** First off - thank you to anyone who can get through this all!!! **

Some background. I am a SAHM of a 3 mo old boy (ours) and a 7 year old boy (mine). DH has a 6 year old boy that we have every weekend. DH and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We met when BS had just turned 4 and SS had just turned 3.

I think if I had known then what I know now, I would never have gotten married. It's sad to say because I do love my husband and LOVE my son and love that my BS has a DAD in his life now, but the issues with SS and BM are just TOO much drama.

It's been going on since day one. BM and DH were married when she was 5 months pregnant with SS. By the time he was about 3 months old, she started leaving him for days, weekends at a time to be with her ex boyfriend. Finally, when SS was about 8 months old, they separated and eventually divorced. I met him once the divorce was finalized, but they had been separated for a year.

I think because she is a manipulative person, and my husband doesn't like confrontation, he basically just yessed her to death and she always got her way. From day one, the baby was sleeping between them in bed, she was rushing to pick him up at every peep, coddling him, never letting anyone else babysit, giving him terrible foods, etc. Even when they were married my husband had no say in raising his son. It continues to this day.

Ever since I met SS, I have been telling DH that something is not right with him and he should be evaluated. Having just gone through an evaluation process with my son for ADHD, I knew it wasn't that big of a deal and was better to know than to not know. I also saw that the child was becoming heavier and heavier and always talking about going to McDonald's with Mom, etc. But, either he never brought it up, procrastinated bringing it up, or brought it up and got screamed at and backed down.

This child is now 6 years old, has no friends his own age, chooses to play with 3 year olds, won't participate in team sports, wouldn't ride a two wheeler bike, constantly quits at everything that gets hard, etc. Some very serious social issues. On top of that, he's ALWAYS crying for Mommy. Always crying period. Lately, he starts crying the moment he gets out of the car when he gets to our house. And he doesn't just cry like a tear or two. He cries like an infant! Real wailing, snot running down his nose type of cry.

I am much more strong willed than my husband and certainly more than his mother, so when I tell SS to do something, you better believe he JUMPS! He tells his mother he doesn't like me because "she makes me do things." Yeah, like riding a bike and doing workbooks per the teacher.

He's been violent in the past. He has hit my son over the head with heavy objects, bitten him, spit in his face, even stabbed him with an extremely sharp pencil. He's gotten into fights on the bus - punching children in the face, or spitting in their face. What does his Mother do? Calls the school and tells the to control the OTHER children. She's just a real piece of garbage.

The school has finally had enough. He's now in first grade, so it's his first time with a full day program. The teacher says that all the students have adapted except for him. He is putting his head down on the desk and refusing to do anything else at ELEVEN a.m.! She asks him to correct his work and he just sits there and won't do it. He's very disruptive in class, not getting the fact that they are all doing something, because whenever he WANTS to do something, he does it, no matter what. The teacher has finally had enough. She talked to Mom and said she'd like her to take him to be evaluated at which point the stupid cow said, "I will not have my child evaluated for ADHD and put on some medication just so he's compliant." First of all, who said anything about ADHD and second of all, you're an idiot! But the teacher went through her own resources and has had him see a speech therapist (because seriously - he talks like such a baby that you can hardly understand him!)... she had the social adjuster meet with him and will continue to meet with him.

Now I think the mother finally gets the idea that it will really make her look like a bad mother if she doesn't do something too. I don't think she's doing anything because she wants to HELP the kid, I think she just feels she HAS to. So she SAYS she's going to get him evaluated. But what I think is that she'll just take him to doctor after doctor until she gets the diagnosis that she wants to hear. She thinks he's just "immature."

My husband is a good father in that he takes care of the child and TRIES. He is actively involved in his life, and tries to get through to the mother as much as he can. But she also has him scared of his own shadow so God forbid the child gets hurt here, he wants to rush him to the emergency room like she does! All the kid does is follow my husband around the whole time he's here... to the point that the kid will face plant into my husbands butt if he stops suddenly! LOL He's really come around though and has been stronger lately to both of them. I think he's getting really sick of trying to FORCE the kid to be part of our family. When the kid starts crying now and saying I want my mommy, he just calls her and says come get him. I don't think he has the strength left to fight!

Anyway, it really doesn't matter what particular situation happened this time... But I feel like I have snapped. I have tried to help the kid with discipline, talking, listening, encouragement, etc etc etc. Everything I know how. But something is not right with him! No one is getting through!

I feel bad, but I finally told my husband that I think he needs to reevaluate his visitation with him. And that he should have one weekend with us (my son and our son) and one weekend with his son, and one weekend he goes to military drill. (Not sure what to do about the other weekend in there). I told him that while he has his son that I will take the other kids and we'll go to my Mothers for the weekend. I feel badly that it has come to this, but every single weekend is HELL. It's SO stressful... Not only is it frustrating that I have NO control over my life anymore, but that DH DOES have control somewhat and he never exercises it! I just don't think I can take any more of this! It's all just TOO much. I want peace in my life and in my family and this is tearing our marriage apart - from my end... my husband would be happy to keep it how it is.

Any advice? I know this isn't a good permanent solution... But I don't know what else to do to save my sanity! I'm grinding my teeth to nubs at this point!! Please give me your advice. I really don't want to get a divorce, but I don't know how to "blend" this family when one member just has NO desire to be part of it!!!