Please help! am i horrible if i dont like my stepson, 5?
I dont like him. He is whiny. He is a sissy. He is affraid of everything. He wants everyone to do everything for him, "who's gonna do ___ for me?" He is not very "boyish". He looks at me like a beat puppy. Or like Im an idiot. He wants to lay around and watch tv all the time. He doesnt understand a thing I say when I talk. He tells me Im wrong with everything I say or argues with me. I dont think he likes me either.
I have NEVER not liked a child. I have NEVER not gotten along with a child. I love my husband with all my heart and dont even want him to go to work each day just so we can spend the day with each other. My husband feels the same. I dread when his son gets off the bus each day. I look forward to the times when his "nanoo"/grandma gets him. God please help! I feel sooo HORRIBLE for feeling this way.
But let me be clear that when I talk to him it is always with a smile on my face, even if forced. I take all the patience in the world with him, 95% of the time. I try to believe that God put me in this position for a reason.
I have two older boys, 14 and 13 1/2 from previous marriage. My new husband has him from previous marriage. Then we have a 6 month old daughter together. What do I do??
BTW, what do all these abbreviations stand for that I keep seeing? DD, DS, DH, BM, SS, etc?
Please someone post and tell me that I am not the only one to feel this way!!
You are not horrible. My SS9
You are not horrible. My SS9 is like that as well. He's not a very boisterous boy, doesn't like sport or anything like that. He can't do anything for him self either. I don't entirely blame him becuase he's been treated like a baby his whole life.
You don't have to feel bad because you don't dote on the kid like the bio parents do. It's perfectly normal to get irriated by them.
When people ask me if I like kids I reply that kids are people, some I like and some I don't, regardless of their age.
I actually like my step son a lot, he has a nice personality. On the other hand, his sister totally irriates me. Its just a question of charachter. It's doesn't make you a bad person for not likeing someone.
OMG! I am so with you! I have
OMG! I am so with you! I have a ss10 a bd7 and a bs6. I love my kids to death( and they were almost taken from me when there fatehr decided to drive drunk and wreck the truck with them in it). I have been with my fiance for 3 yrs now. I atually left for 6 months because his son irritated me so much. He lies, he's sneaky, he's whiny, he's manipulative to my two children, he's a pansy, he's lazy, and he's overweight because he lives on junk food at his mothers. He grosses me out. I hate the sight of him. Sometimes I wonder why I came back here. My fiance doesn't see what I see. His kid has issues. Serious issues. I have always gotten along with kids and actually wanted to work with troubled kids! I dislike this child so much that I want to cry. He can do nothing for himself it seems. He is not independent at all unless it's getting in to trouble. He constantly sits there banging his head on the table when he doesn't wanna do his homework, he talks back to me, he lies about me saying how mean I am, etc.... All while his fathers GONE! When his father's home he acts all proper and nice like a goody two shoe. Sometimes I fear for my childrens safety when they are around him because he can get so mean. I literally have to watch them constantly when they play together. SS is going to counseling but he sits there and tells his counselor that hes afraid of the dark instead of talking about real issues. Please tell me what you figure out! I'd like to know if its wrong to dislike someone so much also! More so..a child...
My humble advice is that if
My humble advice is that if the child is being one way with you, and another way when the father is home, then you need to use technology. Videotape him with your phone or even a nanny cam if necessary. If your husband isn't seeing the behavior, it's going to be hard for him to believe you. I have an almost 5yo SS who acts very much the same way, and I'm pregnant and due in April. My SS is whiny, bossy, fusses all the time when you say no, has constant meltdowns, can't do anything for himself, no self confidence, makes up stories, is sneaky, lies, won't ever be quiet... etc. I feel that his is very manipulative towards my partner b/c my partner harbors a lot of guilt about his son having a broken home so he spoils him, babies him, and finds a lot of his abnoxiousness endearing. My partner has a hard time seeing the things his son does as annoying or even desctuctive. For worst cases scenarios like major meltdowns and when my SS has called me viscious names, I have videotaped and showed it to my partner. Sometimes you need back up, and sometimes that back up has to be cold, hard proof! My partner doesn't like it, but it's difficult for him to just brush it off. Also, make sure when you talk to your husband, you do it at a time when he is emotionally ready to hear it, doesn't feel like you're on the attack, and do it in a way so that it soulds like you're trying to be helpful, not hurtful. I'm not always able to get my point across, and I still feel like having this SS is a cross to bear, but with my partner's cooperation and teamwork it's been much better. I worry for the saftey/future emotional well-being of my baby, so I'm trying to establish good lines of communication now. Yes, I put on that fake smile a lot, too, in hopes that the feeling will follow, and most importantly, I try to disengage from the boy when I know I really can't handle it emotionally. Your SS is 10, BD7, BS6... is there any activity for the 10yo that would keep him at school longer, like sports or clubs? This may buy you the time you need to be alone with the younger ones, and limit the time you're alone with your SS until your husband comes home from work.
You are not alone. I feel
You are not alone. I feel the same way about my SS5. It sounds like mine & yours could be twins.
He will be dropped off 2morrow AM at 9, & I DREAD IT WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. I am the free babysitter when he is here - he missed the Kindergarten cut off by 2 weeks - and this will be my 3rd year providing this "service." I am anxious just thinking about the knock on the door........
I am so glad to know I am not
I am so glad to know I am not alone! I feel so guilty because I cant stand ss11 at all. I have never liked him, only tolerated him because I love his dad. I have been with his dad for 7yrs and the older ss11 gets, the more I cant stand him. He has no respect for his father and says & does things to him that I never tolerated with my own biological kids. I would have been put in the ground if I ever said such disrespectful thing to my parents! I bite my tongue just to avoid getting in trouble with the BM or the mother in law. Ss11 is very needy. He is up under his fathers butt the whole time he is at our house. I
feel like I have to compete with him for my husbands attention. We cant even have an adult conversation without having to go into our bedroom & locking the door & still he sits outside the door, trying to listen in !! My husband gets very discouraged with me when I express my feelings, telling me that I knew he had kids when I married him. That may be true, but it seems that ever since we were married, his mother has been dumping him on us more and more. My husband will not tell him No you cant come over this week, so I am miserable every week. I dont think my dislike for him will ever change & eventually everything will blow up & I will be single with 30 cats...sometimes that doesnt sound so bad.
I also am glad to not feel so
I also am glad to not feel so alone, or like I'm a horrible person. I feel your pain, and I know that by signing up for this that it came with certain plusses and minuses. But it doesn't make it easy, and I'm just glad that we have each other and a positive outlet instead of feeling isolated and having to bite my tongue all the time. All i know is that SS just went to preschool, his mom is picking him up today after school and he won't be back for a week. Haleleujah.
I'm new here and glad to see
I'm new here and glad to see I am not alone. My BF & I live together along with my three children 13yo BS, 10yo BS, 7yo BD and his 13 yo son. His 3yo BS is with us every other weekend. My hopes for a peaceful loving blended family went out with window.Both of his sons are hard to love. I especially don't like the little one and feel awful to admit since he is little. The older SS13 is moody, and clingy to his dad. I often feel I have to compete for my BF's attention with these children and BF doesn't set boundaries. It's very frustrating. How do I deal with not liking this little boy? I would never be mean to him to hurt my BF but I too make excuses not to be there when he comes, I'll work the weekends and when I'm home I'll be in my bedroom. The resentment I feel often causes me unhappiness and leads to arguments with my BF. I feel horrible about it but I just wish he wouldn't come over sometimes and the other would go back to live with his mother. I never thought I'd have these feelings. I don't tolerate certain behaviors and I feel that his demanding nature and need to be the center of attention is not addressed, especially if he is not the only child in the family. His older BS13 is very immature, sullen. But when I try to connect with him
he has a barrier up and doesn't get along with my son, which is baffling because they were friends before his Dad and I got together.
Anyway love the posts..thanks for letting me vent.
I hear ya! I don't
I hear ya! I don't understand why I don't like his kids (adults). They just rub me the wrong way. I have a hard time just being nice to SD24 on the few occasions I do see her. Ironically, I think her BF/Babies' Daddy, is the bright light out of the trailer park for her. He's no rocket scientist, and she seems to have him swindled just like she does everyone else, but he seems decent enough. SS26 is just a bi-polar pain in my ass. We had a pretty decent relationship, but I just can't handle some of his activities and will not condone them. Rather than maturing and growing up, he seems to be reversing. Therefore, I am the evil bitch who doesn't think everything he does is wonderful! Whatever....
I look at it this way, not everyone likes liver. Not everyone likes everyone. DH's need to hear it and get used to it.
My SS16 is actually making me
My SS16 is actually making me sick.
So good to see others who
So good to see others who feel the same way! I can't even stand to look at my sd13. My dh and I are very close and very much in love. We have a great relationship. Except for her. She goes to bm's apartment every weekend from Fri night to Sun night. I DREAD Sun night. DH even admits that sd is a pain in the butt. I just need to work through or get over these feelings because I feel like it is starting to effect our relationship. I can talk to him about anything. But not her. So I have been keeping it all bottled up. So helpful to be able to vent.
Don't feel bad, I love my
Don't feel bad, I love my husband more than anything but can't stand being around the 3 yr-old who absolutely drains me and who Daddy bends over backwards for. I KNOW she's only 3 - I KNOW this whole situation is not her fault - really, I love kids but I dread those weekends like you wouldn't believe. Why should I be forced to cook eggs for dinner because that's what she says she wants? And then doesn't eat them anyway? I always wear a smile but inside it's killing me. Really sucks that I have to be soooo accomodating with a child that's not mine. Grrr.....