First of all, I am SO happy to have stumbled upon this forum!!!! For years I have felt totally alone and isolated with my issues and feelings about being a SM. I am relieved to hear that I am not alone! After spending the last hour or so reading a variety of posts, I finally have a name for what I've been trying to do over the past year or so - DISENGAGE!!! However, I've been feeling very guilty about doing it and I certainly have never discussed it with DH (although he has sort of picked up on it somehow through osmosis or something - LOL).

I am 43 years old and have been with my DH for 14 years, married for 11 of those. I have 3 SDs ages 22, 21, and 17 and one BS age 6. All but the 22 yo live in our home full time (BM is not in the picture - long, sordid story that I'm sure explains at least some of the difficult behavior that my SDs exhibit). I have absolutely no more patience and energy to spend on the two SDs who still live at home with us (21 and 17) - none. Zip. Zilch. Zero. I have tried SO HARD for years, and years, and years to make a positive difference in these girls' lives and to be there for them when their BM was not. My oldest SD is wonderful and is out on her own, living a productive life and is a wonderful part of our family. The middle SD is working full time and has been very responsible in terms of working over the past year or so, but is so shallow and has her generation's sense of entitlement - she never helps around the house, pays no rent, doesn't help with any of the household bills, yet is greatly put-out when we ask her to take care of the dog for 3 days when we go out of town to visit family. (REALLY???!!!!! Ugh.) The 17 year old SD...this is the one that has driven me to the point of disengagement. She lies constantly, breaks our rules on a regular basis, and no consequence that we have tried yet seems to make any difference. She puts in NO effort in school and will be lucky to graduate next year. My DH spends HOURS on a daily basis helping her study math and vocabulary and study skills. She just goes along with him to his face and then doesn't do a goddamned thing when he's not right there with her. I have repeated the same requests and household rules to both her and the 21 yo almost daily for 8 years AND I STILL HAVE TO REPEAT THE SAME THINGS MULTIPLE TIMES PER WEEK!!! I spend the vast majority of time in my house feeling like I want to kill both of them - not great for my stress level. Plus, they are mean to our BS and we can't trust them alone with him.

I am done. Just. Done. I tried. I really did. Now I just want to take care of my DS, enjoy my husband, and not feel awkward and/or uncomfortable in my own house. I want to be able to buy nice dishes, silverware, pots and pans, and towels without my SDs ruining them. Is that too much to ask? I really don't think so. Every single day I wish my SDs were gone. I fantasize about that day and then I feel really guilty about it.

Thank you all for giving me a place to finally be honest about my feelings. Even just typing this out here has made me feel a bit better. WHEW!!