Timtacular-WELCOME to the world of StepTalk! The nicest thing here is yes; we can VENT. We read the rules of engagement and realize that we're not alone. I understand you are having a hard time with "liking" your SD7..just as BIO parents, we don't always like our BIOkids either. Honestly. I never said I didn't love them; but there are times; were times that as a parent? Didn't like my "rotten kids"(what my sister would say jokingly) actions or behaviors. I'm terribly sorry you're feeling these feelings of dislike with your SD, but the feelings will either pass; or they won't. We'll be here at StepTalk..so blog away. Perhaps you might want to talk with your DW? I'm not sure. I'm sure you'll get feedback..Good luck and welcome...

im childfree and pretty much anti kid. mt bf has an 8yr old son.
I don't like him very much.
welcome to steptalk...you're not the only one.

It is okay not to like the child but for crying out loud do not ever let her know you don't like her. This child is reaching out to you for a father figure and if you do not think you can fill that role you need to get out of the picture. Maybe that is harsh but if this child is living with you she will eventually realize something is not right and this will effect her. Also it is her mother's place to do the best thing for her child and if you are not the best thing she will also realize that.

You knew your DW had a child when you married her so either get counseling or move on.

I am a step parent and my stepkids are annoying as hell sometimes but all kids are even my own. BUT if my SO told me he did not like my child and was not willing to work on this problem he would be out the door. My kids come first right now....if they cannot get love and acceptance at home where can they get it.

I do have a BS10 that lives with me and my SO....they do not always get along and it is not an idea fit but we are working on it. This is my son's home and I want him to feel at "home" in his home.

Timtacular, it's great to have this forum isn't it? I'm a SM for about 3+years now to SD6 and can totally relate. She is so 'daddy-centric' that she even pushes her own BM away. She is split between households 50/50. When she is not with us it is bliss and when she is, it's not awful, just..hmmm..tedious. I've tried so many times to be a parent for her and provide structure in her life because SO/BF is always too busy. Making her lunch for school, cleaning her room, doing her laundry, cooking her meals, putting her to bed, reading her stories, etc. etc...all for her to practically ignore me and run to daddy every chance she gets...and I potty trained her when she was 3 because nobody else was taking the initiative! So to be this engaged and still be ignored by someone who isn't my own child gets frustrating and makes me honestly not like her much of the time. This has been an internal battle of mine for all of the 3+ years. What I've understood is that I'm more angry and frustrated with SO/BF and BM for being so absent than I am at the girl. I grew up in a clean, orderly, loving household and have longed to provide that for my own children. When that didn't happen I naturally wanted to do it for my SD. If I didn't do the things I do, she'd be like an Irish Setter without a leash..chaos!

However, I have to agree with Dumby's comment. As adults we tend to forget the necessities of what children need. Children are clingy because they are looking for support. They inherently feel there is something different or missing from their foundation. So even though I get extremely frustrated and angry with her and SO/BD, I am constantly reminding myself of the importance of trying to be a loving presence in the home. If she rejects me for whatever reason, I know that I'm still being the best person I can be without reacting to her bratty behavior.

It's very important for us as adults in a household to set a good example. Even though it seems like it's not being received, it will be remembered for years to come. Good luck, and know you're not the only one!

Welcome! Yeah, I'm not my SD15's biggest fan either. her personality just doesn't fit mine. I can tell you that if you have having trouble now, it will get worse during the teen years.

All I can tell you is that if you do nothing, you watch your DW make a lot of mistakes with SD.
If you step in and help, eventually you will get the same accusations we all have, "you're picking on my child, You don't know because you don't have your own kids" blah blah blah

No one here should fault you for finding SD an inconvenience. My SO has told me he see's that I act his kids are a nuisance sometimes. THEY ARE. Any parent I'm sure has felt that, let alone someone who isn't their parent.

Good luck and hope you find this a place to help you.

I understand completely. I have a BD7 and SS11 who lives w/us now for 2 yrs. I don't even wanna deal with him on a daily basis, and my DH gets mad at me. He tells me that I deal w/SS11 only b/c he's there and if he died I would ship him out. Welllllllllllll..........hehehehe.

I feel the same way as you, he's not a bad kid, he has just become too much to handle that it would be easier to just leave. He started out being mean to my BD7, breaking her toys and lying about it, saying mean things to her, he lies about school work/homework/projects. I mean it's just to the point that I would rather not even deal w/him. I don't wanna deal w/him all-together and I sometimes feel bad b/c I don't know why I feel like that. I love kids. There is not a kid that I haven't met that I didn't wanna joke around with. When it comes to him, I don't really want to. I would rather avoid him then have to be annoyed. His BM died a couple yrs back also so I feel the same way. The poor kid needs a "mom" in his life and I don't wanna be that person sometimes. I do what is needed, but anything extra I don't. It's sad, selfish and not helping the situation, but it's how I feel.

I thought something was wrong w/me until I found steptalk. Now I realize there are millions of people who are dealing w/the same thing. Most people just need a place to vent or seek advice b/c we end up not wanting to leave our SO so we need to get it off our chest and figure where to go from here.

I have 3 step kids and if I ever met them in a situation onside of my home, I would remove myself and kids from the situation...its very difficult to do this especially when they are kids..however I feel stuck because I love their dad but their personalities does not match mine nor my kids

 They are anti social and answer with one words, which comes across very rude, whereas if my kids spoke like that, my partner would be speaking to me to high heavens about discipline. One rule for them amd I get that he doesn't see them and wants to spend time but I do not want to see them. I feel selfish amd resentful because of the way I feel, but cannot keep doing this. How do I cope with this...I am.made to feel like im.constantly nitpicking when I have rules that they are not used to....it is getting too much.

I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up some useful advice and perpective from others who are living the blended family adventure.

As for your SD. Then like her.  Take the actions of liking her. And you will like her.

Like you, I have no BKs. This is my second marriage and my DW's first though she brought the StepSpawn to our relationship.  SS-30 is an only child in our marriage and the eldes of 4 all out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs in his SpermClan.   His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.  I raised him as my own over the 16+ year course of our CO years. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22yo. We made that happen.

Which brings me to my point. I completely understand having perfectly natural feelings of rejection toward someone elses spawn who is in your home and marriage.  It is not natural for mammals to adopt the spawn of a predecessor.  Though certainly not unheard of.  I struggled with those same feelings regarding my wife's child while we were dating and for the first year or so after we married. 

I gained some clarity on the rejection feelings while watching an Animal Planet special on lions. When a new male takes over a pride, the first thing they do is kill all of the cubs of their predecessor.  The reason is two fold. First, it puts all of the breeding age females into estress, and it vectors all of the food assets to the growing on the new males progeny.  Fortunately, we are human and not Lions.

I made a choice. To have my incredible bride as my life partner, i had to adjust my perspective regarding my SS. He truly was an amazing toddler.  He just was not 'mine'.  So, I loved him. And ultimately that made him mine. And me his.

Not love in the tender, emotional sense. A least not in the beginning.  Love in the action sense.  I took the actions of love towards him.  And the feelings grew. I carried him on my shoulders when we were out on hikes, his mom and I held his hands and swung him between us as we were out and about, I chased him through McD's play scapes, I read him bedtime stories, I taught him to tie his shoes, etc, etc, etc....

I loved him. And he loved me.  We are extremely close.

So, if you truly want to make a life with your wife, love her kid. Love YOUR Skid.  Take the actions of love.  The feelings will grow and grow quickly. At least if your journey unfolds as mine has.

This is not something I came up with entirely on my own. It is a chapter in Stephen Covey's 7 HABBITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE.  That is the most worn chapter in my copy of that book. It works.

My SS, who first called me Dad(dy) when he was 2yo asked me to adopt him when he was 22yo. I was the first person he ever called Dad(dy).  He has always known his Spermidiot. But... kids are smart. They know who their REAL dad is. The REAL dad is the one who takes the actions of love.

You are your SKid's REAL dad. Read your post. You are taking those actions.  Her feelings for you are growing with that investment.  

I recommend that you re-read your post. IMHO, you are doing the actions, it is a matter of finding that last few actions that will move you into being your SD's daddy in your heart and not just by action.

At least that is how it worked for me.

Good luck.