"Take care of your own freakin kid" Vent
I am so irritated with my husband right now and need to bitch. I am a part-time student and he works so I do EVERYTHING for my 7 yr old SS, who lives with us fulltime. He is Bipolar and ADHD and a bunch of other problems so he is no picnic. Anyway I took him to get his hair cut and DH was looking at it and says it looks terrible and he never wants to see his hair cut like this again. I told him that he doesn't have to worry about it because from now on he can take him to get his hair cut himself. His reply was he'll just cut it himself which consists of shaving SS's head down to the bone. I guess he thought I'd argue because he knows I don't like when he shaves his head. He is very pale with thin blond hair and on several occasions with his hair shaved he was mistaken for a child undergoing chemotherapy. But guess what? I don't give a shit so shave you kid's bratty little head bald if it makes you happy. Just please take some responsibility. I may be your wife but I'm not your au pair.
PS I think I'm loosing my mind-it was a 4 day weekend. Thank God there is school tomorrow!
good for you
Dad should help with his child. That's a parents job. Its not all fun and haircuts can be a pain. My ex does not like his daughters hair shoulder length but since she won't brush it properly so that's how her hair is cut. She is 7.
Good luck getting dad to be more of a parent.
I'd go live with my parents,
finish school, get a part time job and LET HIM WATCH HIS OWN KID!
Soorrry for the rant!
?
this is the first time i have ever looked at this site ... i really need to vent !!! why do i feel like all wkend i am constantly picking up after, cooking for, washing clothes for and entertaining - someone else's children ..? i know why i am with my partner - but how can i survive his kids ?
post some blogs
And you can vent away! Oh- and why do you feel like all weekend you are picking up...cooking for...washing clothes for....entertaining someone else's children?
You must be doing all of that. Welcome to the club
Peace, love, and red wine
Again
I say pick up your things and wait til his children are either old enough to watch/clean/cook for themselves or are up and out. That is the ONLY salvation when the bioparents don't want to watch their OWN children.
I don't cook for nor clean up after ANYONE!!!!
snow days
When you said you were losing your mind with a four day weekend?
My kids have had 5 snow days, and several of them fell around other scheduled days off. I AM LOSING MY MIND TOO!
Can't wait for spring
Peace, love, and red wine
You are right
If he does not like it he should do it himself...as he should have been...that is a male bonding thing...go get your haircut together....that is what they should do.
sg
same prob
I cut my SSs hair because it was down to his shoulders and he was crying about it. I had mentioned this to bio-mom (we have joint custody) and she said that she would take care of it, so she cut off about a 1/2 inch of hair, SS still crying about it, so I cut it to about an inch long as the kid wanted. She screamed and threw a fit and cried about it.
My response was: "If you wanted it cut different, you should have done it. The kid cries about how long his hair is because it's hot and uncomfortable and the other kids make fun of him. So if you feel like it should have been differently, you can handle it from now on. But if I feel like he is unhappy, I will take care of it."
I am fascinated....
Why oh why did I think I was THE ONLY WOMAN in the world going thru these things?!?!?!?! This blog has provided much comfort to my tortured soul and I only joined yesterday!
If he hates the haircut, let him deal with it. We can only do so much as SM's. At the end of the day, it's his kid and he should do whatever the hell he wants with him.
But when there is a problem, they should leave us the hell out of it.
NotsoHappyNewlyWed
I'm so glad it's not just me
I'm so glad it's not just me that feels this way! I have a 2 year old of my own and a 7 year old step son. On the weekends we have both boys I feel like I am the maid of the house. My fiance sleeps as late as he wants, then sits in front of his comupter "working" while I am stuck doing everything for the kids. I love being a mom but I am not a maid, daycare provider or dictator. I'm tired of him letting me always look like the bad guy b/c he's too damn lazy to take care of his kid. I like your thinking!
I have the problem of being
I have the problem of being an enabler and a control freak. (hey at least I can admit it, right?) When DH is unable or unwilling to do something that I feel NEEDS to be done, I just do it myself. When I first moved in, I thought it was my job to be mommy to SS. I was 24 and he was 8 with a BM who paid very little attention to SS because he lives in our house. (She only gets EOW and one night a week which she never takes advantage of). Being a SParent is not good for a Controlling Enabler such as myself. I tried too much to be a parent, lay down the law, disciplining, and allowing DH to not do it because he knew if he left it go long enough, I would do it. Especially homework and school related issues. I've learned the hard way that sometimes, the more you do for the bioParent in your life, the more they will let you do, and pretty soon, you feel like a single parent of a child that is not yours.
I guess I'm just saying be careful how much you seem willing to take on. I've made a much more difficult road for myself now, trying to give responsibility back to someone who should have never given it away, and I'd hate to see you doing that too. The sooner you give it back the better.
My wife refuses to babysit
My wife refuses to babysit my bk's even if I have to travel for work as she isn't going to be inconvenienced for "my kids".
Frustrated... As my marriage
Frustrated...
As my marriage is ending I feel compelled to tell you if your W is not comfortable "babysitting" your BKs when you travel then you need to respect this request. It's one thing my STBX never did, and my SD was so bad- taking off on me when he was out of town, wrestling with me physically over my cell phone etc- by the end. Your W is not your babysitter. She is not their BM. If they cannot stay with BM while you are out of town on business and you want your marriage to work long term, then please...
find someone- grandma, aunt, etc, who will ENJOY their company without you there to help and to parent them.
I really am saying this out of a place of wanting to help. It's not just about being inconvenienced. It's about her needing their dad to parent them, and not expect her to parent them. I spent 6 years taking care of my borderline SD, who resented me and raged and baited me into arguments. I shut down and begged my H to do a few things like this, finding her somewhere else to stay when he was unavailable. Once I started trying to set appropriate boundaries in our marriage he decided I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, and found someone else to connect with.
If I can help one more SM and BF understand this boundary is to benefit your marriage and stop the resentment that will follow on both parts if it continues...
I haven't suffered in vain.
yes, i don't babysit my
yes, i don't babysit my husband's kids when he travels for work (which he does 1 week a month) because they are not my kids -- they are his kids. When DH travels, that is my private time to spend enjoying late dinners with my girlfriends, watching movies that DH would hate, and taking long baths with my book. i love my DH, but when he is away i am recharged in my alone time and i would be extremely resentful if he felt that i had an obligation to care for his kids while he was gone.
My boyfriend and his 12 yr
My boyfriend and his 12 yr old son live with me. As he has allowed his son to backtalk me one too many times I have told him I will no longer watch his kid. If he expects me to help him with his kid then he needs to back me and make sure his kids shows me the respect I deserve.
Ha, I totally agree. In
Ha, I totally agree.
In our case, birthmom sends her son to our house with a crazy, hideous homemade bowl haircut compliments of her mother. It is so ugly and horrible that even DH takes action and brings him to a barber to get it fixed. (Trust me, this is saying a lot because DH wears mismatched socks and based on his outfits I believe he is a step away from colorblind.) Birthmom also buys her son weird, very ugly polyester sweaters and hideous sneakers (not cool hideous -- pathetic hideous).
Stepson is 7, so he is still somewhat at a stage where he can rock a crazy bowl hairdo and a vomit green polyester sweater, but those days are numbered.