I give him the big stuff. I don't nag though... even though there are many days that I want to.

Have you tried to find play groups or summer camps that are low cost. My daughter is signed up for Vacation Bible School at 3 different churches. 1/2 day no kids and free! At least it will get them out for a while

You do have to pick your battles or eventually DH will just stop listening altogether.

Instead of telling him about EVERYTHING, start off with a couple of the major annoyances until he corrects them (since you said he's trying) and then move on to the next set.

Dads can get pretty overwhelmed when it comes to complaints about their kids and then they will shut down.

I walk on eggshells and hate myself for it.

I used to confront DH on everything - it was ruining my marriage. I had to pick, keep my marriage and let it go or leave. I decided to disengage and keep my marriage.

I build some resentment with my choice - perhaps I am just extended my leave date - i don't actually know at this point.

I say almost nothing - but I find it puts me in the position for DH to use me more than I am comfortable with. I haven't figured out that balance yet.

I am brutal. It makes me feel bad because I know it hurts my dh to hear how much I loathe his kid. I don't understand how something that makes him so happy can make me so miserable. At the same time, I am not good at hiding when something is bothering me and he wants me to be honest always. It isn't like it is a surprise to him. He knows I have a low tolerance for bullshit.

As you are taking the role of a carer, you are entitled to lay down the house rules and discipline on them, pull bad behaviour, and so forth. My skids are grown now but I always found that I felt less overwhelmed and resentful of caring for them when I actually dealt with them direct, kindly yes but confronting them on behaviours and applying sanctions. Then the resentment did not build up and I did not need to raise things or deal with them through DH, which is where the resentment really kicks in because you then become a sort of supplicant rather than an equal decision-maker. If you find constantly correcting them boring or trying, then a lot of posters on the site would recommend disengagement, which again reduces the levels of resentment. However with your own kids in the mix too, that is unlikely to be so easy as simply dealing with them all direct.

I've been with dh for 12 years so during that time Ive been all kinds of different ways. There have been times in which I have been brutally honest. Times were I have kept stuff to my self and not said a word about it. I started out being honest-not brutal about it-but honest. He did not react well. This was when ss was 3-7 or so. He told me he didnt want to hear about it. So I zipped my lip in order to save my marriage and dealt with ss myself. However after years of this I finally got to the point in which I would start exploding and be BRUTALLY honest. I mean downright blunt, no hold barred, nasty. I did that for a bit and realized that that sort of communication just placed him on the defense and not a lot came out of it-other than an opportunity for me to vent. So now, I am back to just being honest. SS moved out last week-but prior to that I would handle alot of stuff myself-if it started to be too much-I shared it with dh. He has learned to react better to it. I told him last week-ss had to go. He just had to-I no longer recognized myself, hated my life, my kids hated being in their own house, dh, himself, was busy hiding in the shed-we were all subjecting ourselves to misery for one selfish kid who doesnt care about any of us. His response? "ok."