New and need advice
Hi, my husband and I have a blended family. He has a kid who lives with us 50% of the time and I have twin boys who live with us full time. Mine are 9 and his is 11.
I could write a lengthy story but I'm going to try to keep it short. His kid has autism and can be very verbally and physically violent. I have watched all the kids in the past while my husband worked because his ex wife refuses to watch their son if it's not her custody week.
I feel that I can no longer watch his son anymore. I have tried very hard in the past to be supportive from researching ways to help, to attending therapy appointments, doctors appointments, etc.
All I have gotten in return is more violence from this child and I am done. By violence I mean he spits, bites, hits, screams that he hates me (all of us), wants to kills us, etc.
I understand he has special needs. I understand that it's hard. I understand that it's not his fault.
My husband is a great guy and a great father, but I can't do this anymore!
I have a part time job and want to enjoy more quality time with my own sons in peace.
Now that I have been clear with my husband about no longer watching his son, his only option is likely to give more custody to his ex wife and have his son every other weekend because he's uniquely to find a nanny or anyone that's going to put up with his son in the long term.
So.. After all I've done and put up with, now my husband is mad at me and just told me how he has no supports, "not even me".
He loves his son and can't stand the though of having him less than 50% of the time.
Anyway, I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore.
I can tell my decision not to watch him anymore is creating a lot of stress for my husband, and I wonder how this is going to affect our marriage in the long term, however, I truly feel at the end of my rope with his son and do not want to watch him while my husband is at work. I don't want to be the target of this kid's aggression. Is that so unreasonable?
Please don't suggest therapy for my step son. We have tried them all! Up to 5 times per week for the last 3 years. Nothing helped.
Thoughts?
Feeling sick about this.
-B
My heart goes out to you, I
My heart goes out to you, I wish there was something I could suggest for you. Is it possible for you to have somebody give you a break once or twice a week so you can at the very least have some down time. It's very unfair for you to have to be saddled with the entire responsibility. In the long run I fear this will take it's toll on you emotionally, physically and other wise in the end causing you to harbor resentment against your husband and this child. I would research autistic agencies, support groups, anything related to this issue and possibly there is some kind of help available for people like you who are left dealing with this constant care giving. You also do deserve a break so you can do self maintenance on yourself. Your husband needs to get over himself, in my opinion and take a look at what is also best for you, not just his decision, your not being unreasonable, your desperate and need consideration. Good luck to you & Blessings <3