Reminder to DH
Last week I posted something weighing my options what I would do when DH went to pick up SS12 from a birthday party. The dilemma was SS15 either tagging along with his dad or staying in our house with me.
SS15 was about to take his shower a couple of hours prior to pick up, DH reminded him they had to go pick SS12 up and to wait until they come back. Problem solved right? Nope.....just as quickly as DH said it, he then said go take your shower you can stay home.
I told DH next time please ask me. I explained that maybe I had some place to go. DH's response was SS15 could be left alone. I said not in my house. I said we live here not SS15 and I am not the babysitter and you never ask me anything when it pertains to SS12 and SS15.
DH tried to have an attitude but I think he realized that yes he should have asked. I didn't make him take SS15. In fact, SS15 was quiet as a church mouse while DH was gone. DH even brought back a peace offering.
Now I do realize they are at the age that they don't need a babysitter. However, I get tired of DH acting as if I am invisible. He has made decisions in the past without considering or asking me. I only have myself to blame for not speaking up sooner. I shall see if DH takes heed. With DH he'll take 2 steps forward and 6 steps back.
It did feel good to speak up and I will continue doing so.
I removed my comment. Wrong
I removed my comment. Wrong blog-sorry
While I understand that your
While I understand that your DH shouldn't treat you as a babysitter... ESPECIALLY without asking, I am curious why a 15 yo can't stay home alone for a few hours? Has he done things to prove that he can't be trusted alone for any amount of time?
At that age, many kids are babysitting other kids themselves.
SS15 goes through my things.
SS15 goes through my things. He isn't allowed in our bedroom. Also, things have popped up missing. Unfortunately, he can't be left alone. DH refuses to address it. If he were trustworthy and I had to go out, then I wouldn't have had an issue. And you're right, mist 15 year olds are babysitting other children. That was my hustle in high school.
If that's the case then this
If that's the case then this is another case of "make the hurt larger for pissing you off than not catering to his kids"
Tell him that since he has chosen to do NOTHING regarding his son's snooping and pilfering that HE is responsible for either watching the kid in the home or he gets to take him when he leaves the house... that YOU won't be responsible for his lack of parenting.
I'm really good at the freeze out... with my DH. He knows EXACTLY when he has gone too far. I am sure to communicate my problem then I give him the cold shoulder... let him come to ME.. it made him deal with stuff himself.
I'm not sure why this is an
I'm not sure why this is an issue either.
If it is visitation day with their father and kid is 15, it's not really like SS needs a sitter and you didn't know kid would be around. I could see if it was a non-visit day , of course, you'd want informed they were coming over (to plot your escape if nothing else, LOL), but at 15yrs old, why can't you live kid alone if you want to go out?
Is the trip Dad was making very far and/or take long? Because unless there is a history of SS15 disrespecting you or giving you trouble , I'd probably let the kid sit in his room and pretend he's not there. He's not a small child in need of supervision. Or will he raid your fridge, cupboards and leave your house looking like a hoard of scavengers popped in while no one was there?
I do understand and think you should be advised in comings and goings, but if it's something simple like a twenty minute trip, is it really necessary for Dad to say 'Dani, I'm leaving for 20 minutes , can I leave SS15 here' , or would 'hey, Dani, SS12 and I are off, SS15 is in his room, I'll be right back , if you run out somewhere in meantime just text or leave me a note' do the trick?
I do know there are some members here that can not leave their teens alone in their homes. They might steal or do things that are big no-no's. So I get you may have a very good reason. And if it's something like that I certainly can understand your reasoning. H*ll no kid isn't staying here with Dad here.
Or is it more, Dad makes a routine of dumping kids on you while DH is off doing something Dad would rather do by himself? That would be a big 'no'. No need for kids to be there if Dad has other things to go do.
Yes he has gone through my
Yes he has gone through my things and things have gone missing. He isn't trustworthy.
I totally understand why she
I totally understand why she wouldn't want her SS15 alone in the home. Probably similar reasons as to why I don't want my SS15 or SS19 In my home alone. They have stolen from my BS and DH. They have zero respect for our things. They have made huge messes and left them with no attempt to pick up after themselves. They have allowed friends into my home without my knowledge or permission and even ransacked my BS's bedroom.
No...My DH doesn't even want them at our home without us being present. In fact, when we take our annual vacation, we even lock out the keypad to our garage (the only way the SS's can get in) so they can't come in while we are gone.
That was DH's idea and I was all for it.
SM12 yes things have been
SM12 yes things have been stolen and he does through my things. No respect for anyone's things. It drives me crazy.