I Cant stand My step children
OK....I reallydont want to sound like a terrible person. But I can't take much more of this. When my husband and I first got together, he LIED to me about having kids. I had absolutely no idea. We moved very quickly in our relationship and ended up moving in togetther even fasster. Soon after moving in together,I found out he did in fact have 2 kids with 2 different woman. I was VERY upset due to the fact that I don't think lieing about children is any laughing matter, especially when I was admament about not wanting to be in a relationship that involved kids. In any case, I swallowed my pride and decicded I wasn't breaking up with him for this. I would learn to deal.
WELL~! nOT ONLY DO I FIND OUT HE HAS 2 KIDS, BUT FIND OUT 2 KIDS FROM TWO DIFFERENT MOMS!! nOW i WAS REALLY annoyed. Then on top of that, he has a young girl in his life who he raised from birth who is now 16.
Long story short, I trried very hard to have a relationship with his kids in hopes of doing the right thing. But his 13 year old daughter is the nastiest girl I have ever met. She is manipulitive and mean. We give her everything she could possibly want and more and doesnt appreciate anything. She disrespects me in my home and he allows it. He says he feels guilty bc he doesnt see her often. We bought her a laptop for her Bday, she broke it in 3 weeks and posted on FB it was crap and wanted a new one. I bought her a $250 hair straightener which she didnt like bc it wasnt pretty enough :?
Now his sons mom is in love with my husband. I swear she has told her child to hate me. When he sees me he spits on me, kicks me, and is beyond rude. My husbands mom constantly pushes me to push my husband t have a better relationship with his kids and for me to be more involved. But I cant stand them! And I am sorry but my huisbands mom seems to think I should be ok with my husband going to his sons house to see him. I am not jelous but there is no way in hell my husband is going to spend time with the woman whom he bares a child with!
My husbands mother invites his sons mom to all family functions making it very uncomfortable. I wany my husband to have the relationship with his kids but I want no part of it. I tried having the relationship and building trust with them just to be disrespected and embarressed. It causes nothing but fights between my husband and I and I am sick of it.
Now for the real problem, I am now 7.5 months pregnant and his daughter is PISSED! she came to stay with us for 2 weeks and did everything in her power to make her father feel ashamed and bad for having another child. She manipulated him into taking her shoppingn bc "he only cares about the baby now" (GIVE ME A BREAK!) to the tune of $650!! we are nothing close to being rich. And I am sorry, we pay $1200 cs a month, pay for her dance lessons, swim lessons, school trips and everything else she needs.
I feel sick thinking that I will now have to have these kids in my life forever. I cant stand them at all, and it bothers me to feel this way but I cant help it. My husband recently took money I had saved for my nursery to send to his daughter (this happenned 3 times now) after she gave him guilt trips. In 3 months he has sent her $350, $420, and $300...What in the hell does a 12 year old need that kind of money for!!!???? we pay her celll phone bill etc.
I was so upset I told him not to touch my money again as I have my own child to worry about and support now, he was very angry and told me I am being childish? Am I?
I am just so fed up. I cant take much more of it and I love him so much. he is so good to me, but I dont think he realizes the extent of the issue with his other children. He knows itbothers me but does nothing to change it bc he is guilt tripped. I am so sad and confused
Yeah, I think I would have
Yeah, I think I would have left if someone lied to me about having kids. No, you shouldn't feel bad for hating his kids because should you be forced to like someone who disrespects you in your own home? You need to give him an ultimatum. If he sends his daughter money again, you will go and get separate bank accounts. Then if he wants to give his daughter money he can do so from his own account. I guarantee you he will stop. You aren't being childish at all. I get pissed when my wife gives her kids money, and they are all in their 20's so it's even worse.
If my man had lied to me
If my man had lied to me about having kids, I think that would have been a deal breaker. The crap about him giving them $ needs to stop....especially if he pays cs. I guess the silver lining on this cloud is, they don't live with you full time. Don't ever let them.
Thank you everyone. It is
Thank you everyone. It is comforting to know that I really am not crazy and that this situation is inappropriate. And as for them coming to live with us, he mentioned it once when she got into trouble with her mother, he said she could come live with us if she wanted without discussing it with me. I was put on the spot but I said NO WAY! and then after she left advised hom not to do that again
Ohhh yes indeed! It seems
Ohhh yes indeed! It seems like the man needs to grow up a little and stop allowing them to manipulate him, the reality is that he's allowed it for so long that he doesn't know any other way! He expects you to fall in with all of that too? I think NOT! He'll get it, he really does need someone strong to help him see it. Have you had counselling, I mean counselling that helps you to work it out? Assert yourself as his wife, calmly state your point of view. He's so used to being manipulated that having someone honest is a huge change, I imagine.
It took about four years for SD here to realize that I am NOT going anywhere, for her to stop trying to get her parents back together and behave herself. SS, her twin brother, is just now beginning the phase his sister went through...i heard that boys mature approximately four years later than girls and this actually does seem to bear out with ours.
By the time they make 21 they'll be doing well! DH and I will be semi retired and doing our own thing...always hope on the horizon!
Let me get this straight...
Let me get this straight... he LIED to you about having kids, and then you still stayed with him AND you are having his baby? And you have a problem with him trying to buy their love, yet you weren't doing the same thing and now your just pissed because it didn't work? It seems as if you are getting the exact drama you were looking for.
Soooo... you moved in really
Soooo...
you moved in really fast
your relationship moved really fast
he lied about having kids
his children hit and spit on you (WTF???)
you married him
you are pregnant by him
Hmmm...this all adds up to you got exactly what you set yourself up for. He may be a louse, and his kids may be awful, but, honey, YOU CHOSE THIS MESS FOR YOUR LIFE.
Best of luck.