New to This
This is my first post here and I am just looking for some advice from others. I have a daughter of my own and my fiance has a daughter of his own as well. I have no problem with my SD when we are by ourselves but when my fiance comes around she becomes this obnoxious little girl that competes for his attention with me and my daughter. She is only 6 but the way she manipulates him is beyond any 6 year old I have ever met. She literally has him wrapped around her finger to the point where I think she knows it. If me and him are having a conversation she will just jump in and start talking to him and he will stop what he is doing and talk to her. I have told him we need to correct this behavior because it is rude, she needs to say excuse me when we are talking and wait her turn. He told her once but it never stuck and she still does it constantly. If we are having a conversation in a room she barges in and just has to show him something, I will tell her to knock when she enters and she will look at her dad and say do I have to? At times she doesn't even interupt our convo but she knows that she has him hooked so she will start to talk louder and louder about random things until he looks up and starts talking to her about things. She will look at me and smile and then keep talking to him, I be wanting to smack her. (I hope this is a safe place, I have never lifted a finger to that little girl, this is just an intrusive thought in my head)
The crazy thing is I like her, when its just me and the girls we get a long great, she is very funny and sweet, but when he comes around its like instant competition and she has to get more hugs than me and my daughter, she has to ask more questions and cut people off to talk to her dad, she has to let it be known that "thats my dad". If my daughter says anything about me she has to say something that her mom doing something better. She will move my daughter over if she is sitting next to him so she can sit next to him (not in a rude way, she will say excuse me but then take her spot, he would laugh and I will glare). I try to understand it so much but it just gets on my last nerves. If my daughter says she got an A on her report card then my SD has to say she has 5 As and 5 stars and isn't that good daddy? At times I feel like I am being too harsh, I tell myself she is just a kid and she isn't use to sharing her dad with anybody, but I still feel annoyed. I had to pray over myself several times before she came down for the summer. I really just want to be a great Stepmom to her but I get so annoyed with her and how he babies her. My daughter is 9 so she doesn't think too much into this, she is at the phase where she can be under me or be in her room playing by herself. She came to me once when she her always saying "my dad" was annoying her but other than that she doesn't seem bothered. I think I am the only one bothered here. It's plenty of scenarios that come to mind that make me be annoyed with her and him but these are the ones that happen on a daily.
You see your future
Remember your SO is on his best behavior now, showing you what a great person he is. But he showing you he's a Disneeey dad. Not parenting his DD. Its only going to get worst from here. If this bothers you enough that you are on these boards, it's not going to be good
Take some time and read this boards. See how formular SO is to others SO. How years of being together, doesn't change anything. How unhappy people are with Disneeey dads
Thank you
Thank you, I read so many forums and so many similar situations to mines. I do indeed see that I have a Disney Dad on my hands. Thanks for your input.
Classic
Harry is right, read around on here. You have a classic budding mini-wife.
If your fiance doesn't shut
If your fiance doesn't shut down his daughter's rude behavior now, he never will. He will always have an excuse (she's little, she's a teenager) or try to make you feel like you're the crazy one (she didn't really do that, she didn't mean it, you're just jealous of a CHILD).
My SD (now 40something) is still super competitive with my DD (30something). Your situation won't change unless your fiance turns into an actual parent.
Mini Wife......
in the making. Research THAT topic along with Disneyland dad. Then think about your future as the MW learns more tactics and manipulation. And don't think 18 is the magic age when all your problems go away. If your SO does not stop his poor behavior and begin parenting his SIX YEAR OLD CHILD, I'd strongly suggest you re-consider this relationship. Just research those two topics on this board.
There is a MW in my life. She's nearing 40 years old. She doesn't impact me anymore because I refuse to be around her. 5+ years now.
Thank you
I have read many forums today and I do see that I have an upcoming mini wife on my hands. I also see Disney Dad in my SO. The promises he makes when she comes into town is ridiculous to me and half the time we don't even do all those plans. I tell him all the time to stop making promises that we don't know if we can keep in the future, it makes it hard on us when we have to say oh we aren't doing that today.
I have never heard of the term mini wife but that fits her perfectly or at least what she is about to come. I will be reading up on more topics about this. Thank you.
You've come to the right place
You'll learn a lot. I wish I'd had this when my SD61 was a budding mini-wife who bloomed into a full-blown one. Lol.
Keep your money separate,
Keep your money separate, make him suffer from his ways and choices to indulge her. When he is broke, don't bail him out. When he complains how she treats him just give him a blank stare. He might eventually get tired of it and nip it in the bud. Or it will be a lifestyle.
Have a deadline for yourself so you spend years trying to change it.
Couple of suggestions
There's no reason why you can't correct her when she buts in on your conversations. "Please wait your turn, SD, the grown ups are talking."
Also, put a lock on your bedroom door if you don't already have one - if she doesn't already barge into your room, it's only a matter of time before she does.
PS
Maybe also remind her to use her "indoor voice" when she starts to speak too loudly.
And remember we all learn this
The hard way. We all fell into the trap. Unfortunately it was before the internet, and really did not have any information about SLife. SP are guilty, that there marriage is shit believing every other SP was doing it right.
My DW was the first to inform me, that other SF. Did more, were better than I was ect
Just remind him EVERY single
Just remind him EVERY single time to correct her until he gets the point.
The little girl is insecure and feels the need to go above and beyond with the petty competition but if your husband shows her affection, attention, and displines her when appropriate then this behavior will stop.
That the problem
Disneeey dads don't change. Don't actually correct there DD. That they make all those promises,, They know they are not keeping those promises,, It's just blowing you off. To carm you down. If they were going to parent there kid, they would be doing it now. he has time to do it now, is he . . Not somehow in the future