Maybe she'll adopt me and leave your daughter alone! Seriously, sounds like she's one of those people who are super-concerned about appearances and is trying to score points with both dad and daughter and probably anyone else who cares enough to take notice. I guess it could be worse. She could be acting hateful towards your daughter. I know it's hard. We all wish we could give our kids everything, but you know what? I think the best thing we can give them is a good head on their shoulders. Hang in there! And next time they go shopping, have your daughter pick up something in your size.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

You need to discuss with your ex-husband about what is appropriate and what is not. This is spoiling, these things are not necessities... and while it's nice for your daughter to have nice things, it's not fair to you or your relationship to your daughter. It's a commonly stated thing, that divorced parents should not compete with each other and should provide for their children in a balanced way. This woman is not a committed family member, if she and your ex happen to break up it's going to be a devastating thing for your daughter to adjust to not getting all of these material things anymore. It's just not right, it's too much.
Personally, I think big parties should be thrown by both parents. Or maybe you can at least take interest in some way, to make this a special day for you and your daughter too... help her with planning some things or inviting friends. Make yourself significant on this day, even if you can't throw the big party. And definitely talk to your ex about balancing the gifts out.

Louman....I'm confused....
It it YOUR husband who is still married to you whos dating some wealthy lady...(and yes, that would bother me...) or is it your EX husband who is no longer your husband but also not married to her. (Did that make sense?)