SS sleeping with girlfriend
Wondering the best way to handle the DW allowing her son to lock himself in his room with his girlfriend practically every day until 11:00. DW doesn't allow sleep over but obviously we have different outlooks on appropriateness of that kind of thing for a 17 year old. She buys him condoms as needed, but it grates on me that this goes on in my house. I put my foot down when the sleep overs where happening, but she defends this "hanging out" and lets him do it. I worry like hell he's going to get her pregnant but my pleas have gone on deaf ears and in fact any time I discuss the issue DW and I end up in an argument. All our other kids are away to college or nearly independent adults.
I'm reaching the point where I want to just detach myself from this. Let her deal with her kids and I will deal with mine, kind of how it's been for the past 4 years. Just wondering if any have dealt with similar situations, or if not exactly such a thing, what made it easy to just accept that the BM accepts the responsibility for raising her kid and I should let her make her decisions and just move on. He's got 2 years before college and honestly I know it is going to be a long 2 years. It's crazy because before we were married I really wanted to be a good stepparent and role model, still do in fact. But, because I am not the BD, i just don't feel what i have to say or do matters in the end. So part of me wants to just detach and let her parent her son as she sees fit and lose the emotional baggage I am carrying around over this. Thanks.
I bet the GF's parents are
I bet the GF's parents are really happy your DW allowing this! In my state providing a place for minors to have sex is against the law. IF you know it is going on and allowing it to go on in your home I hope you understand you can be pulled into this as well.
I have two BS and one SS
I have two BS and one SS they all have had girls stay at our house over night. I tell them I have three rules. 1 no drugs period! 2 no drinking and driving! 3 dont be silly and cover your willy! And then I ask the girl if she is on the pill and if necessary I will call her parents and discuss with them about putting her on the pill. Sure wish they had a pill for my boys. (by the way I am realistic and definitely not old school. If kids want to have sex they are going to have it. Maybe not in your house but in someones house, in a car, in the woods ect. They will find a place. Talk with him and her both about the responsibilities of having sex.
So these girls' parents know
So these girls' parents know they are spending the night with your sons? I think that is my only problem with it all. I am a realist and understand it only take 15 minutes wait their teen boys 5 minutes to have sex so it doesn't matter the time of day, but making it so easy for them is just hard for me to swallow. Maybe it's because I have girls. With a boy you only have one penis to worry about with a girl you have all kinds of penises to worry about!
OMG...I have 1 bio son, and 2
OMG...I have 1 bio son, and 2 girls one bio, one step.....you guys are scaring the crap out of me!...lol...oh issues to come I suppose...
They are both age of consent
They are both age of consent in my state, the girl is almost 19 and legally an adult. I wonder how often the "do things my way or pack your bags" tactic works. Wish it was that simple but I'm not feeling like putting my marriage on the line over this presently is a good way to go. keekee, that's a good point and very valid. I'll definitely use that in a discussion. They both use birth control, but that's beside the point. I don't agree with it and my wife allows it. I'm in a situation not unlike a hundred other things in a stepfamily I guess, this being more serious than others for sure. The issues of blending families don't become as apparent until after you say "i do". It's more difficult than I expected to bring 2 families together and understand how to cope with not just different parenting styles, but the fact that her kids are not mine and vice versa. And we took a lot of years to get to marriage and talked a lot about how we'd approach and handle things, but funny thing is, small kids become teens, we got married, moved the families in together and the dynamics changed. Makes my head spin sometimes.
Take your balls back LOL all
Take your balls back LOL all I can think to say is WE ARE SPARTAAAA lol. Sorry I am picturing you in the movie 300.
HA ha oh I just cant get that
HA ha oh I just cant get that picture out of my head! Good luck to you Spartan let the force be with you...wait that's another movie.
" But, because I am not the
" But, because I am not the BD, i just don't feel what i have to say or do matters in the end. So part of me wants to just detach and let her parent her son as she sees fit and lose the emotional baggage I am carrying around over this".
Do it.
This is absurd. I'm 35 years
This is absurd. I'm 35 years old, and my parents STILL have a "no cosleeping" rule in their home (which no longer applies because I'm married, but still...). My 14 and 15 year old son and stepson are not allowed to have a person of romantic interest in their bedroom. If they have friends over, they can visit in the front room. If they have a sleepover, it can't be with someone they are dating. That rule applies even after they are adults. If they want to sleep with someone in my home, they can marry the person, or have a commitment ceremony..whatever applies. But there will be no "laying up." Support your own self to do that.