My husband and I will have been married a year this August. There have been so many issues its hard to list everything here at one time. I have a 8 year old son who has Autism and my husband has a 5 year old daughter. We also have a baby on the way and I am due in July.

There were big adjustment issues when we first all moved in together and it seems to have just gotten worse instead of better.

His daughter was very used to having daddy all to her self and always getting her way about everything. She didn't even sleep in her own bed until I put my foot down and said enough of that. This bad behavior was enforced by not only my husband but his mother as well. My SD BM has been in and out of her life so to make up for that, my husbands mother has been the mom stand in and has filled the hole of SD not seeing her real mom much by buying and giving her whatever she wants. His daughter whines about everything and sometimes throws clear screaming fits if she doesn't get her way. She is constantly after my son instigating fights and yelling and ordering him around. My son gets fed up and just tries to get away form her most of the time. Now my son has his issues too and by no means is perfect but the way I discipline my son is very different then the way my husband disciplines his daughter. My son has now started to have his own anger issues since my husband and I have gotten married and will say mean things like I hate my sister. If my husband is at work and SD is at her moms my son asks me how long it will be before they have to come back.:( There is a huge divide in the house. My husband deals with his daughter and I deal with my son. Bath time , homework, bed time stories etc. is all split. Neither of us can agree on anything when it comes to the kids. My husband tells me all the time to help discipline his daughter and that he wants to be a family but the minute I do he gives me a hard time for being to hard on her and has a million excuses for the way she acts. Here are some examples.. SD will ask for something for breakfast then not want it and ask for something else..I wont make her anything else but my husband will ( "to keep the peace"). Same goes for dinner. I typically cook dinner and she wont have to eat whatever she doesn't like but yet I expect my son to eat his food. It had gotten really bad at one point when she wouldn't eat anything at all and daddy would make her something an hour later that she wanted because she was "so hungry". I finally got through to him on that so at least what she doesn't eat most of the time goes in the microwave until she gets hungry later. She has to always be in control and is so competitive with my son its ridiculous. Its so bad that if my son is sick and has to take medicine she throws a fit that he got to take it and she didn't. She has no respect for my husband and yells and screams and argues about everything with him. She doesn't act that way with me because she knows she wont get away with it but the minute he walks through the door from work the behavior starts. I cant even talk to my husband for 5 minutes when he gets home because she is constantly vying for attention. ( I'm not kidding, its really bad) She doesn't have a set bed time ( anywhere from 8 to 9:30 or later) whereas my sons bedtime is 8pm.

2 months ago visitation was changed from SD mother getting her 2 different days a week ( which wasn't set by court, it was just by agreement but it was causing so many problems with BM not bringing SD back when she was supposed to etc.) to every other weekend with a couple hours after school on Thursdays. It was constant chaos with BM until set visitation was assigned by the court.

Since then it has been unbearable. SD is screaming and throwing fits with husband all the time when she doesn't get her way. She is screaming and throwing fits every morning to not go to school, to not go to bed, to not brush her teeth or take a shower. Our house sounds like a war zone most of the time ( but this is only when my husband is around, she doesn't act like this when he isn't). We have taken her to a counselor and they said the change in visitation might be making it worse and they said she also has adhd which she is now taking medication for, but isn't helping her behavior. Now when she doesn't get her way she has started with manipulating my husband by saying if you don't let me then I don't love you anymore and I will go live with my mom. Majority of what SD does is for attention ( she has to be the center all the time). She doesn't dress herself, most times wont brush her own teeth or put on her own shoes and she has started to talk like a baby saying da da instead of daddy. My husband says he wants my help but he really doesn't. He co parents with his mother and calls her about 20 times a day to discuss his daughter. When it comes to my son and his behaviors my husband wont make any excuses and is easy to fuss and tell me what needs to be done. But not with his daughter. All attention is on her constantly between the whining and the fits she throws that its starting to affect me and my son from all the chaos. My husband says she will grow out of it and it will be "so much better" once the baby is born but I think he is clueless. Wont she be even worse when the baby is born because she will not be able to be the focus of attention 24/7? I like my husbands mother and we get along but anytime I see her she is only interested in talking about my SD. I have a child too that is just as important but I feel is not getting the attention he needs because of this constant mess. It has gotten to the point that I have just shut down with my husband because anything I try to say comes out in either anger or resentment. I'm mad at him all the time because I feel like he is contributing to his daughters problems. When SD goes with her mom every other weekend my husband is depressed and moody until she comes back ( and acting worse then ever) . My son and I are still here and are half of this family but I feel like nothing matters unless he has his daughter. Meanwhile, I'm almost 8 months pregnant work full time and am in school and have a son with Autism. The stress is getting to be too much. My birthday is in 2 weeks and my husband wants to wait and celebrate it the weekend after when his daughter is with her BM, I'm assuming, so to not miss any time with her. He falls asleep in her room most nights trying to get her to sleep ( after she is exhausted from the fit she has thrown)and we don't spend any time together at all, nor does he seem to really want to because of the resentment and anger. I need some direction because I feel like we are headed for divorce and I am out of ideas on what to do and really need some advice.