Holidays
So I'm hoping I can get advice on holidays from anyone who has been through similar experiences.
I've been with my SO for nearly 18 months now although that has mainly been through lockdown so things have been a bit different.
I really want a partner that can occasionally come on holiday with me or me and the kids. I thought he wanted that, but he has just booked a trip to NY with just his girls and didn't invite me saying 'he assumed I would have the kids'.
This I can accept, but essentially he's spending all his money on this 5 day trip for the kids, which is lovely, but it means we can't go anywhere and he can't come away with me and my kids.
He has them 30% of the time but his ex never takes them away so it seems he has that responsibility.
Trips for all 6 of us I find a little scary, 4 kids on holiday is full on.
Do I just need to accept that if I want to travel it's without him? And focus on my kids? he doesn't seem to have any motivation to organise something with us, only for him and the kids.
When we met he said he understood he wouldn't be able to take his kids everywhere but that seems to have changed.
If I'm being selfish please say also, I don't want him to deprive his kids of trips, especially as his ex doesn't bother, but I did want a partner I could share things with.
^^^ this! You also need to be
^^^ this! You also need to be a priority for him and have shared experiences. I value taking kids on a trip each year, but also a romantic one. Even if it's just a night away, that's really important for the relationship. And maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones but I agree that vacation with skids is it's own special hell and we have NEVER had a successful one. If you can accept it, enjoy taking your own kids on trips and let him do his own thing with his kids. Maybe at other ages it could work??? But so far with us, I just have to embrace and kind of enjoy missing DH sometimes
If he has only enough money
If he has only enough money to take one vacation it seems logical that it would be with his kids, not yours. If you aren't willing to take all the kids, it should be you two alone. As the others said, it will be much more fun anyway.
Are you saying that because
Are you saying that because of this 5 day trip to NY with his kids, your partner won't be able to take any trips with you this year? If that's the case, will next year be any different? Will you do a trip with just the two of you then?
If it's important to you to have a partner who goes on vacation with you, and your BF is spending all of his money taking his kids on vacation, and this will be his usual MO, this might not be the right relationship for you. If this is a one time thing (although I'm not sure how you'll know for awhile - talk is cheap), that's different. Was this a long planned/ promised trip for the kids? Otherwise I'm not sure why he'd use all of his vacation funds on a trip with his kids rather than planning a more affordable trip with them that would allow him to also take a vacation with you if he knows that's important to you.
Don't settle for never being able to vacation with your partner if it's something you want to do.
Did he discuss the trip with
Did he discuss the trip with you, or just book it and then tell you what he's doing? If he just told you about it after the fact, that indicates you're not in a real partnership. He does what he wants first and foremost. He might like having you around just fine, but you're not his priority.
I agree
If he only has so much money to spend on vacation. Then he should do a cheaper trip with his kids so there money left over to do something with you. He setting a bad patten, doing as he pleases, with out any thoughts about your happiness
Thanks
Thanks everyone. I'm going to try to get the message across to him that I want to be able to holiday with my partner, otherwise maybe this isn't the right relationship. As NDC said, talk is cheap and I feel like I've been fed a lot of rubbish over the past 18 months to cover up the fact that he is a 'guilty Disney dad' type and will always spend all his money on his kids and neglect any partner.
Is there any other kind of single dad? Seems like a pattern to me, I've met so many guilty dads, especially with fathers and their daughters...
Dang it
If he is a guilty dad AND has a DD that combo is a relationship killer. The older the DD gets the harder it will be to watch. BTDT thank gawd I tossed the T shirt.
If he spends all his vacation money on his kids and has none left for adult romance that tells you how it will be. Its not even the affordability that is the issue, the issue is you are not getting what you want, meaning adult trips. The trips are just one issue in the many many issues to come with a disney daddio.
@ Merry
@Merry, he did mention it, but it wasn't related to me in any way.