Hubby melts just talking to his kids on phone...soooo pathetic!
So, SD4 and SS6 are still in Europe with their mum on their annual Europe triop which FDH pays for each year and will do so until SD4 is 14.
They have another month in Europe and I'm soaking up the peace. FDH talks to skids on skype at least every week. Last week was a disaster. SD4 wouldn't even come on screen and SS6 was in the screen but playing with lego and giving one word answers. FDH was so upset by his kids lack of interaction he cut the conversation short and for the rest of the evening I had to comfort a grown man reduced to tears by these little shits.
He tells bio mum that she has to support him in getting the kids to talk to him and she promises to talk the kids into another skype call.
So last night the call happens and bot kids were very interactive and chatty. He always leaves the room to talk to his kids but i could hear everything and OMG was it pathetic. I was happy that he was happy the kids talked to him.
BUT, is it normal for a father to have to thank his own kids profusely for talking to him. He thanked both kids about 5 times each for talking to him and told them he loved them about 20 times. He hasn't told me or our 6 month old he loves us. Am i jealous? yes. I'm sitting there listening to him asking them when they be going to their grandparent's chalet in the Alps! We haven't had a night away in ages, not even a motel just out of town and these little shits and their mum get a Europe trip.
I just felt so drained afterwards because of the emotional; rollercoaster the kids put him through and it flows through to us. Before last night's successful Skype call everyday he would say how much he didn't like his kids and he'd started giving my daughter more attention because he had given up on his older kids. One conversation later, they are back to being the everything in his life. Next week if they ignore him again, it will be back to " I don't like those kids, I like ours better"
It's exhausting.
I think you're
I think you're overreacting...they are 4 and 6 not 14/16
at that age-there will be times they dont wanna skype with dad-sounds like he was trying to get any kind of interaction from them.
Well, that's the life of a
Well, that's the life of a SM...people tell you you're overreacting. It was their dad who disowned them after they wouldn't talk to him on skype and i trie dto convince him that they were just being kids.
it's the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with his kids on and off relationship with him. And i'm sorry - at 6, you don't need to be convinced to speak to your own dad. Just me.
Thanking your own kids for talking to you was not getting interaction out of them. i still think it's strange.
When my daughter was that
When my daughter was that age-there were plenty of times she couldn't be bothered to talk on the phone or skype whomever-she was too busy playing or involved with whatever she was doing.
Not a big deal in my eyes.
I do agree that the thanking your own kids for talking to (or lack thereof) is a big strange though.
I've never done this with my stepkids nor has DH
Your husband sounds like an
Your husband sounds like an immature kid.
Crying and disowning a 4&6 year old because they didn't want to talk to him??? I sure hope your infant never wants you to hold her and not dad. If that happens, he might have a full blown temper tantrum.
Yes, why? Kids that age
Yes, why? Kids that age won't even remember the trips. It's a total waste of money. They'd be just as happy playing with Lego at home.
After his kids wouldn't talk
After his kids wouldn't talk to him on skype he was extra doting on our 6 month old. My point is the attention he gives us seems to depend on his relationship with the older kids.
he does put a lot of work into his kids I'll give him that and that's why I think he got so frustrated he 'disowned' them. That's where my point about the emotional rollercoaster comes in. Next week if they ignore him he will be upset, the following week if they talk to him he will be on top of the world. At 4 and 6 they have control over us even all the way from France.
the 8 week annual holiday to France is part of the separation agreement(ex is French). It costs about $8000 a year ...it will continue for the next 10 years according to the agreement. But at least from next year on he will only be paying for the kids airfares and not their mum's. His spousal support for her will also stop. That's like an extar $300 for us a week!!
You can dislike these "little
You can dislike these "little shits" as much as you want but your husband is the real problem. So why the dislike for them? Why not let your husband feel that dislike instead of them? Depending on what else was going on, it's possible that the 6 year old had to be convinced to talk to dad. Perhaps he was playing with someone or doing something else that was fun.
At 4 and 6 these kids aren't the problem...your husband is.
Yes,I agree that he is also
Yes,I agree that he is also the problem.
ihave known these kids for almost 3 years now but when they come for visitation each fortnight(used to be each weekend) they don't talk to me, they only respond to me when their father angrily tells them to respond to me. They don't eat what i cook and they have called me and my daughter nasty names in french. My high school French figured it out and dad found it very hard to believe his precious kids could say that.
of course i know that some of the rude behaviour and poor social skills comes from their mum. I've had friends come over and the kids won't even look at them to say hello. It's like having 2 brick walls in our house every other weekend.
Yes, at 4 and 6 you can say they are still young but come on at 4 and 6 a kid's got to know that they ignoring someone intentionally. I can go an entire weekend and all i get from them are a few nods usually when I'm offering them their favourite snacks - they will never respond just out of having a polite conversation - you have to be giving them soething for them to even be interested in you.
dad appreciates my frustration because they sometimes treat him the same way.
I think douche is too strong.
I think douche is too strong. i do love him and he is a good person and LOL, it would be cheaper to get back with the ex.
i think the annual holidays came about because it was assumed had they stayed together the kids would have visited France each year to visit their family.
I wasn't there whe they separated but yeah, that was one overly generous separation agreement.
i'm too embarassed to even mention how much she gets a week besides the holiday to France. And guess what this psycho ex says, "I can't even save with the money you give me" Biatch get a job if you want to save.
FDH has just suggested a holiday in Fiji with the SKIDS later this year. I can't think of anything worse. have always wanted to go to Fiji but the thought of a tropical holiday with 2 whinging kids who look right through me like I'm not there - no Thanks!!!
It doesn't really matter how
It doesn't really matter how much 'generous' extras the BM got in the divorce settlement or how much you resent her for it now...your DH agreed to it all, signed off and he has to live with whatever he agreed to. If you want to resent it, resent the fool who agreed to it all.
I do think you're being a bit hard on these children. They are very young kids who are doing who is taught and encouraged by their parents. You can figure with pretty much certainty that the name calling and the not talking is something being feed to them by their mother. The woman hates you and being with her children 26 some days a month gives her a lot of influence of their attitudes and behavior. Their loyalty lies with their mum. She's the one there day in and day out. They are young children with a hateful bitter mother and a fickle father who announces he'll disown them ...where would your loyalties lie if you were these kids? Fathers who refer to their children as 'little shits' shouldn't be surprised when the little shits call their SM 'little cow' in French.
Fiji? Why in the world would your DH even entertain the idea of taking these children on yet another vacation? You tell your DH you have no intentions of subjecting yourself and your baby to a vacation with these children until he learns to parent his children. He allows these children to be unruly and run wild in his home. He allows them to practice in his home the hatred their mother has put into their heads.
You complain the children are messy and slobs and that they won't pick up rooms or carry dishes away from table. Then you admit your husband is a slob and refuses to even put in shelves/proper storage space for the kid's items. Where are they to put their books and toys if not on the floor then? When the last time they watched their father carry his dishes to the sink and/or clean up after himself? Children are what they're taught and right now the only person teaching these children anything is their hateful bitter mum.
You noticed, right, that when the children ignored their father and didn't want to speak to him that DH spoke directly to Mum and the next call was all sweet and interactive. SO your DH does know how to stop the bullsh*t if it affects him, he's just not much caring about anything about it when it only affects you.
You noticed, right, that when
You noticed, right, that when the children ignored their father and didn't want to speak to him that DH spoke directly to Mum and the next call was all sweet and interactive. SO your DH does know how to stop the bullsh*t if it affects him, he's just not much caring about anything about it when it only affects you
Good point. i hadn't thought about that. him and hsi dad refuse to believe the ex has any kind of influence on the kids. They treat her like the queen. Till 2 years ago the dad(grandad) was still buying her bday gifts.
It was after I pushed for it that he instaled shelves in the kids room. They have $500 shelves in their room and my baby has $70 shelves but the SKIDS room still looks liek a tip...LOL.
Yes, perhaps I am being hard on the kids. It's hard not to when you feel invaded every fortnight and school holiday.
He had refused for us to go on holiday this year saying our daughter was too young to fly anywhere. He'd even said he only saw us taking a holiday further than a 3 hour flight after she was 5!! Then on the back of a successful conversation with his kids he now thinks we should have a lovely island holiday...BS. I couldn't think of anything worse.
Are you jealous of the
Are you jealous of the attention these kids are receiving from their loving father? He is doing what a GOOD father should be doing. Why are you disgusted by this? What is wrong with you? I would also be devastated if my kids were disengaged during a phone call while out of the country. U would miss them fiercely. Kudos to the BM for coparenting and having the kids engage in the skype call, that is what a good mother would do. A bad mother would be disgusted that the kids dad wanted to be engaged as a parent. I am losing my faith in the adults in these forums. Immature...
I don't think you read the
I don't think you read the entire post so won't really bother responding to you.
Oh I read it in its entirety
Oh I read it in its entirety and my assessment is spot on. Quit finding problems to focus on regarding your skids
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? hunie look around, your life is a hot mess! hot ass mess! you married a guy 4 months ago, dating for 2.5 (while he was still getting divorced?) and you think you know it all? because you have 4? why are you judging others when you are struggling to keep it together? you have no clue what we go trough ...come back in 3 or 5 years and we'll see your classy act!
I would be disgusted too.
I would be disgusted too. Especially if he paid for BM's vacation. The skids will get the impression BM did that for them and not DH. Your BM is a Disney Mom.
Why does anyone care that the
Why does anyone care that the kids would think BM paid for the trip? That is a moot point. They were able to enjoy a trip that not many kids will ever get to. That is the problem, people are more worried about the BM looking good vs making sure the kids feel safe and their needs are being met by both parents. Why do so many people add conflict where it isn't necessary? You should always want to other parent to look good from your end. IF they make themselves look bad to their kids, that is not your problem and you can't be blamed for creating it
LOL...your mental image is
LOL...your mental image is completely wrong but nice try.
Yes, he is quite well off and the annual trips were to placate her so she would stay in teh country but still have the opportunity to visit her family in Europe as she no family here at all. I knew about the arrangement and it didn't really affect me until we started living together and it starts to become a sizeable chunk of money!! But yeah, it was agreed to before I showed up so can't do anything about it. It annoys me when she says things like 'But i can't even save!" Most peple here would agrtee that overseas trips are a very good deal in any settlement, stupid as it may appear to outsiders.
And...her support for her and the skids is actually $800 per week so he's doing hsi best to ensure the kids have a good lifestyle. Will be interesting to see if she goes to work when that gets cut down by half when the youngest comes to an age where she doesn't get spousal support anymore.
Yes, I may not have to listen to the conversations with teh kids. Hard not to! I guess from his perspective after pumping so much into his kids, whether you agree or not, he easily feels let down by their standoffish attitude and yes, perhaps forgets they have short attention spans. When he pouts I just think I'm being a supportive partner by trying to make him understand the situation. I guess it's also the guilt, then he overcompenstaes and expects the kids to recognise but what do they know.
I agree. I think you can just
I agree. I think you can just try to be supportive of when the skids treat your DH like crap, and when they go to your home and ignore you, just act like it doesn't bother you. At 4 and 6, they will push your buttons if they know what makes you tick.