I was engaged to a wonderful man who has sole custody of his 10 year old son. We connected, immediately fell in love and he asked me to move in with him, we got engaged immediately. We could talk about anything, and never really argued about anything ( but his son). His son initially was excited, but soon he became pretty passive aggressively disrespectful. It was clear his father and I did not agree on rules, structure or actions and consequences. Fast forward 2 years later, we pressed forward and we planned a wedding and I allowed him to convince me that the issue was that I was overly critical of his son, because we did not have any children of our own. I never directly addressed his son, I always expected FI to handle the issue ( he never did), or he and SS would secretly chat, which usually ended in laughter and wrestling...but the behavior never changed.
I have a BS who was 19 and did not live in the home with us. FI convinced me that I had the empty nest syndrome and was substituting my "mothering" instinct on his son, which was not needed. Although his son was ungrateful, mannerless, messy, and would only listen to his Dad... his father felt like I demanded too much of him. They'd lived as bachelors, with loose rules for years and that I'd expected too much too soon. He said if I just disengaged, and allowed him to be the leader that things would be fine. He wanted me to contribute financially, cook, clean, support school and sporting events, but have no say in how his son treated our home. I tried..I failed and needless to say we ended up cancelling a wedding 6wks prior (lost $15K). I moved out of the home only to find out that we were expecting a child. TIMING SUCKED!! So now for the sake of this child we are trying couples counseling to determine if this is worth saving. My struggle is this....I'm actually happier now. I'm at peace, I enjoy coming home and I enjoy us each having our own space. I enjoy not having to deal with his son, or the deadbeat BM. The problem is that I do miss the man he is ( when he's not being "daddy") we are still very much in love but any mention of his son still leaves us figuratively scratching each other eyeballs out. Even living apart our arguments over his son are vicious, nothing has changed.He still wants me to be the silent partner. During our last counseling session we argued so much that our counselor suggested we take a couple weeks of zero contact to determine if this is worth fighting for. So....everything I'm reading says RUN, but with our new Biobaby on the way I'm not sure what to do. Since we have to deal with each other for the next 18 years am I really escaping anything?? Am I getting the better deal hanging in there marrying the man and toughing out stepparenting for the next 6 yrs, or should I run now and just co-parent with our Biobaby,and find someone else to marry.