You are here

I dislike my step son

justheretorant's picture

I moved to a different country to live with my fiancé, I have no family or friends here so I'm glad I found this website. We just had a son together (he’s 5 weeks now) and he has a son from a previous relationship who’s 8. His son lives with us and either goes to his mom or grandmas (fiancé’s mom) on the weekend. He’s close to his grandma because when his parents broke up his dad needed a lot of help so OH’s mom would stay with him every weekend, because his mom decided to leave him behind and start a new life with the man she cheated on my oh with. 

Anyways, I don’t hate the boy, I just think he’s a no mannered, spoilt brat. I blame my oh a little, he is extremely soft on him, does everything. I moved in when he was 7 and oh was still wiping his bum after a poo or feeding him like a baby. I pointed those issues out and it’s sorted now finally. But he does 0 chores, doesn’t tidy his bed, or his toys, if his dad asks, he says no. My jaw fell to the ground when I first heard him say no after his dad asked him to do something. He had a play date with a friend and messed up the whole living room with his toys, his dad asked him to tidy it and he said no why. No why? Why tf do we have to clean up your mess! (His dad tidied up that mess himself lol). His son as a computer desk where he sits and plays on all day and night, it’s where he lives to eat too, there’s always a mess underneath, I asked oh to get him to clean it. After 2 no’s and why he sweeps the floor. 

I’ve known him a year and we’ve never had a full conversation (maybe because there’s a language barrier but his English isn’t bad for his age), I pretty much just ask if he wants anything to eat. Small talk. When I was pregnant I was getting more hormones than usual and feeling some type of way towards him, worse. I couldn’t look at him in the eye, I still can’t. I wish his mom would take him to live with him. I just wanted it to be the 3 of us and I felt guilty for that. His moms boyfriend has just recently flew out his 10 year old daughter to live with them permanently. 

He doesn’t say please or thankyou, I drill OH for that, simple manners. He got so many expensive Christmas presents this week (nothing new he gets everything he wants) No thankyou to anyone! 

His great grandparents always give him money like €100-200 randomly, he expects to get money from them every time he sees them. It’s sad. He started playing on his new Nintendo switch he got for Christmas but a game he wanted to play wasn’t working properly, his dad was trying to fix it but he was being impatient, so he banged his fist against the controller! Oh was walking past him so he decided to try trip him up WHILE OH WAS HOLDING MY 5 WEEK OLD BABY. He nearly tripled and I nearly slapped the boy. Fuming every-time I think about it.

Last June we went on our first holiday to Spain, he ruined it for me with his moaning, “ I’m  bored”,  he also said it was a shit holiday. That made my piss boil. My oh tries so hard to please his son, even if he disrespects him. He always blames himself for his behaviour.

Oh is currently picking him up from his moms after staying Wednesday and Thursday night. I’m annoyed he didn’t stay the weekend too so now I’m stuck with him while oh goes to work! The weekend is the only time i can talk to oh without his son talking over me when we are having a conversation! 

I found this website and I just wanted to rant!

tog redux's picture

Yes, what a little brat your OH has created. And he's not teaching his son the skills he needs to eventually grow up and be independent, out of a selfish need to be his son's "pal" instead of his father.

I would quickly lose respect for a man who neglected his son's needs for structure and discipline. 

parkers_mom's picture

Oh man it's like we are living the same life. I have never been a single parent, so I can't imagine how difficult it must be, but at the same time, I am running out of patience for excuses. It sounds like you are too. My advice would be to ask your OH what he expects your role to be in the house. Mine said from the beginning that he wanted a partner, not just a girlfriend. I bring this up a lot when he resists me disciplining my step son. If your OH expects you to play an active role in your stepsons life, you need to explain that he does not get to pick and choose where you're going to parent. And if he wants a peaceful household, you guys need to get on the same page about what you expect moving forward. Good luck, I'm right there with ya!