Standards?
I don't have any kids of my own yet, but I think my standards for my own kids will be different than for SD, in both directions. I'm pretty particular (maybe a little neurotic, but I yam what I yam...) so I often voice how I'd like things to be, and SD8 being a child of course is usually the offender. (Honestly though, I've dialed down to like 70% bc I just can't be bothered to be on alert all the time) On the other hand, I wonder if I will be more lenient with my kids.
On the flip side, when it comes to things that don't affect the entire family/household, I'm pretty lax towards SD - you wanna watch 10hrs of TV instead of read? Knock yourself out. I'm pretty sure I'd be harder on my own kids...
i could also go into the whole, I think my kids will be different bc I'm the one the raised them...but who knows...kids are just different. SD can't stop talking, my BFF says her nieces at that age were pretty quiet. SD can barely muster the motivation to do anything on her own, while again those nieces were making us all rainbow loom creations following Youtube tutorials they found themselves. My partner laments that SD doesn't have a passion for reading that we had as kids (but neither of us really know what the expectation is for an 8yo)
what's it like in your households? Same same or different?
There is a difference
Between standards and no standards at all. SD has no standards because she is not being parent by anybody.
You want your bio child to grow up to be a educated good person. That takes hard work and parenting to make that happen. You will be harder on your bio child. And in the end they will be the better person.
Same, who cares if SD13 is
Same, who cares if SD13 is attached to her phone or stays up too late watching smutty teen romance movies. She can be on her phone all she wants but the moment she let's my baby daughter play with her phone I am ON IT.
Someone once had the great advice that you can't care more than the bioparents. If my husband doesn't mind his daughter eating junk food and being lazy then I don't care either.
I saw being a stepmom and witnessing all the mistakes in how SD was parented as a cautionary tale of what not to do with my children. You can bet I take notes about what not to do when I see SD being spoiled.
Normally i subscribe to not
Normally i subscribe to not caring more than the bioparents too, but when SD accidentally knocks over a toddler and doesn't say sorry, and her dad didn't see anything bc he was napping, but sees SD crying bc she's embarrassed and doesn't care what happened and just wants to go home, I said NO - this is not going to be a hit and run!
i'm also more "protective" of my own friends/ family. If SD is being annoying or pushy, I'll say something, but i let her drive her dad's friends/family crazy lol
My 3 & 4.5 yr old have more manners each than my 3 skids
Combined... never have I heard skids say please, thankyou etc
Right?!
I wonder if SD doesn't use please/thank you outside the home either - I would be mortified
My inlaws said right after the divorce my ss wouldn’t
Acknowledge his aunts or uncles or even say hi. If he needed anything he just said “i need blah blah blah”
never said hey aunty or uncle so and so.. when i told my sil ss never acknowledges me and would just start blurting out what he wanted, she said same thing happened to her.
in an average day my daughter always says thankyou at least 20 times for anything you help her with or do for her, if you are sick or fall asleep she kisses you on the face and puts a blanket on you, if you hurt yourself she says “you’re hurt its ok” etc.
i ask myself at times and tell my husband how is it a 4.5 yr old since a year ago could do these things and have this much empathy than your 3 pathetic self centred kids from exwife?? Oh thats right, my 2 kids actually had someone who parents them with basic manners and standards and not do the blame game!!
anytime hubby makes excuses for stepcrap skid behaviours, i remind him what our 2 young kids are capable of and regularly do....
lol yeah, I blame all the bad
lol yeah, I blame all the bad stuff on mom...bc SD is nothing like me and her dad so I can only assume her weird mannerisms and habits come from mom lol
At 8 I was reading novels, so
At 8 I was reading novels, so was my SS. Mine were the chronicles of Narnia. SS's were about some Dragon society.
If reading is not happening, eliminate 100% of screens until he completes a reading list. Don't let him just tick the box, make him explain the daily reading assignment in his words. Of course that means you or DH have to read the books as well. 10 pages of reading for 5mins of screen time. That kid will polish off the entire Encyclopedia Britannica in no time.
I used to ask myself the same thing
I'm lucky my son is very calm and obedient so I was able to raise him very educated, well mannered, and handy around the house but that tool alot of firm boundaries, disciplinne and lots of good comunication with him. My step kids (4) were raised very different than my son so before getting married, my husband and I had to come to an agreement on what raising method worked for all of us as a family and that was also fair for my son. For example, my son has to wash his dish after eating, now my step kids learned and they have to do it as well. My son was not allowed to use bad words etc. but mainly because it bothers me and i dont like it in my household so my husband agreed to ask his kids to try not to use them out of respect and to be honest, they have done a good job. So we just had to come to middle ground and talk about what we allow and don't allow. Now we're about to have a child together and I plan to raise him just like I did with mine and my husband agrees because he says that he wished his kids were raised a bit more different but since he was always working and they were under his mom's (psycho) care, he didn't have much input and made mistakes in raising them. I think you'll find your way and watching how other kids were raised, make you think about what you would like or don't like to do with your own kids.