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Husband read my BS text messages and doesn't treat him the same as his son

crazystepmom3's picture

Submitted by crazystepmom3 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:05am

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Blended Family Issues

How should I respond to my husband about this? He spends most of his time with his kids and since my son is his own person (different personality) and doesn't feel like a part of the family since it's all my new husbands family. He also is the scapegoat when things go wrong even though ss also does wrong. Always feel like I'm the bad person and my son is to blame. Also have a horrible X-factor to deal with along with custody case. We have custody now of his kids.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:29am

What worked for me, was not allowing DH to discipline or correct my son in anyway. I don't correct his and he doesn't mine. If he sees something wrong, then he tells me and I handle it. Same for his kid.

That was the only way I could stop my son feeling picked on by DH.

Good luck, it is hard blending...

crazystepmom3's picture

Submitted by crazystepmom3 on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 3:22pm

I've recently started that not by choice but by the kids and it's sort of working except I have to catch myself wanting to tell him his 13 yr old daughter is up at 3 am texting boys or on facebook. All he'll say is my son did something worse. Some days I wonder why I got into this relationship but I thought it would be helpful for my son at the time and I was so alone and in love with him. Have you ever just felt dead inside from all the drama? Unfortunately my own son is acting out a little bit by smoking weed occasionally so that's a huge target on him. I hope I survive the next few years. Any words of encouragement or advice is greatly appreciated.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 1:04pm

But make sure that when you do this that the exchange is mutual.

For example what usually ends up happening is that if you tell biodad about SS/SD's, for example, shoplifting and mugging of elderly people at the local nursing home, biodad does nothing/ignores it/rewards the bad behaviour then accuses you of picking on his children. Or trying to "FIND" something wrong with his spawn.

Whereas biodad usually feels free to put YOUR biochild under a microscope and look for microscopic particles of misbehaviour such as failure to hold in a sneeze although said biochild says excuse me and covers with a tissue.