I'm a new member - very glad I found this forum.

Long story as short as possible - I've been living with my boyfriend for 7 years, he refuses to get married again. I have two sons from a previous relationship and two sons with him. I've never been married. He has been married once (no kids thank God) and a child in our area with a woman he was never officially together with. My sons are 11, 9, 4, and 2. His daughter is 9. I've been helping to raise her since she was 2 - she can't remember a time before I was in the picture.

My problem? Birth mom is a pyschotic freak. I could have called child protective services on her in the past. Things are a little better now, and I have vowed to call them if anything happens in the future. She is neglected at home - bm has admitted to leaving her alone with her other 2-year-old child in the past. She has made repeated promises, like enrolling her in gymnastics, which she's NEVER carried through on. She has no interest in this girl. She thinks that buying her massive amounts of name-brand clothes amounts to being a parent. The birth mom and I are different races, and she talks bad about me at home (primarily because I think she's jealous that I take her daughter to swimming lessons, church, and plays and other such activities like a normal parent should). We have the girl every weekend - my BF has legal joint custody.

Other factors: I am the only one providing this girl with medical/dental/vision insurance though my work's domestic partner clause. Does this give me any rights? It is at GREAT cost to me. BM is on welfare, and also has a part-time job.

One of my main problem right now is that bm freaks whenever I do anything. I took my step-daughter to the dentist (for the first time in her life) this week over spring break. My step-daughter was so proud she had no cavities, only to go home to bm screaming "how dare you take my child to the dentist". Hello - she's never been to the dentist - someone's got to do it!?! BM came back with she "had been planning to do it". Yeah right.

Also, bm is threatening to move out of state - clear across the country...without notifying the courts. She plans to move in May, and my boyfriend won't hire a lawyer. He is very non-confrontational and sticks his head in the sand. He believes that there's no way he could win full custody, even though BM lives in the inner city and we live in a nice subdivision in the suburbs. I fear for what will happen to this girl when she moves. The mother doesn't even bring her to school half the time. I would give anything to get my step daughter out of this situation! I feel so bad for her. I get her as much as BM will let me. I do all the picking up and dropping off, as my boyfriend works second shift.

Any advice? There's so much more to the story....the people that they're going to live with out of state are known drug users/dealers. I have no way to prove this.

Please - if someone knows what I can do, let me know. I don't have $2000 to hire a lawyer.