feel like a prisoner
Since Covid hit, we moved to a week on/week off schedule. I thought it may be better having block time, as opposed to our previous schedule which was day on/day off and literally was driving me insane.
I feel like an actual prisoner now on the week that my SO's son(6) is here. We also have a 4 month old. We actually broke up whilst I was pregnant, only 'reconciled' if you can call it that, after the birth of my son and I am starting to feel a lot of regret.
I just dont know what to do anymore. When he's here its me in the bedroom, either alone or with my son. if I go downstairs to spend time theyre usually cuddled up together (SS and SO) or both of them are occupying the two screens we have in the living room, so im expected to sit and watch mindless youtubers scream about Minecraft or my SO play Fifa or watch whatever boring shit he wants to watch.
I used to be so in love with this man, absolutely have never felt like it before about anyone else. Now i feel like ive actually ruined my life, my son is the biggest blessing but I feel like meeting this man has derailed my life. ive got my degree, lived alone when we met, had my cat who i loved, had a good job, hobbies that i enjoyed and now im berated all day and night long for not spending 'family time' with him and his son. plus the fact i had to rehome my cat. i dont think i can ever move past the resentment i have building up for him. i struggle to let my so touch me anymore, this is literally how bad it has got. he knows. but we're still here. i dont think ive got any nails left due to my anxious biting, i just feel so fucking depressed
i dont know if anyone has some advice or support. i think ive left this man about six times in our three year relationship (for various lengths), so the idea of 'leaving' actually feels like a bad joke. sorry for any spelling errors, my phone screen is broke so typing is hard.. i just REALLY needed to let this out as i have nobody else. if you read this far, just... thank you
What keeps you from making
What keeps you from making the leaving permanent? I do know it's harder to leave once you have a child, but better to do it when your child is an infant - then he will have no memory of you two living together, it will just be normal for him (not that he might not wish you were together).
Get your own place, get a new cat, and work out a custody schedule with your H. It won't be week on/week off until your son is older, since they tend to not do that with infants and toddlers. There is no shame in just admitting you made a mistake and moving on.
It's time to create an exit
It's time to create an exit plan and leave this relationship for good. Breaking up 6 times? This is not the relationship for you.
Awww
(((((Virtual hugs))))....I'm sorry you're going through this, but like other posters stated, make a plan and get out. It doesn't sound like you're happy, you might even have post partum depression and you sound like you're missing your independence. Go for it, it won't be harder than what you're facing now!
We're on the same boat..
We're on the same boat.. focus on you and your baby. Ignore the negativity brought by DH. It's been working for me.
Before you make any rash
Before you make any rash decisions. You just had a child and it is perfectly normal to experience depression and feelings of being overwhelmed. If you are breast feeding it can take even longer for your hormones to go back to normal. Add in the current quarentine and the stressors everyone is experiencing, it may be a combination of environment and being a new mom. I would talk with your Dr to make sure everything is ok with you first.