:? I am a BM of an ADHD 12yr old, and SM of SS8. I have been dating SO for over 2 years and we actually lived together for a year and decided to move out seperately because of the nightmare of kids. SS comes every other weekend.

Things have been going smoothly for nearly a year, the boys still bicker and fight occasionally, but SO and have I greatly improved on becoming a united front, and strenghtening our relationship. It had even gotten to the point that SS8 used to only want to be here with my son and I, always asking when they were coming over etc. The only time there was much issue was when it got time for bed, SS always wanted to go back home. SO did this a few times in the beginning but has since stopped caving in.

Fast forward til now, I have moved into an awesome apt with a pool and other activities, that is about 30 minutes further away from SO than before. SO has actually been spending alot more time here, and we have even discussed maybe moving back in together. The major concern being the SS, because I feel that if SO moved back in, SS would absolutely freak out again. Jealousy, resentment, etc.

This last weekend was a total diseaster. SS regressed to exactly the way he was before. As soon as he got here, he didnt want to be here. Because "they dont get along" FOr the life of me, I dont know where an 8 year would come up with this as an issue but whatever. SS proceeded to make the entire day pure hell. I was angry, my son ended up in his room crying, and SO was stressed out. It got to the point where we were all on edge, and yelling at each other, and the boys were getting increasingly physical. Several points during the day, SS would sulk off by himself, and wait for daddy to pull himself away from whatever he was doing (not even playing with my kid, one time SO was across the pool talking with some adults, not including me)

I lost it. I yelled and asked SO other if he realized what his child has done? That he maniuplated every single one of us, upsetting the entire day, because he didnt get what he wanted? That we were all at our wits end, because he has acted out, because he didnt want to be here. I asked SO other if the kid said he didnt want to be here BEFORE they came over, and he said SS did want to come over, but was worried about "getting in trouble" Now, I have had my suspicions that SO is more strict on SS when they are here, because he has to be, and I wonder if this hasnt led up to this problem in some way.

BM lives with SS, but does not have Custody due to some previous jail time for drugs, and SS also has a half brother (whom BM has never has custody of, and that kid isnt even allowed in her presence) I have also wondered if BM hasnt been stalking around, Facebook etc, and seen pics and heard stuff seeing that we are doing well. And also that SS was here 2 weekends ago, and we all had an absolute blast, no major issues, other than just their bickering etc. I think he went home and maybe mentioned how much fun he had, and BM turned that into negativity, and maybe some hate towards me. In two years, SS has never said he is uncomfortable in my home, and acutally usually asks if "they" can spend the night.

There have been some issues on my sons side, and he is in full preteen, adjusting to move, and been quite territorial lately (shoving SS aside to wash his hands 1st because its "his bathroom"), and my sons BD cancelled visitation on him last weekend an hour before he was supposed to pick him up. He has been angry, and driving me insane to the point that we discussed him getting back into therapy and medication.

There are so many underlying issues, I dont even know where to start. When SO are alone, things are so relaxing, and great. Our relationship is solid aside from the kids, but after a weekend like this, It seriously causes both of us some doubts. I made short mention to my son a week or two ago and asked him how he would feel about SO moving in again, and he just shrugged his shoulders. That is about his typical response to everything I ask him, unless its a resounding whine/yell

I feel like we have made so much progress in the last 2 years, but after this weekend, I feel like we just went full circle back to where we started. The SS was clingy, and would acutally take my seat next to SO when I got up, puked in the pool when SO was playing with my son, WOuldnt engage in the pool unless SO was in the pool. Constantly asking for help, "i cant carry this, I cant open this, Its too heavy, I cant reach this, I dont know how" It was maddening.

Im at a loss, and any advice would be appreciated.