Husband won't stand up for me, when it comes to the ex-wife and his mother.
A little back ground.... Together for 5 years Married for 2, his 3rd marriage my 1st, He has an 8 year old Son, we have joint custody we have him (Thursday)or Friday-Sunday, BM Monday-WED OR THUR. Weekly. We have a 10 mo old Daughter.
My MIL & FIL and his ex-wife are so close it is sicking, they pay EVERYTHING for his ex ( minus the child support we pay)In Laws hate me and have since before they met me, they never wanted the divorce and WANT them back together ( even though they were toxic) I Came into the picture A year after the divorce was finalized but it's my fault they aren't together. My husband and I have a good relationships accept when it comes to his ex and parents, MY SS and I are very close , love him like he is my own. My problem is my in-laws and his mother tell him to treat me like crap and if I do something he doesn't like or want to do to call them and someone will come and get him! I am sorry but I don't allow him to, because all he wants to do is get out of cleaning up his mess or doing his chores which consist of feeding/watering/pooper scooping for HIS 2 dogs, Making his bed and cleaning his room up, They all believe this is too much for an 8 year old to do!!!!!!!!
We have another issue to my in-laws have not seen my daughter in 3 and a half months they live 15 minutes from us, and 45 minutes from BM, they do not call unless SS is at our house, but they go to BM house and take them to dinner every Monday at BWW, and Wednesday at Applebee's, they also buy SS everything he wants for BM the entire set every time he wants something, they do not buy one toy, without getting every last figure, state, car whatever it may be. My DH seems to think it is fine because they send it to her house, nut I get sick and tired of listening to my SS rant and rave about what he did and what he got from his grandparents and it hurts my because I know one day it is going to hurt my daughter, BM has told me to my face that MIL said my daughter would be absolutely adorable id she had her face ( meaning my dh ex-wife face shape) BM calls me names and tells SS I am stupid and my DH wont say anything to any of them. I am fed-up
You need to disengage from
You need to disengage from all of them. It's a losing battle. Trust me, I've been dealing with a similar issue for years and it doesn't get better. The final nail in the coffin for us was when MIL went to bm's wedding, after dh begged her not to because it was hurtful. We no longer speak to them. Period. But it took awhile for dh to hit that point. But for your own sanity, disengage.
Thanks for the Advice, just
Thanks for the Advice, just wish I could get DH to stand up the all 3 of them and at least say something instead he acts like nothing happens....
Yes, agree, disengage. I,
Yes, agree, disengage. I, too, have similar issue-not from bm perspective but with my inlaws. Dh couldn't stand up properly for me. Finally they alienated him to such a degree that he wants nothing to do with them and I've stopped waiting for him to stick up for me-but have spoke up myself to several of the family members and while I've no doubt they still hate me-they have left me alone.
Disengage, and turn tables.
Disengage, and turn tables.
One of these days grandparents are going to want to see your daughter. Don't let them. Tell DH they are not welcome in your presence until they stop treating you like dirt. If he pushes the issue, leave every time they show up. There is no reason why you HAVE to let your child around people who treat you like that.
I'll give my own MIL credit, she can talk shit all she wants to DH, thinking he won't tell me about it, but she shuts the fuck up in my house.
She got upset with me once, for cleaning mold from the bathroom at their house when we were staying there. Someone had to do it. I wasn't going to have my infant in a house that had mold in it. DH dealt with it, and we haven't gone back since. Now if they want to see the grandkids, they come to us.
You can't control their weird thing with BM or SS, but you can control whether or not you allow them to treat you and/or your daughter poorly.
"There is a good chance what
"There is a good chance what you write about could be one of the reasons he is now on his 3rd marriage."
Agreed. My SO and his ex, about 2 years before they split, cut all contact with his parents. I'd heard lots of stories about this from SO and his folks and considering what I know about his ex (basically that she's batshit crazy)I started out assuming it was all her fault. Now she's definitely out of the picture and I'm in? I can see why the ex hated them so much. She's still batshit crazy but imagine that paired with his batshit crazy parents...what a disaster! She was claiming his parents were part of what drove her away from the relationship...I figured that was her making excuses (she's a party animal, I figured that was her real reason for leaving). But now I think his folks and his lack of standing up for her probably DID play a big part in the divorce. Seems to be holding true this time round as well.
I agree with other posters here, I'm disengaging until I'm provided with some proof that they're going to show me at least the basic minimum of respect...I'm tired of getting beaten up with the olive branch I'm offering them! No more! I advise you to do the same
SO can see them if he wants but I don't want to know about it until they're ready to offer me some respect. And to be honest if SO isn't willing to do his part to insist on some common decency for me in that relationship it really lowers my feelings for him. ATM I'm looking longingly back to my single days, things were a lot less complicated. Maybe you should have a look at your finances and ability to take care of yourself without your husband if things don't get better? A man who won't stand up for you isn't worth all the heartache I reckon.