Husband Angry That I Can't Take It Anymore
Hi, this is ny first message here but have been on the Steptalk forums since I began my blended family journey 7 years ago. And boy has it been a ride. Got married to my husband when I was 33 and he was 45. He had 3 sons and I really asked myself if I vlcould love them and I thought, sure. I'm a good person, I have a bog heart. I can fit them in. Well fast forward to today and I honestly don't even like them most of the time. The 1st is fine, we are good coz he doesn't stay with us. Now, every day, I am dealing with a passive aggressive 15 year old and a 20 year old who refuses to get a job and out the house! I an tired of dealing with their heavy traumas that sit in the ether of my home, tired of empathing their shit and trying to be as cordial as possible. But my husband says I come off rejecty! Well, that's what they have been to me the entire time coz let's face it, they don't like me either so tonight I admitted it point blank to my DH that I no longer want them staying with us. And he then said imagine how it makes me feel. What! Dude! I have been trying and they are much older, not to mention I don't feel safe with the 15 year old as he obviously has serious mom-guilt (she is an alcoholic who couldnt give 2 flying fush about them). And frankly I want them both out of my house. I have 2 BS and 1 BD of my own and they are already a handful. I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE. I feel like I failed him and myself as I really tried but they will never accept me and frankly I honestly don't care if they do! I am not the stepmom I thought I would be as I have to admit that my blended family is just not blending.
Your DH is upset with the
Your DH is upset with the wrong person--he should be upset and embarrassed that his own kids are unlikable losers.
Has he ever done anything to have your back? Disciplined them for anything they've done to make your life miserable? Taken the pressure off you in any way?
You don't mention specifics
You don't mention specifics but you say you don't feel safe. That in itself is alarming, esp since in your bio you say you have a newborn. I would try counseling since you have a baby with this guy, but if he is not on board with making his adult and teen sons behave, it may not help. Don't feel bad. Just about everyone here went in thinking their good intentions would make everything work out just fine, but stepparents often have the deck stacked against them. It sounds like this situation was toxic before you even arrived.
You haven’t failed
Hi Triggered,
I don't think you should feel like you have failed. It sounds to me You have tried to be a good stepmother. However, as I have observed in my own life just because one is a good person or have love to give, it does not mean that the stepchildren want to or are able to receive this. It also seems to me that children as young adults remain at home for a longer period of time now into their late 20s, which intensifies any issues in the family.
It sounds as if you've had a really challenging time and have given everything you've got to give.
I wonder if couples therapy could help so that you'd both have a safe space to talk and find away forward.
Im wishing you well in these challenging circumstances.
Best wishes, Pumpkin123uk
He's angry that you can't take it any more?
WTF is that?
He is angry because he has no balls and is a failed man, failed father, and failed husband and for some reason that is your fault?
Please move on to living your best life. That cannot happen with this dumbass as your partner.
Take care of you.