isn't going to work.
You are right, if the parent
You are right, if the parent can't act like an adult and take care of their own kids, instead of pushing that responsibility onto someone else, it's not going to work.