I have nothing to do with my ex-MIL. The day my ex walked out was the last time I had anything to do with her. It wasn't that we'd had a bad relationship. She was as good a MIL as any, but we were very different and never developed a personal closeness. We were just cordial in-laws.

Now, my current MIL is my best friend in the world. I know that we will always be close, even if, God forbid, her son and I split up. I wouldn't want to intrude on anything, of course, but I wouldn't stop being her friend just because I divorced her son. She's my children's grandmother, she's my best friend, we're very close and I don't see that changing. I think we could still be friends, even if we ever stopped being in-laws.

I don't think you should do anything, except to try to continue building a relationship with her that's all your own. Don't worry about trying to get her to accept you as her DIL, just try working on developing a friendship in your own right. Same with other family members. Just do your own thing... be welcoming and warm and open and friendly. Change is hard for some people. It takes longer for some than for others. Also, sometimes staying on good terms with the ex is just insurance for getting to stay in the kids' lives. I wouldn't take it personally. Yet...!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Hey Girl... I feel you, I have had something similer to this but not so close.I have someone I been best friends with for 5 years ok, I use to be with her son off and on( for 4 years) before I met my boyfriend now( you know the story!

Anyways, When her step son decided that I was not what he wanted for his own selfesh reasons it did not ruin our friendship.. BUT....His girlfriend cant stand the fact I am over there alot because I am the x of the would of been wife, Truth is.. I dont want him " Period".. But if she took the time to know me then maybe she would not feel the way she does. And.. They do NOT like anyone I ever dated, That made my friendship with my bestfreind hard because she is so judgemental. Well this is what I would do, Its important that you feel like you are a part of his family, And yes the whole x thing being at the house can be rather uncomfortable, You prolly feel like thats your space.. and she is part of the past and she needs to remain there, That he has a a whole new life with a totally different women now and family of his own, And you wonder where and why this lady still fits in this group that you call family, You have the right to claim that label.Does she make you feel uneasy that she is close to her, Almost like you feel like your relationship with her is like 2nd best? That -that is your center and she should not be in that part " Hu"? I went through that with my x husbands mother, their wedding pictures still hung on the wall and well ours was not, I confronted my husband and told him how that made me feel and I thought that was part of his past and our pictures should be on that wall " Same difference really".He did confront her about it, And although her replye was.. " Its just pictures".. it was the point of it all ya know!
I did not feel excepted and I could not compete with someone she really loved and cared about regaurdless of how it made me feel.
So.. do I like I did, exspress it to your husband, tell him how it makes you feel, If he is close to his mother then she should not get offended by him putting a little bug in her ear, You are his wife and your feelings are just as important.Keep tring to build a relationship with her, invite her out to lunch or go shopping, show up over there on your own to just do girl talk, make yourself available to her for a better relationship if you have not done any of this yet just try it.But I really think you confiding your true feelings to him will be your best bet, And ya know.. You gave me sound advice.. you even been where I was at and on that note you stood by your husband so I am sure he too will stand by you and try to understand your concerns, And over come it all to maybe by getting to know his x, You might find she may be a interesting person if you can be comfortable with that( every women is different), And since it does not seem like she is going anywhere you could try it, Make yourself apart of it.. throw yourself in there.. They prolly would not exspect that from you? Then agin.. I do not know how the x is.. If she is a qwack like my boyfriends x is " HANG IT UP"...ha, ha
Just do what you can, only you know what is acceptable to you, You know how you want to feel about yourself. Your a smart lady, And I think you'll find what works best for you and yours.
Keep your head up girl.. its all gonna be alright

When your an ex, I believe that you need to let go. My ex mil and I were really good friends, but when I left, I knew that I had to let go of my relationship with her. I think that if you are really close to the in-laws that a person should let go gradually, but the point is that it should be done. It is not right to hang on to a family that is not yours. Let the new wife be a part of that family. The ex has no right to the dh's family anymore. No ex should ever feel that they have a right to it. You can't get her to let go of this family. You can try to be as nice as possible and reach out to the mil so that maybe one day the mil will decide to let this woman go on her own. Confronting her about it won't help at all. It will only give the 2 something to talk about. If this mil is a nice person at all, she will eventually be willing to give you a chance.