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stepmom vs B-granma

Sam-LeeBT's picture

Submitted by Sam-LeeBT on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 4:14pm

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Blended Family Issues

I'm just over flowing with questions!!!

How do I politely tell my mother-in law(SD biological gran mother) to stop pampering SD without raising the 'ur not her mother' issue???

My daughter is 6 months and already I'm dreading the conversation when my daughter asks me 'mommy why does my sister get to have cookies for breakfast and I can't???' Just to name one instance!!

PLEASE I have to raise my daughter in her house, I don't know how to cope!!! :?

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 6:01pm

I think the point is she does not want her daughter eating cookies for breakfast... not that grandma would exclude one.

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 5:03pm

my initial reaction... your going to have to wait to say something until that day comes. Right now I hate it I am pregnant and just horrified with how differently my Child will be treated but come to terms that I have to wait until that day comes until then just walk away.

stepmonster_2011's picture

Submitted by stepmonster_2011 on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 6:25pm

Why do you "have to raise your daughter in her house"????

If you don't like how grannie treats the SD, get yourself financially stable and get your own place. Then you won't have to worry about grannie making SD obese by feeding her cookies for breakfast everyday...

?

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 6:28pm

You discuss with DH and then let him handle his mother. Considering you're living at the generosity of the granny I, myself, would not look at gift horse in the face and cop an attitude. There's one very simple solution if DH won't deal with his mother, pack you bags and don't live with the woman. First though you must be certain DH is on the same page as you are that granny is doing something 'wrong'...you should probably tackle this from the angle of proper eating habits and nutrition and in the best interest of the children instead of going at her for 'pampering'.

She can't feed any child cookies for breakfast if no kids are sitting at her table every morning.

Sam-LeeBT's picture

Submitted by Sam-LeeBT on Mon, 10/07/2013 - 3:15am

Wow!!! Thanks for all the advice!!

Firstly I think I'm having a little bit of issues leaving my daughter to go and work!!! She my first child(unplanned as she was) but I'm enjoying every moment!!
My DH is working but not earning enough to move out on our own so eventually I will have to get back on the saddle and go job hunting.

Moving out then raises other issues aswell, for instance; SD Won't be visiting by us!!! Not because MIL has any visitation rights but because SD won't even go to the shop with DH and I without crying for her granny!!!
SD visits every other weekend unfortunately DH works on weekends and only spends a few hours with her in the evenings. We have tried keeping SD for a week when DH could spend more time with her(as during the week he is off every second day) but unfortunately it resulted in my MIL staying off of work that week because she was crying!!!

SD is 3 and she doesn't understand the word NO!!! And to please SD an keep her from getting angry or upset and crying MIL gives what SD wants to keep her quiet!! I have raised this issue with DH and the reasoning that was given to me was that SD has had a hard life and she needs to be happy and loved!!! Good enough I understand that but things that started as treats have turned into habbits there has to be cookies and cola in the house or SD won't be happy!!!

I would love my own home where we can all be one happy family Sad

Patsy's picture

Submitted by Patsy on Mon, 10/07/2013 - 9:39am

Don't drive yourself crazy about this just yet. My MIL was the same way with my SD and when my SD was 4 DH and I had a baby girl. My SD wanted to be with her sister so much that Granny kind of went to the side a bit. Of course granny tried to hold on even more and I think I finally had the whole your not the mother talk when SD was around 12. Since then (my SD is 17 now) my MIL has backed way off. You will have your time in your own place then you will figure things out from there and your SD will be in your house and it will be your rules! Hang in there if you can get the support of your SO it will get better. You have to work twice as hard at gaining your SD's trust. With that being said I feel that no grown women can live together especially with a MIL.