I hate having SKs and I hate DH right now
I am new to the site but have lurked for a long time. I am 33 and DH is 38. DH has two kids, SS6 and SD5, from a previous marriage. We have one together on the way, a boy, who is due in Dec.
We got married in June and due to unforeseen circumstances with BM of SKs they ended up living with us for an indefinite period of time (first it was December, now it's next June). I really only thought we'd have them for the summer and of course I didn't get a say in them coming to live with us that long.
SS and SD are nightmares. They don't listen, SD has daddy wrapped around her finger, SS has anger/frustration issues which he takes out on my dog and his sister. Ever since they moved in, DH and my relationship has suffered to the point that I feel like an outsider and that he no longer cares about me or the baby. I have felt, since they moved in, that it's him and them vs. me and the baby. Last weekend was the final straw when I was admitted to the hospital on Saturday for a stay until Monday afternoon and DH didn't come see me once, nor offered to bring me anything. His excuse was that he had to take care of my dog (which he very well knew he could take to my mother's). Things were tense when I got back and when he approached me about trying to have "more positive interactions with his kids" I about lost it. I couldn't take it anymore. I brought up the hospital stay and everything I've been feeling (which I've brought up before). He is very unempathetic and when he showed no feelings, I packed my shit up and moved in with my mom temporarily. I said the only way I would come back is if we ALL went to family counseling to help us all adjust better. He refused, saying he didn't have the time. Of course, this coming from the person who gets to spend an hour at the gym every day.
So I said, then I'm staying where I am and not coming home. His response, ok.
I'm at the end of my rope.
I should also mention that I
I should also mention that I haven't added to the extent of the SKs' misbehaviors in the interest of typing quickly
Just going by this, he sounds
Just going by this, he sounds like an ass. Stay with your mom, file for divorce then file for cs as soon as your baby is born.
Yep. File for divorce,
Yep. File for divorce, temporary spousal support, and get everything drawn up for CS. He sounds like a complete douche.
If I were you I'd look up
If I were you I'd look up "gaslighting" and narcissistic personality disorder and see if he fits into any of those categories and if he does then arm yourself on how to either deal with it or leave him.
I don't know how long you've been with him or how he presented himself while you dated him but some people change once they feel they've caught their partner (cohabitation, commitment, pregnancy, etc.). I know that's "common knowledge" but often when it happens to an individual they don't see it until it's "too late."
Good luck, and be well.
Just....BIG HUGS I really
Just....BIG HUGS
I really think you should stay at your mum's and permanently leave him...it isn't going to get better...
Stay at your mom's. Pregnant
Stay at your mom's. Pregnant with his child... Any good man would have been by your hospital bed the whole time. Kids and dog be damned, there is always a way.
File, file now. Divorce and
File, file now. Divorce and temporary spousal support to begin with. Nail his ass for the cost of the delivery of the baby and immediately nail him for the maximum CS possible. Since he has custody of his two toxic spawn and is not paying CS you can get a huge CS award and put your kid at the front of the CS priority in the event the toxic spawn ever go back to BM and STBXH has to start paying CS on them.
Move on, protect yourself and your child from this ball-less wonder non-man idiot and his toxic spawn.
My condolences that you selected such a prick to father your child.
Take care of yourself and the baby. Single moms almost always are awarded CP status and full legal and physical custody while unwed fathers tend to get far less visitation. Leverage this as much as possible. As recent as your marriage is you may be able to get an annulment quicker than a divorce.
Either way….. File now!!!
I agree with everyone that he
I agree with everyone that he is an insensitive ass. I don't want to give up on the marriage so easily... favoring giving my child a stable home etc. I stayed with my mother for about five days before I agreed to even talk to DH. I told him my stipulation for coming back was for him to agree to marital/family counseling, which he eventually did. For the time being, I'm back, but I'm not happy about it and I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.
I'm glad that I have my family nearby as support and if things don't work I will have a place to go. I am not sure how counseling will go, but I think it's a step that needs to be taken. I definitely want to exhaust all those types of options before I throw the towel in.
I am very sorry for what
I am very sorry for what you're going through. I had my first child earlier this year and we only moved in together when I was about 7 months pregnant. Is this your first? Sorry if I missed that in your post . having a baby was so special for me...but my partner would havr a go at me for not playing games with his 5 and 7 year old entitled lil shits. So many times I wished it was just me and my baby. Stay wiyh your mum for as long as possible. You probably miss your husband but your health and the baby are the most important things right now. I'd be devastated if I had to split from my partner but whqt keeps me positive qbout a split is that I wouldn't have to put up with my skids ever and their pathetic mother.
I am so sorry you are having
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all that crap at what should be the happiest time of your life. Clearly you are in a bad situation since he's the father of your child and his 2 monsters. My greatest concern for you and baby is custody issues. The influence, anger and jealousy from his kids is certainly not something you want your sweet little one to be around for any extended amount of time. Your husband should already have the kids in counseling to help them deal with and work through their hurt and frustration over their mom, living situation, jealousy over you and baby. Not to mention, dad needs to counseling in how to help the kids while still be a disciplinarian, and help all of your come together as a family. The fact that he refused your request for marriage counseling and didn't come to the hospital at all is very concerning. In situations like this, your best bet is to follow your gut instinct, not your heart. I suggest sitting down with a very level-headed trusted friend or relative and help you weigh the pros and cons of divorce & life with your husband and sk's. If leaning toward divorce - seek advice of highly reputable attorney. Infact, hit all the "top" attorneys in town so he can't use them should you move forward with divorce!!!!!! Got money in your joint savings account??? You'd better cover rear!!! Good luck! Please keep us posted!