Monday night, and the resulting conversation.
I feel better.
So, without hijacking anyone's thread today (sorry about that!), Here's a quick rundown of what's been going on in my life:
- Dating someone with 4 kids. we'll use the SD and SS nomenclature for now.
- Skids are SS10 SS6 and twin SD4s.
- Skids dont give a crap about boundaries for anyone, regardless of punishment.
- SO does try and discipline them, they still don't listen, think its a game.
- SS6 is the worst. Constant attention seeking, yelling, screaming, hitting SO and other skids.
- All 4 have no regard for my property.
- We did Monday dinners to try and help move towards blending. I was already warned once about the noise. (I live in an upstairs apartment)
So this past Monday, they were at it again. More and more I felt like a stranger in my own house. Im sitting IN THE CORNER OF MY OWN LIVING ROOM while everyone else eats and screams and rolls around, etc. I started speaking up, but again, they just don't listen.
So yesterday I was warned again by my complex. Three strikes and Im out. Needless to say, I was livid. Still, I approached SO last night about it. Told her that until she can get her kids under control, we are not doing the Monday nights, and they are not allowed over here. She gave me the usual excuses - she can't stop them from screaming, they're just kids, that's what they do, etc. I told her that's fine if she wants to feel that way, but it WILL affect our relationship, it WILL cause issues for them down the road, and it WILL create learned behaviors that WILL only get worse over time. Not to mention that it will also cause undue stress on her, and if she's not able to take care of them, does she really want BD to do so?
She cried for a good hour. I was attentive, but not forgiving. I meant what I said. I slept well.
She sees her own therapist today. I really hope she gets her shit straight.
Yes - haha! I picked up SD10
Yes - haha!
I picked up SD10 from her friends house recently and arrived at the same time another parent was there to pick up his kid (visiting the friends son).
I was getting ready to leave (all told about 10 min or so there) with SD10 and the other dad looked at me and SD10 and asked, "How did you do that so fast, you are all ready to go!"
I just said, "She knows I mean it."
Buh-bye.
Thank you for that. I needed
Thank you for that. I needed to hear that I was on the right track. And you're right, they are out of control. She is currently homeschooling them, so there's no other interaction with other children for them to model behavior off of. And she is torn between harsh discipline and letting them learn on their own because she was berated so long by others in her life for her parenting styles and choices, that I dont think she even knows what to do any more. But shes gonna have to figure it out. Or im out.
why in the world are you
why in the world are you dating her? Go find someone without young kids.
Im 35, one son of my own,
Im 35, one son of my own, work full time, and women without children in this city who are actually attractive, intelligent, and not caught up in menial/superficial bullshit are rarer than a two headed unicorn?
When I got divorced, I had a
When I got divorced, I had a 7 year old girl and twin 4 year old boys.
I would NEVER have allowed them to behave like feral monkeys.
I don't think this is the right relationship for you. Love is not enough when it comes to step families.
Lastcall - good for you for
Lastcall - good for you for sticking to it.
No way in the world should you risk your living situation to out of control kids.
I had an apartment and when SDs visited back when DH and I were dating I was very strict on the loud factor, esp. after 5:00 pm. They knew the rules and understood at least. I would have had zero issue with kicking them out or banning them from the place just as you did.
You are correct that it will get worse over time.
Be careful with this thinking: "Not to mention that it will also cause undue stress on her, and if she's not able to take care of them, does she really want BD to do so?"
It's not causing undue stress - she should be fully facing the correct level of stress to get her to understand what she's created. Don't get too soft on her because she's tired. DH tries pulling that on me to this day and I will not cater to it unless it's legit (like he's been working for 12 hours and had to also run errands) - i.e. NOT involving bad skid behavior.
I think that's what you mean, but don't fall into the feeling bad trap.
Fair point. And one I did not
Fair point. And one I did not take into consideration. Thanks!
She is the one creating the
She is the one creating the undue stress by not parenting her herd.
She can fix it - it will take work and an iron clad will to tame them, but she can do it.
Sounds like she will make excuses for them, though, and that's not good
That's on her. I just
That's on her. I just received a text asking me if her breakdown last night hurt us. I simply told her its too soon to tell, and that even though she responded with her saying it seems like I'm sick of it already, that I'm merely leaving it in her hands. This is her decision. And at this point, I'm willing to walk away if she does not want to hold up her end of this relationship. I deserve better than that.
So if she homeschools, does
So if she homeschools, does that mean she does not work? That would be another reason to move on (as fast as you can). I would prefer the kitty, peace and quiet, and not having to support a brood over this relationship. And by the way, 35 is not old. There are plenty of women for you.
So she's good looking, a crap
So she's good looking, a crap parent, and unemployed... Sounds like a winner. She must be good in bed or something. Why else would someone sign up for this kind of crazy? Ick.
O/T but this is all I could
O/T but this is all I could think of when I read this:
http://money.cnn.com/2016/10/14/media/donald-trump-on-lindsay-lohan/inde...
LOL!!
Happened last night.
Happened last night.
All I can say - tell your GF
All I can say - tell your GF to find alternative accommodation till she can handle the kids.
Then you go and visit her.... your property stays nice, you are not in trouble in your complex and if the brats get to much you can leave for your own place.....
What I'm not clear on - does she have custody of the kids?
She does half the time. It
She does half the time. It doesn't matter at this point - I broke up with her last night.
Congratulations. Breathe the
Congratulations. Breathe the free air. Do not second guess yourself. Things would have only gotten worse. We are all testament to that.
No one can really imagine how utterly demoralizing and destructive bad parenting can be to a relationship until you live it. You were willing to give it a chance before you knew. Now you know. You'll never forget.