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Peaceful's picture

Submitted by Peaceful on Mon, 10/01/2012 - 11:01pm

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Blended Family Issues

I am emotionally exhausted and I'm not sure the hard part has even started. I've been married just over 2 years. DH has a 12 year old son that he really didn't have a relatiinship with until we started dating 3 years ago. Now BM wants the preteen to come live with us bc she feels that he needs a good male role model. She has 2 other young kids and I think she just wants a break. I don't feel like I can say no but I'm screaming on the inside. I have no children and am enjoying my newlywed, spontaneous lifestyle of travel and leisure which I know will change with a preteen around. What do I do? I've known me all my life and i k
:O now that this is going to be a problem for me.

Carmen225's picture

Submitted by Carmen225 on Tue, 10/02/2012 - 8:59am

Only DH would have to give up those things. I would contiune on doing what I want, when I want. Sorry DH you have to tend to your responsibility. I would propably tell DH, I don't have a kid, you do. So it would totally be DH responsibility. Besides 12 year olds are self sufficient and shouldn't need babysitting.

Carmen225's picture

Submitted by Carmen225 on Tue, 10/02/2012 - 9:01am

OMG! I feel your pain. Sad I would die. My fiance has two boys 12 and 14 and if either had to come live with us for any other reason besides death of the BM. I would tell him that was not a part of our arrangement. HELL NO!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 10/02/2012 - 8:44am

I was going to write pretty much what echo said.

Why was this major issue not discussed before getting married? I always knew it could happen. So I waited 8 ish years until SS was older and moved hours away, then married my DH. And less than a year later BM brings the kid to live with “daddy”.

I was heartbroken! But I knew it could happen, so could not really say anything. I just accepted it, because it is DH’s son after all. Good luck and disengage before the boy even gets there!!

duna's picture

Submitted by duna on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 8:08pm

Hi,

Sorry, there is not so much you can do in this situation. I will suggest that you firmly say NO to this. I understand everyone here telling you to be supportive and that the child is his responsability, that is simply true, but the truth of the matter is that you will get into this TOO, althought you don't want to. He will need so much things from you in order to help him... One day you will wake up and realize that you are doing the things he is supposed to do. Period. And then, when you feel exhausted and sad, frustraded... Nobody will move a finger for you, the son will not be grateful to you and your husband will not think about the child moving out for your serenity.

If you feel strong enough to stand up and say this words "THIS WAS NOT THE SITUATION WHEN WE MARRIED. THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN" say it LOUUUUUUUUD. It happened to me, we moved in together... and two months after the bio mom sent us the child to live with us and it is just the worst thing I could do. I said "Come on, do it, I support you..." and know that I'm not confortable with the situation, he just tells me to move out if I cannot stand this. It is just the end of your rights. Don't allow this to happen to you.