Sneaky, but it worked!
History: I disengaged from SS14 education this year, because of the turmoil it caused between SS & myself it has caused over the last 6 years.
So, since the school year began, SS14 has come home with a progress report and report card showing he's failing all academic class (OOOH but a 100% in P.E. - insert eyeroll). A phone call & a couple e-mails from multiple teachers regarding SS behavior, lack of participation in class, missing class & homework assignments...all phone calls were redirected to DH to handle, I removed my email and added DH's at open house 
However, the first progress report - was acknowledged by DH. He called himself punishing SS - he took the TV out of SS room...BUT SS was still allowed to sit in the living-room and watch TV every evening & play on the x-box. IMO that's not punishing SS, that's punishing ME! At that time I was still disengaging and just went to my bedroom to relax at night.
However, when DH decided to give SS his TV back, only 4 days after the report card, still failing all academic classes & more comments regarding behavior, I had to do something. So, I decided to speak with the teacher that was having the daily trouble with SS. I explained the situation, me trying to stay disengaged while at the same time knowing this kid needs someone to teach him consequences for his actions. I asked that the teacher communicate via e-mail each and every time he had an issue with SS in the classroom, instead of waiting for the comments section of progress/report cards. I made it clear I didn't want SS or DH to know I was asking for the communication to be increased.
I JUST HAD THE BEST WEEKEND EVERY! After a few e-mails in one week, within the last email letting DH know SS had told the teacher he "wasn't worried about getting in trouble at home", DH came home Friday night and told SS he would be sitting in his bedroom all weekend without his TV. DH actually stuck to it for the entire weekend! Saturday night we paid a baby-sitter to come sit at the house just to make sure SS stayed in his room, while DH & I went out and enjoyed some alone time. Sunday, when SS wandered into the kitchen & just started talking like it was just a normal day...DH said "what do you think you're doing? Go back to your bedroom until you are called for something." I was so impressed with DH for standing by his word! I am pretty impressed with myself as well. By doing it the way I did, SS nor DH have no idea I had anything to do with it. No turmoil between me or either of them & yet there was still some consequences for SS behavior. WHY DIDN'T I DO IT THIS WAY BEFORE!?!?
You may be right, and TBH I
You may be right, and TBH I think you probably are. As a matter of fact, I hope you're right! Simply because in my eyes DH has seemed weak and it was a total turn-off
LMAO! The teacher I
LMAO! The teacher I contacted was another male...I am absolutely certain you are right...that ego thing! I am going to use it to my advantage & contact all the male teachers my SS has and asked that they help in the same way this teacher did.
For years I have communicated with all SS teachers, then relayed information to DH & SS...not realizing SS saw that as me trying to turn DH against him and DH (I am only guessing) felt like I was constantly criticizing his son. When in reality I was only the messenger. The hope when I turned it all over to DH at the beginning of this school year was that DH (especially) & SS would see it wasn't just me harping on SS. SS is a behavior issue at school (and home) & was not doing class/homework. I also wanted to see DH step up & parent this kid that so obviously needs it. He has progressively gotten worse each school year & also at home. The problem to solve now is how to get DH to see that SS is an instigator in our home - between other kids in the home, between BM new family & ours, and between DH & myself at times. SS lives for creating problems/drama, then turning it around and playing the victim. DH will sometimes fall into the habit of believing SS is the victim and therefore everyone else is the enemy. My blended family has never been peaceful, much less easy. Let the mind games begin! I have to find a way to get DH to stay on this path.
I do the same thing, I am
}:) }:) I do the same thing, I am disengaged but believe me I know exactly what Aergia is up to and all her lies, then now and again I let something slip... SO catches it and there's chaos.... Aergia has no clue who's SO's informant, hell not even SO knows who's his informant, he thinks he's a good parent....
I call it playing the game "Tick off a teen"
(No subject)