Hate my step-daughter
I’ll be honest, I have grown to hate my step-daughter. It wasn’t always bad. I’ve been in her life since she was just turning 3, she is now 5. The past year or so I’m just over her. I dread when She comes over and breathe a sigh of relief when she leaves.
Compared to other 5 year olds she is pretty well behaved overall. She is super loud and crazy hyper which of course makes me dread the ball of engery that will follow her. She does respect me and apologize when she does something wrong. If that was it, I think I could manage but the problem I have is the failure for her to listen. It seems like I’m the only one correcting her or reminding her we told her not to do something. So I feel like the bad guy. DH does discipline her but inconsistently that I honestly don’t think she feels there is really a consequence if she doesn’t listen. I have discussed with him repeatedly but he thinks I’m being too hard on her so he half asses enforcing it. He also spoils her which results in whiny behavior which I cannot stand
What really was the tipping point was last November. DH started a new job. This required him to work more than normal for 6 months but conflicted with his court ordered custody arrangement. So For 6 months while he went thru his companies training program, I found myself dropping my stepdaughter off at daycare, picking her up and caring for her days/nights alone quite often. All this occurred while having a newborn to also deal with (born last oct). I was receiving little help from DH with either of them and stepdaughter not listening made me start to resent her. Since he has been finished with training I rarely have to take care of my stepdaughter alone which has made it better but the lack of listening is still bothering me. He also rarely cares for our little one and it is apparent he definitely favors my stepdaughter. The lack of care for our daughter and preference for his older one combined with the stress over the past year caring for her thru her lack of listening, made me really resent her and I don’t know how to get past it.
I can understand how you're
I can understand how you're over it and can't say I blame you. Your H hasn't been supportive and should have never had you care for the child while he was training for 6 months. He needed to make other arrangements and you need to have a conversation with him that when he's not home SD isn't either. She has two parents and their responsibility which shouldn't fall on you. You have a baby now that requires your time and energy so he needs to figure out.
He doesn't seem to know how to effectively parent and after speaking to him several times he's not going to change so I'd disengage. He's going to have to step it up and deal with everything pertaining to SD. Once this is laid on him maybe it will be a wake up call. I'd also be concerned with how uninvolved he is with the baby you both have together....it would have me question whether having another child with him would even be a good idea.
I've been skidsitting after
I've been skidsitting after school since school started.
This kid has a lot of issues, but I'm doing it so my wife doesn't initate a divorce before me, or I'd just say no.
I pick her and my own daughter up from daycare. Not a word is said in the car. Total silence. We get home, I grab my daughter out of the car, go upstairs, and take a nap with the baby till' my wife gets home. My bedroom is 100% off limits to stepkid. Zero supervision, zero responsibility.
Wife gets home, bitches and complains about all of the stuff she has to do for her own child that I didn't do. I continue to plot my divorce, go to sleep, wake up the next day for work.
I can tell you that living in a world like this should not be permanent, neither for me or for you. Make a STRONG case for yourself, talk to a lawyer, and get ready to go. Cash in on ex-husband monthly, as I'm going to cash in on ex-wife. It's the only way people like them will understand that they've done something wrong.
Does his XW have ROR (right of first refusal)?
If she does, then your SD could go back to her house if your DH is unavailiable to watch her. I guess now though, it's less likely that you'll have to do that. She seems awfully young to be bouncing back and forth.
2 things here, agreed that
2 things here, agreed that your resentment should be directed towards your DH. He is seriously dropping the ball here, that is not ok.
Another thing at play is when you do have your own child and are caring for the SK-- it is pretty common to find annoyances with them. Your tank, so to speak, is full of all of these new emotions for your child. Your SK is also pulling from this tank, but unlike the coos and cuddle and feel good fuzzies from your kid that refill that tank-- the SK just takes and takes and there is no "refill".
It's not their fault, I mean kids are by nature selfish beings-- even your precious bio-kid (I have a baby, too.. so I totally get it
But it doesn't make it FEEL any better when you're constantly running on empty with a SK that doesn't reward you in the same way as a biokid does.