I know how annoying this is, but consider this, your children are being brought up to "appreciate" things, you have taught them respect, your children are far more equipped to deal with life and do well, as for your skids nasty comments, please try to rise above it, never let them see that they bother you, he he it will drive them crazy, I also have trouble with a disrespectful sd6, her BM is an idiot with questionable morals and a very soft Daddy, this is my second time as a step mother, the first time was to a boy and girl, they were so much easier than one girl lol, I know how hard it is, what does your partner say when your skids are disrespectful to you? As for you treating his children differently, of course you will, how can you like someone who is attacking you like that, your partner needs to teach them some respect and lay down some ground rules, how would he like it if your children were like that with him?

I guess you don't really hate the kids so much as you hate the behaviour, and the grandparents, well, who can blame you for the frustration you feel over their interference and failure to listen to their own son's wishes. The kids are being spoilt rotten by the grandparents, and the ex is benefiting from that, so not much hope of the kids and the ex changing, grandparents are obviously benefiting too, due to more contact with grandkids, because while they supply ex with stuff, she will let them have contact with the kids on her week. so not much hope of change their either, not while they are all winners.

You and your husband are the only losers in this it would appear so the change is going to have to start with you two. I'm not sure how you do this, but clearly your husband is going to have to put his foot down and hard with his parents, he is going to have to let them know in no uncertain terms that he will not put up with them interfering in how he wishes to raise his children, and he is going to have to tell them that his children are manipulating them by telling them lies about you, and he is not going to listen to them repeating stupid lies about his wife, so they need to stop it. He is going to have to tell them he does not like they way his children behave and that behaviour is due to them in his opinion. They probably feel sorry for "his" kids because they don't have mummy and daddy, and are in their own way trying to make up for it to these kids by given them things. They may also be a bit jealous your child has mum and dad (who they see as their grandchildrens father not your childs), at home, and these kids don't, it is stupid, but it is the way some people think. Perhaps pull back gently from them on the week that he has the kids, (they'll see it), if they have to choose between losing their ex daughter in law or their son, they will not lose their son. But at the very least take control of the area's were you do have control, ie: when the kids come to you, wash and iron the clothes they come in, and the day they go back home to mom, put those clothes back on. DO NOT send any clothing you buy back to mom. If the grandparents are buying the kids clothes, well nothing you can do there.

I really don't know how best to handle it, but would I be right in guessing these gradparents are ethnic. Italian, Greek something like that, because from experience I know these guys have no boundaries, they think they rule the lives of their children and grandchildren simply because they are still alive and they don't let go. If you tell them it's not on, you are no longer the son/daughter, and they mean it, so that can make it harder for your husband to tell them where to get off.

I am so Sorry you are feeling so badly, but I would not beat yourself up about not liking spoilt brats, no one does, no matter who they belong too. You have a good husband who is supporting you, so you have a good chance of sorting this out. But I will say I think you are absolutely right in thinking that once you became a permanent fixture that is when the problems set in probably due to BM's jealousy.

However, while I cannot help you with this, I say this to you, you are so very, very lucky to have a husband that supports and defends you, most of us on this site are here for one reason and one reason only, we have husbands who DO NOT support us. Try and focus on that positive it is far more valuable than you realise.

"Submitted by Manymoments on Thu, 05/17/2012 - 2:43pm.
I dont treat my SD the same as my children. I did at the beginning but I realised that it was really wasted and I should put the time effort and money into my own children I no longer feel guilty about it..."

Bingo. Your problem is your brain. Understandably you want everything to be nice and neat but step-parenting doesn't work that way. You clearly logically understand what is going on you're just letting your emotional side get in the way. This is common for females and one of the things that make females do better at raising a family. But occasionally it gets in the way. So you now logically take a 180 degree turn in your mind-set. You realize this situation is out of your hands and you mentally let go of it.

This most difficult part will be explaining to your son why they get things and he doesn't. In age appropriate language explain that parents have different ideas on how children should be raised. One way is to prepare a child to be an adult and be strong and able to care for themselves. Another way is to protect the child from anything that seems bad and give them as much stuff as they can so they'll be happy.

Explain how this does not prepare the child to take care of themselves as an adult and that you and his Daddy have agreed that you want your child to grow up both mentally and physically strong. Further explain that when everyone becomes an adult the toys will be forgotten but the lessons learned or not learned with be with them for life. You and his Daddy want him to be strong not weak and that is why, for now, his life seems unfair.

LOL, old age has it's benefits gimmieabreak. If only I had known then what I know now. All the best.