My FH and I have a few different pet names for each other, one of which is "princess" for me. One night, he said good night to SD and said it EXACTLY the same way he says it to me ending in "princess". And I just had a coniption fit. (Usually I don't listen to him say goodnight to her, this time I just happened to be in the room) He had a really hard time understanding why it upset me so much saying "you're both my princesses". I said no, I don't want to be treated lovingly the same way as her. He finally gave in and now he calls SD by her own pet names.

Yes, it's kinda immature. You and I both know that which is why you wrote this blog But I think its that in some way, we want to feel special (maybe even more special) and unique separately from the SKs. We want our love between our men and us to be different and special separately from their kids. Its jealousy. Its competition. But I think we are entitled to a little request like this to smooth over our egos considering how much we sacrifice for them and their kids.

I think everyone desreves their own. No offense to the pet name "baby", but when my SD was younger and DH couldn't figure out why she was talking like a baby and acting like a baby I had to inform him that he and BM called her BABY! What else did he expect? Baby isn't allowed in our house.
__________________________________________________________________
"All power is from within therefore under our control." - Robert Collier

I remember that when my dad stopped calling me by hi pet nickname he had for me and started to call my stepmother by it, I was hurt and wanted an explanation. He had called me "baby" too up until that point. So, he and I talked about it and he started calling me by my favorite flavor of ice cream instead. He said that because I was a big girl now he didn't feel it would be appropriate to call me "baby" anymore but at least we still had a special nickname for me that I only allow him to this day to call me.

I think that if this is really bugging you then you should talk to your DH. Tell him that you think the world of SD but it's confusing to both of you when he calls out "baby" because you don't know who he's talking about. Maybe you could help him with coming up with new pet nicknames for both of you and that way neither of you (you and SD) would become jealous of each other over hearing the other person called "baby" and you could each have your own nickname.

DH has pet nicknames for the SDs too. In the beginning that really bothered me because of their behavior, but as he started to become a better disciplinarian and they started to behave better, my anger about that vanished.

I call my sons baby or babe all the time...and sometimes call my DH babe. But mostly I call him by his first name or honey. He's never said anything about me calling him by the same name I call my kids though. He doesn't have a daughter so I really couldn't tell you how I'd feel, but I can tell you if he did and I didn't care for her too much, I'd hate it. If I loved her, I doubt I would mind it. Or if we have a daughter and he did it I KNOW I wouldn't care.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

I use the same nicknames for all 3. I call BF baby..honey. I also call YSD baby and honey. I also rhyme her name with whatever comes to mind. I call SS Bud, or Buddy, babe or Bubba. I call OSD babe, hon, bubble (short for bubble butt). When I call anyone else baby, YSD always says, "NO, I'M your baby, not her!! I'm YOUR baby, and daddy's baby, and mama's baby!!" BF calls me baby, babe, honey, sweetie, beautiful, gorgeous, my love, baby doll. Common endearments. He calls YSD baby, honey, sweetie, pumpkin. Some more stuff. He has a cycle that he goes thru. We laugh when he asks how his baby is doing, and YSD will answer. He'll say, "No, how's my other baby doing?" Then OSD will answer. Then, "No, my OTHER baby." SS: "Who, me?" I'm just cracking up by then. I know he's talking to me, it's just more fun watching and listening. I'm the one that just walked in from a 13 hour work and school day, and they think he's asking how they're doing.

I think terms of endearment that are common should not be taken so possessively. Now, if he calls you something that has always been yours, but then starts to use it on his BD, then it'd be hurtful. But babe, baby, honey, sweetie, it's so generic, you know? Why don't you make a game out of it? Sit him down and tell him that you're trying to think of one special word/name that defines who he is to you, and then run some funny/cute/dirty ones by him? Then settle on one, and tell him that it'll be his special name from now on. Maybe he'll get the hint and reciprocate?

My exH, when we were dating still, said that he would like a secret signal to tell me in public or somewhere we couldn't really talk that he loves me without saying the words out loud. Something private just for us. It would be three quick hand squeezes. I-Love-You. Then I squeezed back four times I-Love-You-More. Then he,d squeeze back 5, No-I-............ And so on. It got to where we'd do it when we were alone, fighting to get the most squeezes in, b/c it was "cute". Do you guys have anything special like that?