My point of happiness
Well I just thought I'd share a few things that I started doing that has made my life 100% better!
1) I'm not involved with his children at all. They visit their father not me.
2) moms house, moms rules, not my business or my problem.
3) I'm not their mom, they have one, I'm their fathers wife
4) they don't have to eat what I cook, that job is left up to their dad, he can fed them
5) BM is directed to talk with him. They can figure it out. Not my problem
6) he has Christmas with his children to himself. He shops, he figures it out, and they can be happy or not.
7) my son is usually with his father when his kids visit or at a friends house
when they are fighting or crying, I direct them to their father
I have realized that I can't fix, solve problems, or make things better. I just use their visits as my time
Well there is that. Those
Well there is that. Those kids would be in a total culture shock. It would be worse bc they have no discipline, direction, or adult supervision. Only 11 yr old that I've ever known to have a 10 pm curfew and BM has no idea where he is. BM, BM bf, and my husband are all deaf. They can't hear the crap that comes out of these kids mouth. I would tell their dad but it was I misunderstood them. I've had 3 years of hell up until I decided I can't fix it without both of them on board.
A billion kids will grow up
A billion kids will grow up without your help and turn out just fine. Now there is one more. Congratulations.
And if he doesn't turn out just fine you'll not get the blame.
Very good point thank you! I
Very good point thank you! I had to back out to keep my sanity.
Good for you, I've recently
Good for you, I've recently done the same. I've realized that I can't be in those situations anymore because his 9yr old BD is in total control and wants me out. I fought it for 2 years, now I'm out when he has her. No Christmas, no holidays together nothing because she does not want my kids and me around and throws temper tantrums and he and I just fight.
The difference is we are not married, and now he spends 4 days a week with her and then some, I'm down to 2 date nights and maybe a dinner a third night. I realize it was my choice to back out of their time, but now I feel as if I'm being completely pushed out. He still thinks he doesn't see her enough, while I wait for a hopeful night together.
He wants to do more, but never sees the pain that I suffer as a 3rd wheel with them, she's rude and insulting and sulks with extreme drama. She is entertained the entire time they are together and when she says its time to leave they go.
I realize we are nearing the end of a relationship, but I do want it to work. Are you afraid that you will be squeezed out as well?
I wish I could do this...tbh
I wish I could do this...tbh I've thought about switching my Bio kids weekends withbthier dad just to have them not together but the demon child still comes 3 nights a week as well. Sigh...if I only knew what he was like and a nut case bm is...I would have ran.....
You can make changes Katie8
You can make changes Katie8 that will make everything better, stay strong and listen to Latisem.
I've made the changes, with incredible guilt, BUT it gets easier because you remove yourself from any and all situations that would normally leave you feeling worse and resentful toward him and the sd/s.
Make yourself unavailable during those visits, and make him accountable for his kid at all costs. You are not their live in babysitter. Use the time that his kid is around to be alone with your kids, and yes by all means even switch the times so you can have that time alone
He won't like it, but by removing yourself from it all, makes your life much easier.
Hi again
Hi again workingbarbie!
Another post that mirrors exactly how I feel.
I can deal with the "date nights" which I only got after a literally spelt it out to him that otherwise it would be over between us...
To be fair to my dp, he has started to make changes and stand up to sd (15). He has enrolled in a parenting class for teenagers and invited me to go with him, which seems pretty stupid since I don't even see sd, but I think he is despareate for things to change and feels he can't do it alone.
Do you know the worst part though, the thing that makes me want to jump up and slap his face is when he rings up "guess what ca7439, sd has a friend over, so I can come up and see you"... this translates to "sd has a friend over, so she will be spending time with friend and I am free for an hour to spend time with you"
Wtf is this, can he not see how disgusting this is? How does he expect me to feel about that? I had a major melt down about this behaviour, and told him straight that this made me feel like second best. He has since made more effort, but yet again today he says the same thing. While I am happy to see him, it leaves a bitter taste on my mouth that I am only allowed the crumbs from his table. Sd even says it herself "you can go see ca7439 now dad, my friend is here"
Give me strength!