You have a GF who may be a mother of four (four more instant kids? WTH were you thinking!?!) but she has a long way to go in learning to trust and when to let you do your c-parenting thing. Being a parent in a divorce means you still must co=parent to some extent and absolutely must communicate with the mother of your child.

Nope, your GF isn't going to like that , but GF needs to back off forcing herself in BM's face. Bottomline, your GF is feeling possessive, jealous and insecure. But by insisting she be front and center with her nose in everything (physically present and involved) is just tossing more logs on your ex's fire. Rightly so. Your ex didn't have a child with your GF. Ex had a child with you and it's you ex has a right to expect to parent with. Not your GF.

You don't have to verbally do much speaking with ex. Communication exchanges can be done by email (email also documents for you). Because your daughter is so young, she really can't run out and jump in the waiting car. No, you will have to get out and ex will have to come out to meet you. No going inside of ex's house, it's not necessary. If it's easier for your GF to cope with, you could agree with ex to meet in a public place to do drop-off and pick-ups.

But let me tell you, these two woman will never be friends. They will never like each other being in your life. Gf won't like that you have this other woman you must deal with and ex won't like someone other woman is helping you with her daughter.

Man, let this one go.

Your ex is being an ass, but your GF is also. With 4 damn kids of her own to worry about, how does she find the time to engage in a pissing contest with your ex?

I wouldn't say Don't date yet. Definitely keep putting your child first. Continue dating, but put living with someone on the back burner for a bit.

When my son was growing up, living with someone was not an option. I knew how I wanted to raise my son.

I dated but that was it. I was not willing to allow anyone to enter our circle that would try to guilt/pressure me into changing the dynamics of my home. Or how son's dad and I did things (we didn't have a visitation schedule in place).

As someone married to a man with a high conflict ex who plays games and has not moved on from their relationship (even though they divorced five years ago and even though she was already remarried when I met my husband), I would offer this piece of advice, you need to learn how to set boundaries with your ex around your personal life before you can have a successful relationship. No woman, no matter how selfless and how mature she is, wants another woman dictated what goes on in her home, what goes on in her life, and when and where she can accompany her SO on things.

You've admitted that your ex still has feelings for you, so it's important that you figure out, now, how to exist as a co-parent with her, but nothing more. There are many people who stay "psychologically married" long after their divorces are finalized (or "psychologically together" after their relationships have ended) and staying psychologically married prevents both parties from having a functional adult relationship with anyone else.

Perhaps, now, instead of being in a relationship, you should focus on formalizing your rights to your daughter and setting boundaries with your ex around your personal life. You will have problems with any future woman in your life if you do not create personal space in your life that your ex is not a part of. This can be a tricky balance with co-parenting, but you'll have to find that balance if you want to have any future romantic relationships.

Your girlfriend isn’t being petty by getting upset... it may be your thick-headedness is likely what drove your girlfriend to no longer want to play mommy to your daughter...and I don’t blame her. I’m going to try to make this brief because it’s been a couple days and you haven’t replied to anyone else’s messages.

Here’s the skinny:
If your girlfriend had to pick up important documents from a man’s house – a coworker, boss, clergyman, ex-boyfriend, family friend, etc. - and that man “plays games”, “has feelings for her” AND told her that YOU are not allowed in the car when she comes by, would you be okay with that???

Your girlfriend is trying to demonstrate her position in your life by wanting to be front and center. She probably didn’t need to do that before as you claim that you had a smooth relationship in the beginning, but you have obviously let your ex overstep her boundaries too much and now your girlfriend is RESPONDING to YOUR insecurity.

Insecurity is – a lack of confidence or the state of being open to threat.

You have left your relationship open to threat because as you admitted, you have not gotten your court-ordered visitation set up (which you should have done before you brought someone else into your mess!) and your ex uses the child “as leverage” --- translation: you become a pushover, bow to your ex, and expect your girlfriend to acquiesce as well.

No self-respecting woman wants to be with a man who acts like a b*tch. And how dare you say that your current girlfriend is making you choose between her and your daughter. That simply is not the case. She is begging you to stand up and be a man! If you have to miss a few visits with your daughter until you get your ex in line/get a court order, effing do it! It’s called losing the battle to win the war. Your relationship with your daughter will not suffer if you don’t see her for a few months – she’s TWO! How many memories do you have of people going in and out of your life when you were two?

However, you will cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your girlfriend and her relationship with your daughter if you continue down this path of dismissing her feelings in favor of catering to your ex’s “feelings” and giving your girlfriend the lame ass, weak ass, inexcusable excuse “it’s for my daughter.”

My ex-SO refused to break up with me (which was his ex/baby mama’s demand) while he didn’t have a court-order to see his kids and she was “leveraging” the kids to keep wielding power over him. When he didn’t break up with me, she threw a tantrum and moved the kids 14 hours away! For nearly 8 months, he didn’t see his children… did it hurt him? Sure, it did. But when the kids returned, nothing was different in their relationship with their dad. And you better believe that he immediately began working on getting a court-order to remove some of the power the ex had.

I say that to say, you’ll always be dad. My ex-SO is an ex because he handled too many situations with his ex, his daughters and me haphazardly, and I eventually walked away... which kills him to this day because he realizes all of his mistakes now after the fact. Handle your sh!t with your ex before you drag your woman into your crappy situation and expect her to care more about a child she has no relation to than her own self-esteem!

You are dead wrong in this situation. Stop blaming your girlfriend for your failures, and good luck.

Without knowing all the details of your relationship I have to say that this may have nothing to do with insecurity. I doesn't take jealousy to not want some vindictive troll of any gender to dictate what you can and cannot do in your own life. It's unlikely any GF you find would want to put up with the sh!t your BM is dishing out. If you are the father, it shouldn't take much time or money to get a visitation schedule. Take care of it. Until then, don't let the BM yank your chain. If your GF came here looking for advice, I would tell her to leave you, because you don't seem to have any empathy for the BS chaos and turmoil your BM is no doubt injecting into her life.